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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "How do parents avoid raising entitled, self-absorbed adults?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I actually don't know and struggle with this. Just has a huge talk with ds and dd just yesterday about money. I knew something was wrong, and finally got to the root of it: They think we are loaded and cheap, and ds especially is resentful, and jealous of his friends who get so much more. No amount of talking to him about how saving is important, talking about expenses in life like mortgage, emergency repair, a car breaking down, would convince him we are not in fact so loaded we should spend much more freely. He is very materialistic as well. We are not, I shop at Goodwill and TJ Maxx because that is what I like. He looks down on it. DD was entirely different in her approach and she got it. Her main concern is that she too can be too frugal and not spend her money. I went to bed thinking that dd was raised right, and ds wasn't. We're the same parents to both. I fear how he'll be as an adult.[/quote] Is he surrounded by people that either have more than you or spend a lot more than you? It's a tough situation for a kid to handle. He may be more sensitive than your daughter in picking up social cues and/or have a harder time dealing with big emotions. [/quote] I think we are making slightly more than a lot of people but also are younger and have different benefits so it’s hard to say. Our area is not ultra wealthy, homes all under 1 mil and that’s not ours which we paid half that for. Yes, I would say people spend more as a whole. He claims only his friends whose parents are much less well off have as little as he has, does not understand why we do not spend more. We do spend a lot to visit my family abroad and just has a ski trip this winter, mostly for his sake. [/quote] It's hard even for adults to cope with feeling like they are at the bottom of the social pecking order. Just look at this forum how many posts there are about comparing houses, vacations, cars, schools and feeling inadequate etc. In your son's case he feels like you are putting him at the bottom of the pecking order even though you have the means not to. I don't think you need to indulge him, but try to understand his feelings. At the end of the day he sees the majority of the adults that sorround him on a day to day basis approach money differently than you.[/quote] I personally don't find it hard at all because i like what I do have. I understand envy to some extent, but not to the extent of actually telling my parents I feel entitled to their money and they should spend more on me and I should spend my money differently and x and y way.[/quote] It's the family's money. No one tells a SAHM she is not entitled to her husband's money because well it's the family's money. Children's needs, preferences and experiences should be taken into account when making financial decisions. It's hard to go to the book fair with $20 when most of your schoolmates were given $100. Double hard if your parents can afford it. I get it most kids can't afford even the $20 but this boy is not surrounded by those kids. He may understand rationally that he has a better life than most yet feel awful on a day to day basis because on a day to day basis he is at the bottom of the pecking order.[/quote]
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