Divorcing with kids, feeling unhopeful about finding love

[Anonymous]

I'm facing a divorce within the next 1-1.5 years depending on how things play out. Wife leaving for another woman. I have 3 young children and I'll be 40 next year. What's the dating scene like? Is there any hope? I can't really imagine anyone who would want to enter into my messy life between the contentious divorce and my full house...

I'm not looking to get seriously involved anytime soon because I don't believe that's acting in the kids' best interest and I need to be the stable parent here. But in the next couple years, hopefully.

[Anonymous]

FFS will you PLEASE think about your kids above all? Why are you even posting about dating? Ugh.
— Adult child of divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FFS will you PLEASE think about your kids above all? Why are you even posting about dating? Ugh.
— Adult child of divorce

Did you not read the last sentence of my post? On the contrary, I have been the ONLY one thinking about the kids while my wife is off in La La Land. I was willing to forgive, go to extensive counseling, you name it. But yes, eventually, I would like to feel love again, but nothing/no one will come before my children.

[Anonymous]

Of course there’s hope! When you’re ready, go on match.com or another site. Lots of people divorced with kids. I did that after my divorce and met a great guy. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You will be fine. But the process needs to play out.

Why wait a year or two? That will just postpone to the time when you are actually healed and ready for a new relationship.

[Anonymous]

Jesus. Worry about your kids, you manchild.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm also a woman; this is the LGBTQIA forum... just to be clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm also a woman; this is the LGBTQIA forum... just to be clear.

Np I think people were confused because it popped up in recent threads. No advice but, I am sure you will find someone!

[Anonymous]

Jeez people. Before you pounce on OP….
You can take care of your kids AND date.
What is it with people who want others to just keep pouring from an empty cup, forever?
We need love. It’s very lonely without it.

OP I’m 43 and divorced from a man and dating women.
Post-divorce I’ve had 1 relationship end very sadly.
It’s lonely, but not hopeless.
I try to believe that if and when I’ve healed and can make enough room to connect with someone again, there will be someone out there for me.
In the meantime I’m focused on my career, my kids, and friendships/connections in the lesbian community while I’m not emotionally available for a relationship. I’m keeping myself in pretty good shape, just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeez people. Before you pounce on OP….
You can take care of your kids AND date.
What is it with people who want others to just keep pouring from an empty cup, forever?
We need love. It’s very lonely without it.

OP I’m 43 and divorced from a man and dating women.
Post-divorce I’ve had 1 relationship end very sadly.
It’s lonely, but not hopeless.
I try to believe that if and when I’ve healed and can make enough room to connect with someone again, there will be someone out there for me.
In the meantime I’m focused on my career, my kids, and friendships/connections in the lesbian community while I’m not emotionally available for a relationship. I’m keeping myself in pretty good shape, just in case.

Thank you PP. I think I'd feel more positive about everything if I wanted the divorce but it's like everything is being forced upon me and I'm trying to do the best with the hand I've been dealt (and to reiterate, not anytime in the near future). I hope you find someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez people. Before you pounce on OP….
You can take care of your kids AND date.
What is it with people who want others to just keep pouring from an empty cup, forever?
We need love. It’s very lonely without it.

OP I’m 43 and divorced from a man and dating women.
Post-divorce I’ve had 1 relationship end very sadly.
It’s lonely, but not hopeless.
I try to believe that if and when I’ve healed and can make enough room to connect with someone again, there will be someone out there for me.
In the meantime I’m focused on my career, my kids, and friendships/connections in the lesbian community while I’m not emotionally available for a relationship. I’m keeping myself in pretty good shape, just in case.

Thank you PP. I think I'd feel more positive about everything if I wanted the divorce but it's like everything is being forced upon me and I'm trying to do the best with the hand I've been dealt (and to reiterate, not anytime in the near future). I hope you find someone.

That is a very very hard thing to deal with and you should take the time you need with it, but if at all possible I hope you can shift your energy to accepting the divorce and moving on to what needs to be done. The sooner the divorce is over, the sooner everyone involved can move to “new normal” and you may find yourself feeling better about finding someone,
OP do you work? Have you been the default parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez people. Before you pounce on OP….
You can take care of your kids AND date.
What is it with people who want others to just keep pouring from an empty cup, forever?
We need love. It’s very lonely without it.

OP I’m 43 and divorced from a man and dating women.
Post-divorce I’ve had 1 relationship end very sadly.
It’s lonely, but not hopeless.
I try to believe that if and when I’ve healed and can make enough room to connect with someone again, there will be someone out there for me.
In the meantime I’m focused on my career, my kids, and friendships/connections in the lesbian community while I’m not emotionally available for a relationship. I’m keeping myself in pretty good shape, just in case.

Thank you PP. I think I'd feel more positive about everything if I wanted the divorce but it's like everything is being forced upon me and I'm trying to do the best with the hand I've been dealt (and to reiterate, not anytime in the near future). I hope you find someone.

That is a very very hard thing to deal with and you should take the time you need with it, but if at all possible I hope you can shift your energy to accepting the divorce and moving on to what needs to be done. The sooner the divorce is over, the sooner everyone involved can move to “new normal” and you may find yourself feeling better about finding someone,
OP do you work? Have you been the default parent?

I'm working through it. I do work, part time, and yes I am the default parent.

[Anonymous]

All my divorced friends with kids have significant others within the first two years. None sacrifice their kids or their relationships with their kids. Most do not actually blend the families but mostly see significant others when kids are at the other parent's house.

[Anonymous]

One day at a time. That person will be out there, when you are ready.