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Reply to "The Program" Cons, Cults and Kidnapping"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven't seen the program and obviously some really horrific things that happened at some of these residential facilities but what options does a parent have when their child is completely out of control? The film makers states in an interview she was “Drinking, smoking, sneaking out at night… typical teenager stuff,” Kubler says in the series. When she was kicked out of boarding school in 2004 during her sophomore year for having alcohol, she assumed that her father would come pick her up." Instead she was sent to an institution. I haven't seen the series but it sounds like she was out of control and the parents had no idea what else to do. I don't consider sneaking out at 15, drinking, and getting kicked out of boarding school for alcohol as a sophomore- typical teen experience. I read she was attending a boarding school - Stony Brook that now costs to board $66,000 a year. Does she ever take any responsibility for being so wild in her teen years? If she could have followed rules she could have spent her high school years in a pretty nice boarding school instead of getting sent away. [/quote] [b]These kids were not all that wild and the schools manipulated the parents.[/b][/quote] I have watched 3 episodes. I think the kids portray themselves as being in the best light. Once they are parents themselves, they will have a better understanding of how their behavior really was. So I take with a grain of salt the young woman who keeps saying "I just had a a mike's hard lemonade". I mean it's pretty clear that is the time she got caught not the only time she did it. The poor girl clearly need help and her dad and step mom made the mistake of not getting her therapy and family therapy. She was irrationally angry at her step mother for taking her mother's place which is a valid feeling for a kid but no one helped her process that. She still needs help processing all that happened and also she is at the age when she can reflect on her own behavior and comes to turn with the fact that she contributed to her situation. Not responsible for the situation but certainly a contributor. The school was terrible and parents were manipulated by the marketing for sure. It's hard to understand that parents didn't at least push for a tour of all the areas and ask for an observation and to understand the rules. [b]And yet also as a parent, I have know the relief that can come with the feelings of just getting peace at home and finally things are normal and not wanting to upset that so you just believe it is all going ok and they are going to fix it.[/b] I think it is good that these documentaries come out even if they are super well done or produced. Parents need to understand and ask questions before using programs and schools that promise they help with behavior. The school clearly attracted a certain kind of staff. I would bet that some were the kind who were bullied in school by kids and for a moment this gave them the chance to "get back" as irrational as that is. Looking up the adults now and asking why they did it is to me pointless. If you reach out and the person says yeah I feel terrible let's talk that is one thing. Again, these are all young people involved and they don't have enough life experience to know that these adults just did a job and moved on and there was just too much going on for them to spend lots of time on thinking of old jobs. The guy they talked to from marketing was at least willing to say he too was manipulated and he did point out to the school that there wasn't anything worthwhile at the school. [/quote] I don't think the kids sent there are really acknowledging how stressful it is for parent AND siblings when there is an out of control child at home. My son's best friend has an older sister who has been completely out of control since around age 13 and she is now 17 so for at least the last 4 years. The parents have spent easily in the six figures with therapists, psychiatrists, a short residential placement they are still fighting insurance to help pay for. She has spray painted the inside of her room, invited "friends" over that steal things including the mother's jewelry and the brothers's video games, left holes in walls, ditches school to hang out with friends, posts pictures on instagram of drug and alcohol use, will take off and not listen to be back home at a certain time even on school nights, yells at her parents, etc. My son was invited to spend the weekend in the mountains with the for the son's birthday. My son came home so sad that the whole time the parents had to keep appeasing the sister because she would threaten to take off if they didn't do what she said or do what she wanted to do instead of what the birthday boy wanted to do. He would just agree to anything the sister said to keep the peace. The son had a big event that his parents were looking forward to attending and the sister crashed the car the night before so it interfered with the parents attending because she was in the ER for hours into the morning. My son stopped going over to the friends house except for the two months the sister was in a residential care. He said it was the first time the family seemed really a happy together and relaxed. Last summer I took the son with us on a two week vacation. He was so surprised when I kept asking him what he wanted to do or where he wanted to eat. We explained we had already vacationed here so my two kids have already chosen to do things so we wanted him to have a really good time. He said he wasn't used to getting to decide anything. A couple of years ago we set up an extra bed in my son's room and emptied out a dresser drawer for him so he can stay at our house whenever he wants. So yeah what happened to them in these centers was awful but I don't think they are acknowledging now as adults how truly awful the situation was at home for them to get sent there. The parents wanted to keep their kids alive and probably felt they had no choice. I really think the survivors are downplaying the behaviors they were engaging in that led their parents to send them away. [/quote]
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