Disrespectful adult kids

[Anonymous]

Have you had any experiences dealing with children of yours, age 25+ but under 30 who are disrespectful?

My aunt has a 27 year old daughter who lives with her and when its dinner time her daughter always looks at the dinner and says : ”ugh Im not hungry”, or ”definitely no thanks” . But she only says that After she sees whats for dinner. And she ends up not eating anything and then complains that she’s hungry and that there’s nothing for her.

I find this disrespectful and have found my aunt on the verge of tears. I tell her that its not her responsibility to make a dinner everyones gonna love. Its amazing enough she cooks at all. + she works full time. Her daughter works full time too btw.

Her daughter is really kind in general trust me but she has these disrespectful moments and it makes me so mad. Its not okay. You eat whats served thats it.

How can I help my aunt? What would u do? I mean she cares about her daughter ofc but enoughs enough.

[Anonymous]

Tell your aunt to stop cooking. Simple.

[Anonymous]

I have told her to stop cooking. But i dont have kids so maybe thats easier said than done for me.

My aunt doesn’t do ”tough love” its not in her blood

[Anonymous]

"We clearly have different preferences in food. I think it would be better if from now on you took care of your own dinners".

I lived with my parents until I was 24, and I wasn't too crazy about my father's cooking. So I always made sure to have stuff that I could use to make something quick for myself.

[Anonymous]

If you're living with your parents at age 27 it is somewhat infantilizing and you're likely to behave more like 14, it's just how it is. Mother needs to treat adult daughter like an adult guest or room-mate. She can make her own dinners.

[Anonymous]

Instead of "being hurt", your relative should be responding insulted, find it obnoxious and say that. More like if she were insulted by a neighbor, a co-worker, an acquaintance, or someone she thought was a friend.

[Anonymous]

Is this your cousin you're talking about? It's not your place to do anything unless specifically asked for help.

[Anonymous]

Your aunt need to grow a backbone and tell the 27 yr old mooch to move out.

[Anonymous]

I would feel comfortable saying to my cousin something like "wow, Dawn, you sound like you're 16, maybe it's time for an adult to adult relationship with your mom."

[Anonymous]

If your aunt complains about her daughter to you but then doesn't do anything about it, she's just using you as a bottomless emotional garbage disposal, and that's not OK either! She's riling you up, and then frustrating you because no action is ever taken that changes the situation. Refuse to be drawn into their unhealthy dynamic. If your aunt really wanted things to change, she'd have cracked by now. So stay out of it - they're both getting something out of this relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think you may be confusing disrespect with immature. She sounds immature, and she should be living on her own by 27. Also, I stopped cooking meals the minute my youngest turned 18. No way in hell your aunt should be cooking nightly meals for adults.

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with you. Why are you gossiping about your relatives on this site.

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Your aunt raised this person. If she chooses to accept this behavior from her own child, that’s on her. Until your aunt develops some self esteem and learns to set some boundaries, she will continue to be in this situation. The only person your aunt can change is herself. If she doesn’t like this situation, then it’s on her to change it.

[Anonymous]

You sound insanely petty. This is none of your business, plus you say that this cousin (she's your cousin, right? your "aunt's daughter" is your cousin?) is otherwise respectful and kind. And I"m guessing you aren't eating dinner there every night, so you have no idea if this is a regular thing or might be related to some other relationship issue between them. And if you are over their every night, then I'd REALLY recommend backing off because this is not your drama.

Don't tell your aunt what to do, don't tell your cousin what to do, keep your thoughts to yourself, and constantly remind yourself "I don't really have enough context to be assessing this situation."