Dealing with tantrums (3.5 YO)

[Anonymous]

My DD is 3.5 and keeps throwing these huge tantrums. My older DD didn't throw tantrums like this. It's been about getting her to fall asleep, stay asleep, or going to pre-school in the AM. For example, she woke up at 3am last night, cried, and asked me to sing her songs. I am not singing songs at 3am, I am tired. I took her hand and squeezed it hard, then threw the hand behind her and left. My husband came in and somehow got her to sleep. It seems like she is experiencing separation anxiety from ME, she wanted her dad exclusively over the past two years and now it's mommy everything. Any advice for me?

[Anonymous]

Sing your kid the damn song. You expect her to be able to regulate in the middle of the night but you can't??
Jesus, the questions lately. We are doomed.

[Anonymous]

I mean I have a 3.5 year old terror right now and expected to empathize with you, but throwing your kids hand in the middle of the night?

Is she up in the middle of the night often? You are the adult, you teach emotional regulation by modeling it, you are modeling tantruming yourself.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sounds like you just lucked out with a really easy older kid who was a good sleeper, and you're unfamiliar with the extremely normal routine of kids not wanting to go to bed, not wanting to sleep once there, waking up and wanting to get out of bed, or only being willing to go to sleep if you are there. These are not bespoke, unusual parenting issues, they are pretty standard fare.

But more broadly regarding tantrums, you just get better at figuring out what your kid needs, and they get better at communicating , and it improves. Age 3 was hands down the most difficult early-childhood age for us, with the most random meltdowns and just kind of figuring out how to respond to DD in a way that would actually help her. But I'd also say that she's always been just kind of a tougher kid to parent -- more emotional, more reactive, more verbal, more attached, just... more than other kids. People are different, some kids demand more. I also find her super rewarding and fun, but also exhausting and requiring a lot of effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sing your kid the damn song. You expect her to be able to regulate in the middle of the night but you can't??
Jesus, the questions lately. We are doomed.

Are you kidding? So the child knows he can get a song at 3 am every night. Um, no

[Anonymous]

Leave her to scream for a while. If she gets out of bed don’t say anything and lead her back to bed. If she doesn’t get out of bed but keeps screaming, don’t try to talk to her, don’t give her what she wants - just come in, check on her, and tell her it’s time to go to sleep. It will never stop if your husband coddles her back to sleep, you sing to her, or you try to rationalize with her or whatever. Also, I don’t know what “throwing her hand behind her” is but don’t do that either.

[Anonymous]

Meh, I “coddle” my kids in the middle of the night — they get hugs, help with the bathroom, a song, to share my bed if I’m really tired and can’t handle anything else. Neither make a habit of it; if they’re up in the middle of the night they’re undoubtedly sick and/or tired and not really in a place to emotionally regulate and I don’t want them to wake the rest of the household up so I’m pretty indulgent. The mostly go back to sleep in their own beds in 10-20 minutes and this only happens once every few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sing your kid the damn song. You expect her to be able to regulate in the middle of the night but you can't??
Jesus, the questions lately. We are doomed.

Are you kidding? So the child knows he can get a song at 3 am every night. Um, no

Logic is not a tantruming 3yo"s strong suit. Expect your "lesson" to take a year before the kid figures out they can't get a song in the middle of the night.

[Anonymous]

Let her scream her emotions out. Nobady can control anybody