Navigating an interfaith household

[Anonymous]

I would love to hear from anyone who is doing this. I was raised as a conservative Jew, husband was raised catholic but is now atheist. Spiritually I am agnostic but I identify as culturally Jewish. DH is onboard with the idea of a culturally Jewish household, but I can’t figure out what this would look like without his participation. During my 20s I basically disconnected from religious life behind observing major holidays with family, and I would like to try to get back into things. One thought was reform synagogue, but he has no interest in going or learning and it feels strange for me to go somewhere to try to build community without him. We don’t have kids yet but they id like for them to grow up celebrating the holidays in our house. Am I naive to think that any of this is possible without his active participation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear from anyone who is doing this. I was raised as a conservative Jew, husband was raised catholic but is now atheist. Spiritually I am agnostic but I identify as culturally Jewish. DH is onboard with the idea of a culturally Jewish household, but I can’t figure out what this would look like without his participation. During my 20s I basically disconnected from religious life behind observing major holidays with family, and I would like to try to get back into things. One thought was reform synagogue, but he has no interest in going or learning and it feels strange for me to go somewhere to try to build community without him. We don’t have kids yet but they id like for them to grow up celebrating the holidays in our house. Am I naive to think that any of this is possible without his active participation?

There is a humanistic Jewish community in DC, near Silver Spring, called Machar https://machar.org that could be perfect for you and your future kids. Your husband might even want to participate, because the people there are openly non-believing, while on board with the concept of cultural Judaism.

[Anonymous]

Is this all about you?
Are you interested in being somewhat culturally involved in his familys cultural catholicism?

How is this an issue now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this all about you?
Are you interested in being somewhat culturally involved in his familys cultural catholicism?

How is this an issue now

OP here. He is actively against catholicism, so no, that is not of interest to either of us...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this all about you?
Are you interested in being somewhat culturally involved in his familys cultural catholicism?

How is this an issue now

OP here. He is actively against catholicism, so no, that is not of interest to either of us...

DP. Your thread title says “interfaith” so what do you mean by that? Is your husband interested in being culturally Christian, with a tree etc? Catholicism is not the be-all-and-end-all in Christianity. Would you tolerate that?

[Anonymous]

I am not Jewish but another religion and my DH is agnostic. My religion is really important to me, and before we had children, DH agreed to raise our children in the religion. I attend weekly services with my children and DH joins at holidays and other important times. I went to services on my own before having children. This is very possible.

[Anonymous]

Does he still celebrate Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this all about you?
Are you interested in being somewhat culturally involved in his familys cultural catholicism?

How is this an issue now

OP here. He is actively against catholicism, so no, that is not of interest to either of us...

DP. Your thread title says “interfaith” so what do you mean by that? Is your husband interested in being culturally Christian, with a tree etc? Catholicism is not the be-all-and-end-all in Christianity. Would you tolerate that?

I guess interfaith was a misnomer - he has no interest in Christianity, culturally or religiously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this all about you?
Are you interested in being somewhat culturally involved in his familys cultural catholicism?

How is this an issue now

OP here. He is actively against catholicism, so no, that is not of interest to either of us...

DP. Your thread title says “interfaith” so what do you mean by that? Is your husband interested in being culturally Christian, with a tree etc? Catholicism is not the be-all-and-end-all in Christianity. Would you tolerate that?

I guess interfaith was a misnomer - he has no interest in Christianity, culturally or religiously.

So is your question how to you navigate a household when only one parent believes in religion?

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to attend services if you consider yourself agnostic? Your husband wants nothing to do with religion, neither do you, so why even go to service? If you at some point change your mind great, but attending religious services seems pointless if you don’t hold any part of the actual faith. If there are cultural things you want to do with your children incorporate those like every family does, but you don’t need a house of religion to achieve cultural traditions. Religious temples, churches, etc are for worship not “cultural tradition training” for non-believers.

[Anonymous]

I truly don’t understand your issue here. I am in a similar situation but Christian. I take the kids to church and church activities by myself. Occasionally he will tag along once a year for Easter. He is fine with the culture stuff around Christian holidays but I do most of it. He will help me get the Christmas tree and put up lights. But zero interest in religious services and that is fine with me. Are there differences in Judaism that make being solo harder?

[Anonymous]

There are lots of ways to get involved with Jewish life culturally, especially once you have kids. The local JCCs all have Growing Jewish Families programming that is open to interfaith families. You can also sign up for PJ Library books when you have kids. If your husband isn't interested in Jewish life and you're not interested in the religious aspects, I'm not sure you need to look for a synagogue. There are other cultural options, like JCCs and PJ Library events, where you might be more comfortable.

Sixth & I has young professionals events that are good for interfaith couples as well, if you're looking to get involved in the Jewish community before you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you want to attend services if you consider yourself agnostic? Your husband wants nothing to do with religion, neither do you, so why even go to service? If you at some point change your mind great, but attending religious services seems pointless if you don’t hold any part of the actual faith. If there are cultural things you want to do with your children incorporate those like every family does, but you don’t need a house of religion to achieve cultural traditions. Religious temples, churches, etc are for worship not “cultural tradition training” for non-believers.

DP here and an atheist who sometimes enjoys church services, esp easter and Christmas. There are all kinds of people out there. Just because people don't believe in God doesn't mean they want nothing to do with religion and lots of people who go to church regularly, don't worship at all, but go to please a spouse or be with their kids.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar set up. I am culturally Jewish, husband was Christian, then Catholic. We don't do any religion in our home except Hanukkah when I remember and I get him a few Christmas gifts (and the kids). When my MIL was alive we'd have a tree to make her happy but since she passed we don't do the tree as I got tired of setting it up. If my husband wants it he can have it. Don't over think it. Its not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Why does he have to participate? It probably would feel hypocritical to him having to attend more than than a bat/bar mitzvah or confirmation ceremony.