Reply to If I show up at an event on my ex’s parenting time

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex used to do this all the time with my son’s after school inter-mural games. I had a rigid schedule and commute that prevented me from getting there, but my ex had a more flexible schedule, so he would go and offer to take my son for ice cream after, leaving me to be the bad guy who misses the game but arrives in time to say “no ice cream, we need to get home for homework.”

Just another AH move from an all around AH.[/quote]

Without the ice cream would you have objected?[/quote]

Of course not - that’s the point of the manipulation. If I object, it’s “sorry, buddy, your mom doesn’t want to let me see you play even though she can’t be there.”

DS is older now and we’ve talked about it and he certainly sees it in a different light (consistent with his father’s other manipulative behaviors). But at the time, it was rough.[/quote]

Isn't it true that you don't want him to see the kid play, even though you can't be there?

I get how the asking the kid to go out for ice cream, when it takes away from your time with him and your priorities for him, is manipulative.  I don't get how watching him play is.  I'd like to understand, because I'd like to understand where my ex is coming from.  [/quote]

Mom could flex her day or use leave if its something important but she choose not to go.  That's not unreasonable for dad to go and take the kid for ice cream.  If mom has more custody, even more of a reason for dad to try to see kid every chase he gets.

That's not manipulative, that's just being a decent parent.[/quote]

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