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Reply to "Please help me not hate my adult stepson"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My stepson sound just like this. In and out of rehab, reckless driving, parents competed for his attention and he was spoiled. I am separated from DH mainly for this reason. His inability to prioritize the financial stability of the ACTUAL CHILD who is living at home over the desires of the adult man was a huge argument in our marriage and eventually I knew that if I wanted financial freedom, I couldn't be legally bound to a man who was so ready to drop any financial goal to bail his wayward son out.[/quote] OP, wow, your post is pretty much my worst fear, that this will break us up. That DH's guilt about his first son will poison his relationship with his 2nd. We had an argument not long ago about prioritizing his baby CHILD over his grown adult child...basically DSS asked (actually ASKED this, can you imagine?!?) whether the new baby would mean that he wouldn't get all of his dadMs life insurance. Seriously. So DH says yes, it would be split between you, wife, and baby equally. After he left, I was livid - first of all, that wasn't what we agreed to when we married and bought our house. We agreed we'd be each other's sole beneficiary with the stipulation that is pay for DSS's education if DH died. I was like, wait, you have an INFANT who can't support himself for 18 more years. Why would your adult son get the same amount as a completely dependent infant? And DH said he knew it was wrong but he worried his older son would hate his baby brother if the baby "got more money". I'm like, if you died, it's not like the BABY would buy a new car and take himself to Disney World! That would pay for diapers, food, mortgage, etc! Anyway, he said he didn't actually change the beneficiary but now my trust is eroding to the point where I wonder if he did![/quote]
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