Need Advice on Au Pair Situation

[Anonymous]

12-1 is not "basically free time." You're positively delusional. You've bullied this poor girl so badly she looked for any escape, including rushing into marriage with a stranger who you deem her "soul mate"

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you have good intentions. But you're taking a really narrow view to her schedule - to you it's a 15 minute morning dropoff, to the AP it's a responsibility that affects her whole morning. If she may need to make lunch or do laundry from 12-1, then it's not free time.
It sounds like you/your wife are a bit over-reliant on the AP and spending very little time with both the newborn and your older child alone. Having been there I understand that's really intimidating, but it's something worth getting used to, and it gets easier. (Unless your wife is struggling with PPD or some other challenge, I hope that is not the case.)
You say the AP is not extending but these are just things to take into account for a future AP. Sometimes you need to max out the 45 hours but if you can avoid doing that every single week, it can go a long way towards building a good HF-AP relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you have good intentions. But you're taking a really narrow view to her schedule - to you it's a 15 minute morning dropoff, to the AP it's a responsibility that affects her whole morning. If she may need to make lunch or do laundry from 12-1, then it's not free time.
It sounds like you/your wife are a bit over-reliant on the AP and spending very little time with both the newborn and your older child alone. Having been there I understand that's really intimidating, but it's something worth getting used to, and it gets easier. (Unless your wife is struggling with PPD or some other challenge, I hope that is not the case.)
You say the AP is not extending but these are just things to take into account for a future AP. Sometimes you need to max out the 45 hours but if you can avoid doing that every single week, it can go a long way towards building a good HF-AP relationship.

For her to go out and work for 15 minutes, she still has to get up, get dressed, get the kid up and dressed, feed them, drive them and that's more than 15 minutes.

[Anonymous]

I would just part ways with her and let the company know she’s no longer lives with you. You need to hire a live out nanny for the hours you need as no one wants to work that schedule for that little money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just part ways with her and let the company know she’s no longer lives with you. You need to hire a live out nanny for the hours you need as no one wants to work that schedule for that little money.

+1000 to the bolded. OP, you may think what you're asking is all within the rules of the program, but unless you're paying her substantially above the legal threshold, you'll have a hard time finding anyone willing to work that schedule.

[Anonymous]

She must live with her host family. She cannot be married and live elsewhere. You need to tell the agency.

[Anonymous]

She is no longer your au pair and does not owe you anything as au pair would, she is now your private employee. If she is married american, she no longer needs au pair visa. Is it a fake post, since these things are obvious?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to significantly lighten her schedule - this is too much and you are not realizing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is no longer your au pair and does not owe you anything as au pair would, she is now your private employee. If she is married american, she no longer needs au pair visa. Is it a fake post, since these things are obvious?

Au pair visa is temporary. She has a path to a green card and a work permit, which takes time to get. She can quit being an au pair but she probably won't be able to get a job more than minimum wage under the table, and she provably wouldn't be able to afford a car.

She is still an au pair (in the program and possessing an au pair visa sponsored by her agency), and I don't know why you think she suddenly became a private employee just because she married and moved out. The host family doesn't owe her anything either.

[Anonymous]

Just rematch. This is not a tenable solution for either your family or your soon to be former au pair.

[Anonymous]

I concur that most APs expect less than the max allowed hours. Companies do a lousy job recruiting. They tell them the rules and the strongly imply that they'll work less than that. It sets them up for dissatisfaction.

The heart of the problem is that she has moved out. If she lived in the house, then being on call in case the toddler wakes up wouldn't be a big deal, nor would a 15 minute drive while mom watches the infant.

But you're actually in a great situation. Rematches can be really disruptive. It seems like this situation is tenable during this transition time, and you simply don't extend. (If she's married an American, it seems odd she woud even *want* to extend...)