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Reply to "What does acting gracefully mean to you?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I still just don't get this discussion. I see how, if you're locked in a struggle for survival after your plane goes down on a desert island, and you offer your last sip of clean water to a sick child, there's a certain dignity in that. I don't see why it's especially "graceful" to stand by your man if he has betrayed you. You don't need to make public statements about his assholery (though I don't have a problem with this, myself, especially if public opinion has some kind of power to enforce accountability), but I don't see any virtue in actively pretending he has done nothing wrong. [/quote] The first situation, the plane crash one, that does not exhibit grace. That exhibits selflessness. In the second situation, grace would not necessarily mean standing by the man who betrayed you. It means not going around blabbing and bitching about it to everyone who will listen. It means moving on stoically with respect for your children, if you have them, by not spreading around the details of your husband's failure as a man and/or husband. You don't have to deny that anything was wrong or stand by him to be graceful. But if someone I knew was cheated on and she comported herself as if she was above it all, and putting on a good poker face for her kids, and refusing to get down and dirty by putting her marriage on blast to the public, or being petty for the sake of being petty, I would consider THAT graceful. [/quote] Maybe husbands would behave better if they knew their failures as men were as up for public scrutiny as their wives' "manners" apparently are. Just be sure you're not asking women to behave with more "grace" than men. What's a masculine "grace"? All the examples have been of women keeping their troubles to themselves, bless their little gracious hearts.[/quote] I'm that PP- I wouldn't suggest keeping it to yourself from everyone. Your sister, mom, totally fine. Your neighbors and coworkers? Do not need to know that you are divorcing because your husband was caught fucking a 21 year old secretary at work and when he was supposed to be out of town on business he was in Miami with her. Or whatever. Launching into the bitter victimized hag routine - bashing the husband, bashing the mistress, issuing warnings and edicts to other women- is what makes someone look graceless; admitting you're divorcing and it's difficult but you'll get through just fine, thanks for the concern, is graceful. [/quote]
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