Dealing with OCD mom
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Anonymous
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I've been with this family for 3 years and the MB's OCD and obsessive cleaning is starting to wear on me. I'm surprised that I've been able to deal with it for this long. She likes her house to be spotless. Kids are not allowed to make crumbs when eating, can't play with anything "messy" like paint or markers, I spend a good part of my day cleaning the counters, vacuuming, tidying up so that she doesn't come home to find a single crumb, paper scrap, crayon, etc, out of place. But this is her house and this is how she wants things, so I've adjusted and dealt with it.
But this is where it really starts to bother me. She hates clutter and throws everything out! I've seen her go thorough the kids schoolwork when she comes home and look at some really nice art work they've made and she'll say "that's really nice!", and then immediately throw it in the trash! Sometimes she'll do it right in front of the kids and they'll get upset. She'll say something like, oh we didn't need to keep that, did we? And she's constantly going through their toys and books and throwing perfectly good stuff away. I've purchased them some really nice stuff for their birthdays and Christmas and within a few months it's gone. I've asked her about a few of the things that have gone missing and she'll either say she doesn't know what happened to it, which is nonsense cause she knows that she chucked it, or she'll say that she threw it out cause they never play with it, which also isn't true because I'm home with them all day and these are toys that they absolutely still play with! I feel so bad for them when I see them searching the house for a toy or book that they loved that she has gotten rid of. I also have this dilema now where when it's their birthdays or Christmas I wil usually spend $25-$30 per kid, but I'm finding that I really don't want to waste my money on something that may end up in the trash within a few months. But I don't want to punish the kids and not buy them something they'll really like just because their mother is an obsessive cleaner. Has anyone had to deal with a MB like this before? |
Anonymous
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Stop spending your money on their kids. Do a special outing or something.
The woman has a mental health issue. You can't fix that. If she refuses to get professional help, then her kids will need therapy to try to understand their mother's compulsive behavior. On a certain level, the poor children are the real victims here. |
Anonymous
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Stop buying them toys. I buy my kids what I want them to have. They don't need 14 dolls. We are fairly minimalistic. If you want to buy them things, buy them experiences.
I throw out my kids artwork too, though not right in front of them. But seriously, my 4 yr old can do like 15 pictures in one day. We're not keeping all that. |
Anonymous
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Thanks for the advice. Taking them out for a special activity would be a better idea. And I agree that the kids are suffering in this situation. I can already see how her mental instability is effecting them. At only 7 the oldest already has a stress induced tic disorder. And the 4 year old and 7 both have been exhibiting some OCD behaviors, like having to line foods up in a certain order, and then eat them in a certain order. Or obsessively organizing small toys, like shopkins and squinkies. And they just seem to be emotionally fragile, especially the older kid.
She isn't seeing a therapist but is on anxiety medication. And if it is working then I'd be afraid to see how bad she is without it. With the medication she has a hard time handling the kids. Like if they get sick she will literally have a panic attack over it. She will avoid the kids like they have the plague and will obsessively clean and disinfect the entire house. Oh, and I wasn't suggesting that she keep every scribble they make, but if it's a really nice art project that you can tell they spent a lot of time on and they are excited to share it with her when she gets home then it's really upsetting to see her just throw it away. |
Anonymous
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I think it's very rude of your Mom Boss to throw out her children's artwork in front of them. That breaks my heart. ;(
Is she actually tossing their books/toys in the garbage or could she possibly be donating them? Either way, it's just plain cruel to do behind her children's back. You cannot help her w/this problem....Only a good therapist + some meds can. Instead of purchasing material items for your charges on their birthdays, consider taking them somewhere fun & special. In this case, experiences shared together would be something that their mother cannot take away from them. 
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Anonymous
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her house, her rules, get over it or quit.
I'm an MB and kid "artwork" overwhelms the house. I can't find my important bills, papers, documents, due to all the clutter. It is her right to throw it out. and the amount of kid toys is ridiculous too. no kid needs as many toys as they get today. It just adds to the overall junk that moms need to dust, arrange, pick up, then sort and figure out what gets donated or thrown away. I've tried to institute a "no gifts" until a bday rule, but grandma and nannies always bring in lots of stuff. Newsflash- MOMS DO NOT WANT ANY MORE $20 TARGET CRAP IN THEIR HOMES I will never fault a nanny if they never ever get my kids one present. As PP mentioned, if you must get kids a gift, pay for a special outing, like going to see a movie, or museum, or a fancy lunch. |
Anonymous
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"Mom Boss to throw out her children's artwork in front of them. That breaks my heart. ;( "
If this "breaks your heart", you are far too sensitive and need to find some charitable cause to put your efforts to. Or have some kids of your own that you will allow to post their random scribblings throughout your own house. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Time to find a new job. |
Anonymous
| I'm not OCD but I do do all of the things you're criticizing. My house is generally pretty neat, I toss a large volume of "artwork" - although not in front of my kids, and I frequently go through and throw out broken toys or donate things my kids don't play with. It does seem that even if they haven't touched it in a year the minute it's gone someone will say "where's that frozen picture frame?" They're not heartbroken over it though and they have plenty of toys and games so they're no worse off. Some people are just not into stuff. Stop judging. |
Anonymous
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Do they have a playroom where they can put artwork on the walls? or their bedroom doors maybe?
I agree with not buying them stuff for bdays and xmas. Take them somewhere special, to a show, movie, ice skating, something like that. Create memories they can keep. |
Anonymous
| Weeding through artwork and disliking mess and clutter is one thing and something I definitely understand - but not allowing the kids to use markers and paints? That's something I'd be worried about. OP, have you tried talking to your boss about the importance of creative exploration, etc for little kids? |
Anonymous
The mother clearly has mental health problems. |
Anonymous
| I second (or third, whatever) that you should buy the kids experiences, not stuff. It's possible that your MB dislikes that you buy them stuff, but is too polite to say so. I'm not OCD, but we have limited space and I have to tell family all the time not to buy my daughter stuff, especially clothes and toys (both of which she has a ton of), but they do anyway. If the nanny bought her stuff, while I would appreciate her thoughtfulness, I'd be aggravated at the same time because I'd have to keep it around since she would notice if her gifts went missing. |