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[quote=Anonymous]I thought I would add something since I was adopted when I was four from China. My parents have two biological children and I am the middle. So I just wanted to comment on a few things, which is that too often when I tell people that I am adopted they tell me how lucky I am that I was saved, how wonderful my parents must have been and how sorry they feel for me. And trust me, I don't need anyone's sympathies.

And it's really annoying especially since I grew up in a household with two parents who had similar views and who obviously favored their biological children(although they would never admit it to this day). It's important to remember that it's human nature to favor those who are genetically related to you. But this of course can always be overcome. My parents would be completely embarrassed if anyone thought they treated me differently. I guess suffice it to say, often times, those who refuse to see any fault within themselves are the most likely to have fault.

While adopted children will have their issues, I think it's important to remember that all children have their issues, not all adoptive children have the same issues, and that you can see favoritism in a family with only biological children. I'm a big fan of treating family issues, as if the whole family has the issue, as opposed to seeing the child as the issue/problem. You can create a family dynamic in which every child feels loved, respected, and treated fairly. On the other hand you can also create a family dynamic that that does not. And more often than not, the latter will be the default if you do not have this purpose in mind. My mother and sister both had severe depression problems and often I was told to my face that I thought something was unfair just because I was adopted. So for me, I believe it was easier to for my family to make me the scape goat for other issues and often projected onto me what they were actually thinking. When I was a child I never remembered that I was adopted until my parents would say something like "you just think we did that because you are adopted." I also think that when I viewed my family I saw all white faces and did not see how different I looked, whereas when my parents saw me and the family, I don't think they could forget that I was adopted.

I also want to add that while it is rare for people to consider adopting older children, and I acknowledge that to be a good thing, you have to remember that adoption is a situation where both people should be gaining something wonderful-the child and the adoptive family. You should never go into an adoption thinking that you are some saint rescuing some poor orphan. Too often American families measure the quality of life by $$$ and don't recogniz  the kind of loss  an adoptive child goes through when they loose their biological family for whatever reason. Like any other child, the adoptive child has no choice in who their parents are. They had no choice in choosing their biological parents and they had no choice in choosing their adoptive parents.

I was put up for adoption when I was 4 and put into foster care and was adopted at 4 1/2. I have a long complicated story. I also have my own child and am considering adopting a child as well. When I gave birth to my child, I thought that my son was the greatest gift I have ever received and I will think no differently if and when I decide to adopt a child.

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