Question about dent in car

[Anonymous]

I have two cars. One I drive exclusively, and one that my AP uses exclusively. She uses it mostly for off-time driving, but also drives kids to/from school and to their father on his days. That's it for on-duty.

She has two weeks left before she leaves.
Earlier in her year, she caused damage to my car by not noticing that the rear passenger door was all the way open before backing out of the garage.
She can be oblivious, not situationally-aware and very unemotional.

She uses the car a lot in her off time and lately has been taking my bike on a bike rack to the trail to ride in her off time.

Yesterday, when I arrived home, I saw a baseball sized dent in the tailgate door below the license plate, but above the bumper. Noticeable, but not impactful to the car. There were no scratches or other paint around the area...and it looked a bit too far in to be a bump from another car.

I went inside and asked her what happened to the car. She didn't know what I was talking about, so we went to the garage and looked. She did not seem to know what happened or what caused the bump. When we put the bike rack on the car, it *seemed* to line up with the bump, but not exactly.

We talked about possibilities, but nothing seemed to really click. I asked if she noticed this before but she said no. I asked my son, who is 10.5 if he saw this before, and he said the day before he did not see it. He often opens the tailgate to get his helmet for his bike or skateboard, which are carried around sometimes in the car.

My AP drives fast, and I can totally see her driving fast over the speedbumps with the bike rack and bike on the back which might bounce and could have caused this, maybe.

I had the dent estimated and the lowest estimate is $700.

I am unsure what to do. No one knows how or when it happened. While it is possible that another car hit it, she said that she parked away from cars yesterday and the spot doesn't seem like it would be a spot that a car would hit. She didn't get it while on duty, because the kids would have told me if something happened.

She seemed really unemotional and non-remorseful about the whole thing during the whole review. Almost flippant..don't care, its not my car. After we looked at it, she went back to her room as usual...no emotions. She is prepping for her travel month and has already checked out.

I don't think she KNEW what happened because she isn't very observant or careful

An evil part of me thinks she is holding back the truth because she has no money and it's all spent on her travel month, new phone and latest purchases.

It will be a hassle to fix it, but after she leaves I head to the beach for a week, so I could drop it off without much issue. I could forgive it and eat the cost or not fix it, but that leaves a bad taste in my mouth that she takes no responsibility...which she hasn't expressed at all, for this or even her other accident!

If I ask her to pay for some of it, I come off mean ...taking her travel month money (which she hasn't been saving for, and is borrowing some from parents), and making her pay for something I am not sure she caused, but suspect she did. Maybe not ask for $500, but maybe $350 (half of the lowest estimate)?

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

She hit a pole or something.

[Anonymous]

Our AP backed into a pole as well. Her car has a backup camera. I swear you have to try to hit something or just close your eyes and back up in order to back into anything. She did not admit to anything and had "no idea" what cause the damage. It is a dead center in the bumper and on the hatch, literally white paint from the pole on the car.

If she does not know she does not know...think of it this way, if you were explaining this to a police officer or judge how would they rule? You have circumstantial evidence and if she does not admit to it not much you can do...maybe she does not get a christmas card from you this year is about the best options.

[Anonymous]

If she has expressed no responsibility for the previous accident as well and it cost $$ to repair and there's no way that someone or something else caused the damage then I'd probably ask for at least 1/2 the cost of the repair.

If nothing else, she would lose driving privileges with the car in her off time.

[Anonymous]

The bike rack definitely did not do that. You can be certain with your kids' ages that they would have told you if she were on duty when it happens.
Hav a meeting, explain that even if she were unaware, it had to ave happened when she was off-duty. The show her the estimates, and say that you are "only" asking her to pay half of the lowest. With two paychecks left, she will have the $350. It's not fair to your next AP for her to just walk away. If she balks, revoke all perks, from personal use of the car to extra data on the phone, etc.

[Anonymous]

We had an AP who had "no idea" how our car was damaged. His comment was that "someone must have hit it." When I showed him that it was clear that our car did the hitting, not something else hitting us, he then insisted that the car had been stolen and someone had crashed it and then returned it to the same spot where he had parked it at a party. It took two full days and four conversations, including our sitting him down and asking him several times to try to remember, etc, for him to come clean that he had done it. Sometimes good APs make bad choices and don't tell the truth. It's really disappointing, but it is what it is.

Honestly, OP, her lack of concern would irk me the most. She has had the benefit of the car all year. If she hadn't been responsible, I feel like she would have been very anxious to make sure that you understand that she didn't do it. The checked out response would drive me batty.

Depending on the relationship you have had all year and what kind of an AP she has been, you have a few choices:

1) Sit her down and tell her that this is the car she drives, that this damage happened on her watch, and that she needs to pay half the cost of the repair
or
2) No more personal use of the car because you can't incur anymore expenses on it
or
3) Suck it up and say that she has been a good Ap (if she has been) and that this is sometimes the cost of having an AP

Only you know the full of your relationship, so only you can decide what is the right approach. Me, I would not have an AP in my house who was so cavalier about the car she exclusively drives being damaged. I would be having a sit-down with ehr about the attitude, let alone the dent.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It looks like someone stepped on it. Was anyone getting anything on the roof?

