Best Friends at 5 years old???

[Anonymous]

My DD is an only child who is 5 years old. She attends a private school in the area where the parents are encouraged to suggest a best friend that she would want to have in her class for kindergarten. My DD is not "paired" with any particular child, but likes many children in her class and other classes.

I am now concerned that I did not suggest another little girl for her to have as a friend. I didn't do so because I believed that this is a little early for us to push certain children together. Do I have cause to be concerned or am I being naive by not naming a special friend for her to be with?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunate use of superlative. "Friend" would be more neutral and achieve the same goal. It's common for children to form classroom attachments and want to have one friend in the same class the following year. My son did and was crushed when they were finally put in different classes (with no input from us along the way). If your daughter doesn't have one, there's no need to create one.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask your DD OP? Maybe she has a special friend she hasn't told you about.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I haven't asked because I don't want to heighten her awareness of this. Also, her answer changes depending on the day. LOL!

[Anonymous]

I also didn't have an answer to who she should be paired with next year. Our DD's "best" friends change by the week. I also feel like her teachers should have a better sense of who her school friends are--and which relationships are the healthiest/best influence--than I would. I'm never in the classroom with her and what she chooses to tell me at home is not a very complete picture.

I am trying to keep the perspective that statistically about 1/3 of her current class will be kept together next year (there are three class rooms per grade), so she'll know more kids on the first day than she did this year.

I'm also thinking (hoping?) that some of the cliques that are in her class will be split up, giving those kids a chance to broaden their horizons. I think that would be healthy for the whole grade.

I just wish that the class list came out earlier in the summer. It tends to be released about the time that we leave for vacation (as there are no camps those last two weeks).

[Anonymous]

Talk to the teacher or administration to find out the purpose of this. It sounds to me like they are trying to offer families a way to make the transition to K easier by allowing close friends to be in the same class.

[Anonymous]

I would ask her who some of her favorite classmates are and not make a big deal about asking it...just ask casually in the midst of a general conversation.

I remember when my child was that age -- I probably didn't realize at the time that 5 year old can and do have some strong friendships. And, they might not always tell you about it because they're working on becoming separate people from their parents.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry. What you're saying is that she is socially successful with a wide variety of kids, which means that she will have friends, and make new friends, in next year's class. The "identify one best friend" thing is much more important for kids who are less socially confident, and so need at least one friend in the new class.

[Anonymous]

10:11 here. It sounds like the school should have asked if your child had a request to be placed with a friend next year, please let us know. As I noted, it can be an issue for some students. I would not raise it with DD. If she had a friend she was pining to be with her next year, she probably would have told you by now!

[Anonymous]

OP here. To 10:11, when your DS and his friend were split up, did he find new friends (or was he ostracized)?

I also have one other concern. Will cliques form around my daughter while she continues to be a friend to everyone? oy vey!

[Anonymous]

At 5, kids have preferences with who they play with. My son who is almost 5 refuses to have playdates with neighbor kids that he has been in playgroup with since he was 3 months old. He just does not like this one boy. They play very differently and have different interests. If I ask son who he wants to have a playdate with he will always say the same few boys.

Ask her. She will tell you, and yes I would be concerned about cliques forming around her. That best friend is important part of them forming their identity.