Move back with parents or wing it in apartment?

[Anonymous]

Separated, going through contentious divorce. House was DH’s. I’m moving out.

I don’t particularly want to move in with my parents, but they have a whole upstairs we (myself and infant and toddler sons) could move into, though sharing kitchen. The help would be nice, but it would come at a cost with my parents.

Wing it in my own apartment. I could afford a one bedroom and sleep on a bed in the main living area. Who am I impressing? I would answer to no one, but would struggle more financially.

How do you decide the best course?

[Anonymous]

What's the (personal, financial) costs of living with your parents, specifically? Would it be worth trying out as a temporary solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the (personal, financial) costs of living with your parents, specifically? Would it be worth trying out as a temporary solution?

Zero dollars. The cost would be all psychological. It’s been a long time since I’ve lived with them and they were/are extremely rigid. I don’t look forward to it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the (personal, financial) costs of living with your parents, specifically? Would it be worth trying out as a temporary solution?

Zero dollars. The cost would be all psychological. It’s been a long time since I’ve lived with them and they were/are extremely rigid. I don’t look forward to it!

Rigid how exactly? Try negotiating a written agreement, including how you envision things. If I were you, I’d be incredible grateful for their offer because you really need every dime you earn. Have weekly meetings with your parents to discuss what’s going well, and what needs fine tuning. At this point, you need to sacrifice a lot for your boys. They don’t deserve divorced parents, so you do the very best you can, putting the children first. Having been a single mother for 18 years, my heart goes out to you. Wishing you and your boys all the best.

[Anonymous]

When I was divorcing I would not have been able to handle the psychological costs of living with my parents. They sound like a nightmare with little kids. I would do the rental and your parents can be your backup plan.

[Anonymous]

When we lost our jobs, my husband and I stayed temporarily with my parents. It did not go well, because my mother is incredibly difficult. Had it just been my father, we would have gotten along like a house on fire. We ended up leaving and cramming into a tiny apartment.

*However*. Honestly, it depends how cash-strapped you are. Sometimes you can put up with a lot to start your life again on a healthy financial footing. First, why are you moving out of the marital home, even if you're not on the title? Is there leeway there? Second, it might be worth moving in with your parents while you look for a cheap place. Any rental month you can get for free helps.

[Anonymous]

If you move in with them, it needs to be VERY short term. Like 90 days or less while you get a plan.

Extremely rigid people are going to freak out about a toddler and infant. It will go poorly.

[Anonymous]

I personally would move in with my parents and save money to pay for the divorce, but my parents are helpful. I think it would freak my kids out more to be in a sparse apartment than to be staying with grandma and grandpa for a while.

I don't see why you need to move out even if the house is your dh's. Surely it's half yours in the divorce? I would think whoever has the kids gets to live in the house until the divorce is finalized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the (personal, financial) costs of living with your parents, specifically? Would it be worth trying out as a temporary solution?

Zero dollars. The cost would be all psychological. It’s been a long time since I’ve lived with them and they were/are extremely rigid. I don’t look forward to it!

Then why even consider this,? You're going through a nasty divorce, small children, and you want to add your living arrangements to your life?!

[Anonymous]

How do your parents actually feel about you moving in with them? If they are reluctant about it and rigid, then everyone is going to be miserable. I'd rather get a one bedroom apartment and make it work, but stay with them for a very short time as a transition.

[Anonymous]

As long as there's a way to financially make it work in the one bedroom, that's what I would do.

[Anonymous]

Personally, with a baby and toddler, I would try an apartment first. It would be better to be in a cramped apartment and financially frugal than have your parents constantly losing it around your little people. If that doesn't work out or you can't make it work, maybe you can find someone to live with that would be much more chilll and maybe separate from your living space for a lower cost rent.'

I wouldn't want my kids exposed to my parents poor behavior if they;re so young.

It would be emotionally exhausting for both mom and kids and sure, sounds like you could do it if you had to, but doesn't sound like you really have to. There are lots of good ways to cut down on costs with little ones to make it all viable. I would choose that over the mayhem of emotional craziness, especially if I had to share a kitchen with others.

All the best to you. It's hard OP, but you can do it whatever you choose.

[Anonymous]

Plan on it for three months and re-evaluate in 2. Every month of rent you save builds a financial cushion that will expand your options. With all the upheaval of divorce if this house, the grandparents are one constant that helps too.

[Anonymous]

I’d go with the one bedroom too. If your parents are rigid, one can assume they wouldn’t do well with unpredictable infant and toddler. This stinks. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

Move into a one bedroom. It’s January, so if you wait till May or the summer, the rents will probably be higher. January is a good month to have your lease come up for renewal.