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Reply to "I Just Don't Care Much for My Sister"
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[quote=Anonymous]I am your sister, except we lost our dad (I was 6, my sister was 3). I was a very angry kid, had a lot of therapy, and went through the grieving process as a kid. As a result, as an adult, I feel like I dealt with my loss in a healthy way and was able to move forward with my life. However, I am also a naturally shy, introverted, "cooler" person that my sister. I am also a very happy adult. I have a successful career, a very good marriage, and children I adore. I have always followed the expected path (graduate degree, husband, mortgage, etc.). My sister is passionate, hot-blooded, and very sensitive. She has had a hard time adjusting to adulthood and has yet to find a career she feels passionate enough about to stay in for more than a year. Becuase she was so young when my father died, she does not remember him and never went through a grieving process. As a result, as an adult, she constantly feels the loss and is actively jealous of both my memories of our father and my ability to be "over" his death. She also has a very difficult time forming relationships, and often seeks out much older men for romantic relationships. l admit that much of the way I dealt with the loss when we were kids was to shut my sister out - I was so busy dealing with my experience and my grief that I was not there for her/as supportive of her as she would like. As PP said, I developed a toughness to deal with the loss. She says that I was a terrible sister and that she feels like no one loves her. All of this would of course be different, according to her, if our father were still alive. So, long story short - the love I feel for my sister is incredibly strong, but I don't like her much. I am especially sick of her wishing I was someone different and complaining that I am "tough and mean." I cannot change who I am or what happened to us any more than she can. We don't have much of a relationship, which I find very sad. So, OP. I really, truly feel for you. My heart goes out to the little girl who lost her mother and the adult who is having a hard time feeling loved by her sister. Please make sure that you are seeking professional therapy* and try to see things from your sister's perspective before you blow her off. *I have often heard from professionals who work with children that one of the very worst things that can happen to a child is to lose a parent before the child is old enough to have memories of the parent - because the child is then not old enough/doesn't have the tools to go through the grieving process. These children have tremendous difficulty processing their loss, which creates emotional issues that follow them into adulthood.[/quote]
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