Reply to Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild.  My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.[/quote]

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?[/quote]

Well, the kids can't afford it.  And they can't afford for one of them to stay home.  I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out.  And of course, it has.  Mom and dad have solved the problem.  She's 27 and he's 37.  It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what?  They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.[/quote]

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did?  I figured it out.  The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this.  Seriously.[/quote]

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education.  I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage.  I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life.  I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime).  There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage.  Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.[/quote]

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.[/quote]

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.[/quote]

Really, really not. I can offer a much smoother transition for my child and there is nothing wrong with that.  [/quote]

I know someone like you. Not one of their kids is a fully independent adult. Parents pay for almost everything because they are used to their parent's lifestyle, and want it as adults. Because parents didn't want their kids to struggle like they did, the started it in the early years. And here the kids are in their 40s still dependent on mom and dad. [/quote]

Well I know over 10 kids whose parents help them (we are rich and so are many of our friends).  All of those kids, including our 3, are fully functioning adults. All are "living within their means" based on their own income as adults.  That means they can afford their rent and daily expenses.  The main difference is that these kids are fully saving for retirement and building their non-retirement investments as well and they take fancier vacations (with family and with their friends at times).  None of them are struggling to fully adult.  If they didn't have the extra funding, they would simply save less. Also all are in great jobs and getting promotions and moving up in their careers.  The extra help (if you raise your kids right) just means they know they can take more risks because they have a safety net in place and are not stressed about finances (no student loans, most got a car for college graduation). 
These kids are 22-30ish and none are "dependent on mom and dad"

[/quote]

This post has been written hundreds of times.  “Our 22 year old is making $500,000 out of college but we still gift and she saves it for retirement.”  Such bull.  [/quote]

What’s bull? That they think their kid is making 500k at 22 or that you’re mad high income earning kids still get gifts?

We make 700k combined and still get our $18k/yr gift. It allows us to put half into their college account and use the other half for a wonderful vacation or home improvement splurge.

Our parents love doing this and seeing their money provide a tangible benefit to our lives. [/quote]

It wasn’t about people in your older age group.  It’s about all the posters who claims that their children in their 20’s are all too successful to need help.

People are full of shit if they think their 25 year olds are all making salaries in the 99th% and are saving every dime their parents give them.   It’s not reality.  [b]People in their 20s are spending the money giving to them by parents or grandparents.[/b]  I know from experience and just common sense.

My oldest is in NYC and has her own apartment after living in a dorm. She’ll never have to pay her own household expenses and it’s not about a yearly gift.  It’s about money in a trust and there are plenty of young people living that way.    And plenty who receive money from parents have low income jobs.   
[/quote]

That's probably the point of the gift. DH and I are discussing helping our parents out in the future so they can have a nice retirement, and we're worried they would just save the money rather than go on a nice trip.

I'm sure these other people are seeing their children use their gifts the way they were intended to be used, or they would stop giving them those gifts.

FWIW, any person would be proud of their child making top 1% of income from a non-family business. Why wouldn't they lavish their successful child with gifts if they could?[/quote]

It’s people who make stuff up that makes the OP so insecure.   One poster claimed that all the kids in their 20s that she knew were making salaries in the 1% range and are saving the money their parents give them for retirement.    If people were honest it would make for a better conversation.

Plenty of us are proud of our kids who are doing better than expected and are proud no matter what their salary is. But when everyone  claims they don’t need the money their parents give them that’s not true. 
[/quote]

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