Does your 10 yo girl keep her door closed every time she's in her room?

[Anonymous]

I don't know why it bothers me because she's only reading in there, but every time she goes into her room she closes the door behind her. She has much younger brothers who are kind of noisy so I think that she mainly wants quiet and privacy, but if she's in her room at all, the door is shut. I want her to feel that it's her own space, but I don't remember this when I was growing up (with two sisters, though). Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My 10 yo never closes her door. We have a single level ranch so she sure doesn't have privacy from us

[Anonymous]

At 10, my DS started closing his door at night when it was time to do his reading. Part of it was avoidance and part was to keep out his annoying brother and sister. He even took to putting a sign on his doorknob - one side said come in and the other said do not enter.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's odd, but then I lived in a house where peace and quiet was hard to come by and I'd shut my door whenever I could.

I might just check on her at a reasonable interval (maybe every 1/2 hour) which lets her know that you haven't forgotten her and gives you a chance to see what she's doing (and ask her about the book she's reading or the puzzle or whatever). I would be more concerned if she had a TV or phone or computer in her room; I don't know if I'd make a rule about having an open door, but I'd want to be more closely monitoring technology use (personally).

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have a phone or computer in her room. It's just an automatic thing that she does when she walks into her room. She definitely does want to keep her brothers out, but I kind of feel like what's the big deal even with that? It makes me feel as if she's isolating herself. I don't want to make a rule either, but it rubs me the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Why don't you ask her? I bet it's her brothers. I closed the door when I was seven or eight! I loved to read. Three younger loud siblings ...

[Anonymous]

My daughter does this. I do think it's in part to keep her brother out, so I have some sympathy. But, I don't like the exclusionary message it sends to the rest of the family. I have talked to her about it, and often ask her to keep it open unless she is doing something she really needs privacy for (or even just leave it partially ajar).

[Anonymous]

Ours started doing it right around this time. I think they just like more private time.

We keep all the "fun" stuff out in the living room - tvs, etc, so no tv in room.

Sometimes when I sense its becoming a bit of a routine for the week , I'll make more of an effort to invite her to do fun things with the family - like bake cookies, play cards, but otherwise, I would just let them have their space.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter started doing this and I told her I didn't like her isolating herself and shutting everyone else off. She said she wouldn't close her door anymore. She still does, but less often.

[Anonymous]

It seems totally normal to me for a kid to go into her room and shut her door for some privacy, especially if she's reading.

If I were a kid, I'd go NUTS if mom checked in on me every 30 minutes to be sure I was OK. Check on a toddler or preschooler, sure -- but a 10 year old? Give her her space!

Surely if she wants to be in the hub of things, she'd go into the living room -- when she wants to seclude herself a bit, let her do that!

[Anonymous]

Check on a 10 year old every thirty minutes? Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

I remember doing this at that age. I was the oldest of three and just wanted privacy. Also, since I was the oldest I just wanted to separate myself from what I perceived was the "babyish" goings-on of my younger siblings.

I also got my period at age 11 so was already going through some hormonal changes at that age. I was also sort of bookish so it was easy to escape into my book world at that time. Didn't have a TV or phone in my room at the time. BTW, I turned out fine! Wasn't a social pariah or anything.

[Anonymous]

DD does this (almost 12). Usually reading, although sometimes playing with Webkinz or playing a game or music on her iPod. I always knock before entering. Her bedroom is right next to ours so there is not too much we don't know about.

[Anonymous]

I did this at her age. I have a twin brother, and I just really wanted my space. I read a lot and journaled.

I think I would have gone bat shit if my mom checked in on me every half hour. I did like being invited out to the living room for games, etc. though.

[Anonymous]

Wondering if it's more that you are feeling shut out as she grows older? It's that little tinge of sadness as they slowly grow away from us.