I'd let it go.

[Anonymous]

I'd let it go. Cars get dents. You don't know she caused it, and the dent isn't hurting the car. I think it would be pretty petty of you to ask or demand she pay for it.

[Anonymous]

I'd revoke her off-duty driving privileges and pay for the repair myself. You can't absolutely prove she did it and even if she did, it was an likely unintentional. You can reduce the likelihood of it happening again by limiting her use of the car to work hours.

[Anonymous]

If it's just a dent... unless you plan to eventually sell it on (or it's leased), why bother with getting it repaired for $700? If it's an exclusive au pair car, there will be more dents and bumps and scratches eventually.

I'd save the money and not worry about it. The new AP won't mind. It's not a safety issue. It's purely cosmetic. The current AP might have caused it but you can't prove it. The bike rack might have caused it but if it doesn't line up it just as well might not have. She might have hit something, something might have hit her. Cars get dents, cars get scratched (I just found a dent in my driver fender... I didn't hit anything though it looks like I did, I drive the car exclusively so if I didn't hit anything, something must have hit me... I will never know). You can't make her pay half just because you want her to be more emotional or appologetic about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's just a dent... unless you plan to eventually sell it on (or it's leased), why bother with getting it repaired for $700? If it's an exclusive au pair car, there will be more dents and bumps and scratches eventually.

I'd save the money and not worry about it. The new AP won't mind. It's not a safety issue. It's purely cosmetic. The current AP might have caused it but you can't prove it. The bike rack might have caused it but if it doesn't line up it just as well might not have. She might have hit something, something might have hit her. Cars get dents, cars get scratched (I just found a dent in my driver fender... I didn't hit anything though it looks like I did, I drive the car exclusively so if I didn't hit anything, something must have hit me... I will never know). You can't make her pay half just because you want her to be more emotional or appologetic about it.

We've had seven au pairs and this is how we would deal with it. I get it, you're irked and the fact that she's flaky at times isn't helping. But stuff happens. If you only have two weeks left, let it go. If you had more of your year left, you might want to point out that as this IS the au pair car, dents won't get fixed, so unless she wants to drive around a junky-looking car, she better be careful. There's no upside to making a huge issue over this other than to make yourself feel better (which I get) but at some point doing that is going to decrease the quality of care your kids are getting because she's going to start resenting how you're treating her.

[Anonymous]

I'd let it go, but I'd also revoke off-hours driving privileges for the remainder of the two weeks. If she's this careless and checked out, what other damage might she do to the car before she leaves, and then you're really stuck with a bill? Not to mention, if she's this careless with driving on her own, how careful is she when she's driving your kids?

I'd also revoke use of your bike.

We have had APs do major damage to our minivan -- and it's a shared car, not an AP-only car. Like back into another car in a parking lot (and we had to contribute to that owner's bill), drive into a pillar in an underground garage, smashing the front of the car, etc. It costs a huge amount of money not only in deductibles, payments to other owners, getting a rental while the car is in the shop, etc. but also increased insurance premiums. So even though this particular incident is perhaps only cosmetic, and even though she only has two weeks left, if she's not being safe and responsible with your property then I wouldn't take the chance of an even bigger and more costly accident in her remaining time.

And I certainly wouldn't give her a going-away bonus or cash present.

[Anonymous]

Two weeks to go. No ability to prove anything. Don't give a bonus or going away gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two weeks to go. No ability to prove anything. Don't give a bonus or going away gift.

I don't think this should affect your plans re: bonus or going away gift. For all you know, someone hit the car with something in a parking lot. You just don't know. And it's really not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two weeks to go. No ability to prove anything. Don't give a bonus or going away gift.

I don't think this should affect your plans re: bonus or going away gift. For all you know, someone hit the car with something in a parking lot. You just don't know. And it's really not a big deal.

NP here. $700 not a big deal? It is in my house!

I agree that without proof, OP probably should not require AP to pay part of the cost.

However, I also agree that the AP's lack of concern over her HF's vehicle (of which she was the sole driver, to her significant benefit), and what sounds like an "oh well" attitude about her HF having to pay to fix it, would make me CRAZY. If I were in the APs shoes, even at 19, I would feel so bad that the car was possibly damaged on my "watch" that you can bet I'd be offering to do what I could and apologizing profusely.

Her poor attitude would be enough for me to eliminate or significantly reduce an end of year bonus. Why would I want to go further out of pocket for someone who clearly has no appreciation for my assets and my bottom line? Her bonus would become the 11 prior months she had use of the car. And I would absolutely end all car and bike privileges immediately.