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Reply to "Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for. I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.[/quote] Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?[/quote] Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.[/quote] Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.[/quote] PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.[/quote] My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should? If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.[/quote] DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.[/quote] This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.[/quote] This[/quote] I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.[/quote] It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back. I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity. I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.[/quote] Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when[b] you are paying for everything. [/b] I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things? The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults. Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.[/quote] This is so weird. The situations I outlined in my post certainly do not constitute "paying for everything." [b]Helping to pay for a replacement car, helping with childcare, or a downpayment on a condo are not "everything."[/b] Kids still need to pay for their housing, food, insurance, etc. But having parental help as a safety net or as a springboard is a huge help and a big part of establishing or maintaining generational wealth. As parents, we are not expecting to pay for all of our kids' living expenses as adults, but we definitely plan to be there to help them out. The refusal to think of money in this way reminds me of parents on the college forum who are adamant that SLACs are inferior to large universities even when extremely well educated and well-off parents and even professors are advising that SLACs are just as good, if not better, than large universities. You don't need to take anyone's anonymous advice, but it's advice probably worth mulling over rather than digging in your ignorant heels and rejecting outright.[/quote] Not sure how you remotely equate the two. Raising kids and securing shelter certainly seem like most of the core functions of parents and the vast majority don't rely on parent handouts. Again, if your kid can't pay to replace a car, then your kid is seriously struggling. I fully appreciate the value of Williams vs. Ohio State. I don't understand at all why you would equate the two.[/quote] In most worlds, paying $2K/month for childcare is a lot of money for a young family. And helping with a downpayment is not the same as paying a mortgage. I don't see why as a parent you prefer to see your kids and grandkids struggle unnecessarily. I'd rather see my kids spend time with their children than have to take on overtime, moonlight, or take on a part-time job.[/quote] 1000% Simply do not understand the "dont' help them they cannot/are not fully adults if you provide any extra assistance" If you have the money and want to gift them $$$, go ahead and do it. If I can help my kids have a higher quality of life with their family and grandkids why wouldn't I do it [/quote]
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