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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Reply to "Any opinions about adoption with biological children?"
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[quote=Anonymous]Biological oldest child here with adopted younger sister 11 years difference. My personal experience is that adoption for SOME parents who are incapable of acknowledging the psychological traumatization that can affect a biological child, should never adopt. In fact, frankly I'm against adoption across the board due to my own experiences. At 11 years old in a home with parents who worked 90% of the time but made a comfortable home for my I have to admit for the most part I was spoiled. But as always I had a good heart and wanted a sibling. My mother attempted for years to have a biological child but due to medical issues it was not in the cards. I frankly rejoiced in having a sibling at that time and was all for the adoption. But after my adopted sibling got home things changed. Where I was a latchkey kid and had very little of dad's attention due to his work and dealt with his anger when things weren't "just so" in his OCD world, my "sister" was treated differently. It's funny, I'm 38 now and just recently my father looked at me and said "We know we play favorites and you're not it." I look back on it now and realize in their minds they were trying to do exactly what it is that people tell you to. Make the child feel loved, don't let the adoptive child EVER be made to feel like their different. In doing so, my own psychological incapable parents lost sight of the fact that they HAD a biological child and only knew saw the adopted child. So much so I to this day can count only maybe one picture of me on their walls in their home and countless of my adopted sister. My father's coworkers demanded to even see my license once when I was 18 when I told them that I was his daughter because "He only has one daughter, I've only seen pictures on one child in his office and you're not her." Don't get me wrong, I went through growing pains just like every other teenager and early adult. I made screw ups just like everyone, but NOTHING to justify being told I was "a guest in their home not family." Sorry but if you're not prepared to admit that psychologically siblings MAY need counseling and therapy throughout this growing process, you shouldn't be allowed to adopt. I'm actually in the process of getting my thoughts down on paper. Children have been scarred silently due to just this problem and noone has spoken for the biological children that go through this. [/quote]
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