What's your approach to high school parties?

[Anonymous]

My DC has had parties pretty regularly starting early this year in 9th grade. A large group at one person's house. The parents have been home. The parties started pretty tame but as the year is going on we're hearing more of kids drinking at the party (alcohol the kids sneak in, not provided by the parents), kids showing up drunk, etc.

I'm uncomfortable with my DC being in this situation so young. But DC has done nothing wrong (yet) so it feels very punitive to say they can no longer go to these parties. DC has a good crew of friends who aren't drinking but they're at these parties too with the larger group who is drinking.

Thanks. I'm feeling very out of my depth here...

[Anonymous]

Well from my perspective as long as my kid doesn’t drink/so drugs, I don’t care. They kids are not driving yet, so they’re either walking home or a mom/dad is still picking them up.

But. My daughter doesn’t like it that the kids started drinking because it changed the dynamic of parties (also in 9th grade). People get secretive and go off in huddles together (to smoke pot), they start acting weird and everyone is laughing and in on a joke that she and her friends aren’t part of. It gets awkward. Everyone is having a seemingly great time and if you’re one of the few who isn’t partaking then you’re just watching others. My point, is that I suspect in time kids will either start drinking/smoking pot themselves or not want to attend. Although maybe your son’s experience was different.

[Anonymous]

It’s a very difficult situation and falls into the category of “there is no playbook “.

We talked a lot about the dangers of being at a big drinking party. Besides drinking being dangerous, cops are attracted to big parties so getting arrested sucks.

I was strict until junior year. Then I was more about how to do it safely and not get caught.

I gave my kids fully funded Uber accounts. No questions asked. They both used it about 10 times.

[Anonymous]

In 9th and 10th I called the house, talked with the parents and asked what their plan was. Most parents said I was the only one to call and they appreciated it. Then came covid and everything shut down anyway. Made it a non-issue (thankfully, no beachweek to deal with either).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a very difficult situation and falls into the category of “there is no playbook “.

We talked a lot about the dangers of being at a big drinking party. Besides drinking being dangerous, cops are attracted to big parties so getting arrested sucks.

I was strict until junior year. Then I was more about how to do it safely and not get caught.

I gave my kids fully funded Uber accounts. No questions asked. They both used it about 10 times.

When you say you were strict until Junior year, does that mean you didn't allow them to go to any parties in 9th and 10th?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well from my perspective as long as my kid doesn’t drink/so drugs, I don’t care. They kids are not driving yet, so they’re either walking home or a mom/dad is still picking them up.

But. My daughter doesn’t like it that the kids started drinking because it changed the dynamic of parties (also in 9th grade). People get secretive and go off in huddles together (to smoke pot), they start acting weird and everyone is laughing and in on a joke that she and her friends aren’t part of. It gets awkward. Everyone is having a seemingly great time and if you’re one of the few who isn’t partaking then you’re just watching others. My point, is that I suspect in time kids will either start drinking/smoking pot themselves or not want to attend. Although maybe your son’s experience was different.

Yeah talk to your kid about this. There are groups that socialize without the drinking and the drugs and those might be more fun for someone not partaking. Spending so much time around the group that does drink and vape can distort the perception of a kid to start to think "everyone else is doing it so why don't I also join." Slippery slope and all

[Anonymous]

I have one in 10th grade and lectured on drinking and drugs. I have allowed him to go to parties where I know kids have snuck in alcohol, but we take him there and home. I wouldn’t allow a sleepover. So far, it has worked out okay. We talk a lot about trust.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're lulling yourself into a sense of security by only focusing on drinking. Most kids today are experimenting with drugs more than they are with alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're lulling yourself into a sense of security by only focusing on drinking. Most kids today are experimenting with drugs more than they are with alcohol.

This. Vaping is huge in elementary school. Let that sink in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're lulling yourself into a sense of security by only focusing on drinking. Most kids today are experimenting with drugs more than they are with alcohol.

This. Vaping is huge in elementary school. Let that sink in.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Where are all these parties with drugs and vaping and even alcohol every weekend? Not seeing them in my neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Drinking, zyns, taking cold medicine, taking prescription pills, vaping, cigarettes, gummies, peer pressure to hook up, consent, social media, videos, photos, etc. can be happening in 9th grade.

We are in NOVA. Our experience has been around 8th grade alcohol started appearing and by 9th more and more kids were sneaking it into parties (usually in a backpack). Many were straight out stealing it from grocery stores because most stores have a policy to not chase or confront shoplifters. So kids would literally just walk out with it.

Then in 10th some of the parents either looked the other way when booze was around or actually provided it (which made me livid). We constantly talk about the dangers and risks of with our teens. We insist they keep their location services on, never get in the car with a driver who has been drinking or taking drugs and that they can ALWAYS call us for a safe ride home or take an Uber (we will pay).

By 11th grade some kids were able to rent air bnbs to throw parties. I have no idea how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well from my perspective as long as my kid doesn’t drink/so drugs, I don’t care. They kids are not driving yet, so they’re either walking home or a mom/dad is still picking them up.

But. My daughter doesn’t like it that the kids started drinking because it changed the dynamic of parties (also in 9th grade). People get secretive and go off in huddles together (to smoke pot), they start acting weird and everyone is laughing and in on a joke that she and her friends aren’t part of. It gets awkward. Everyone is having a seemingly great time and if you’re one of the few who isn’t partaking then you’re just watching others. My point, is that I suspect in time kids will either start drinking/smoking pot themselves or not want to attend. Although maybe your son’s experience was different.

Yeah talk to your kid about this. There are groups that socialize without the drinking and the drugs and those might be more fun for someone not partaking. Spending so much time around the group that does drink and vape can distort the perception of a kid to start to think "everyone else is doing it so why don't I also join." Slippery slope and all

100% this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well from my perspective as long as my kid doesn’t drink/so drugs, I don’t care. They kids are not driving yet, so they’re either walking home or a mom/dad is still picking them up.

But. My daughter doesn’t like it that the kids started drinking because it changed the dynamic of parties (also in 9th grade). People get secretive and go off in huddles together (to smoke pot), they start acting weird and everyone is laughing and in on a joke that she and her friends aren’t part of. It gets awkward. Everyone is having a seemingly great time and if you’re one of the few who isn’t partaking then you’re just watching others. My point, is that I suspect in time kids will either start drinking/smoking pot themselves or not want to attend. Although maybe your son’s experience was different.

Yeah talk to your kid about this. There are groups that socialize without the drinking and the drugs and those might be more fun for someone not partaking. Spending so much time around the group that does drink and vape can distort the perception of a kid to start to think "everyone else is doing it so why don't I also join." Slippery slope and all

100% this.

+2