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Reply to "Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have no idea what any of you are talking about. We are adults, we have birthdays, we go out for dinner with friends and everyone pays their own way. Why is this different from being 25 or 30 or 35 (I am 40)? You say, "it is my birthday. I really want to spend it with you. Let's meet at a bar and hang out (25), have dinner and drinks (30), a night out without the kids (34 +). In all of these examples, if I was invited, I would assume I was paying for the birthday boy/girl. That is called good manners. Recent example: For DHs birthday in December I emailed three couple friends and said, "hey, it is DHs birthday. How about a night out with dinner and drinks?" They all came, they all tried to pay for him, never had any crazy idea we would pay, and were incredibly grateful for a reason to get a sitter and get out with other grown ups. I honestly don't know any of you. I have never been 'invited' to a birthday part out and had it all paid for. The only experience I have ever had like that was at something called a wedding. OP - go forth, send an email to your friends asking them to join in a birthday celebration and a fun night out. I would do an email rather than an evite, in order to deflect any of the ideas on this thread. If I am just white trash and don't know people with this kind of money (and we could afford to pay for a meal like this), I will happily become your friend to be invited to a birthday in which just by being 'invited' i get a free meal.[/quote] To the PP, are these close friends? I think if it is something you do all the time with a group of friends it may be no big deal. Sort of like the person you go out frequently enough to say, hey I have you this time, knowing the next time the person will cover your bill. That's a far cry from going out with people you don't know that well where you are not only "splitting" bill with the person that orders the extra appetizer and three drinks but you are covering the birthday person and as someone mentioned it would be awkward to not also include the spouse. It's not as though the person "hosting" will be doing the same thing when my husband's 40th birthday rolls around because we don't hang out like that. My family doesn't have a lot of money and my mom was one to say you make do with what you have. If OP wants a night out with friends that is dutch, then make it night out that isn't for DH birthday where people will feel obligated to pay for her meal and DH. If I didn't know someone that well I would wonder if it was just a way to get a night out on someone else's tab. If it is about getting people together to celebrate, as most people have mentioned they don't care if it is limited furniture, if it is Costco platters, if it is brunch, if it is cake and punch etc. the fact that you are using your time and money( whatever the budget) to graciously invite people that you may not know that well to celebrate is a big deal in a good way. As for potluck, I don't really cook so as long as someone has options that don't include cooking e.g. Drinks, dessert, salad etc., then I'm fine.[/quote]
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