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Reply to "Vent: My son unintentionally shamed my brother, who then "told on me" to our parents"
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[quote=Anonymous]Like many other women who post here, I am in my 30's, married with three kids, a dog, a house, a job. I have an older brother who has none of those things and lives with our parents - my dad still works and mom works part time. It's not really clear WHY my brother doesn't work, or hasn't moved out of my parents' home. I moved out for college and never went back. He spent 6.5 years attempting college and never graduated but sure partied a lot, complete with DUI's and academic probation at least twice that I know about. I kind of pulled away to do my own thing. Every two or three months my brother will come over for dinner, sleep here, have brunch, then go back to our childhood home. DS7 asked this morning what he does, when my brother said something about being exhausted. They started having a conversation about jobs and career, and DS got frustrated with not understanding why my brother doesn't work. After about 90 seconds (at most) I put a stop to it and we moved on. Eventually my brother went home but I just got a call from my father for allowing DS to shame my brother and nobody should be giving him a hard time. This has gone on so long that I no longer engage in arguments about why they're wrong for supporting my brother's inertia and lack of drive, but my father tried to insist DS and I owe my brother an apology. Absolutely not. Dad put my mom on the phone to talk me into it. She said my brother felt shamed and judged and his feelings are hurt. I pointed out that if a 42 year old man feels shame about never having held a job for more than a week, then that's his issue to sort out. The enabling is off the charts here. I won't even get into how much they coddled him as the first born and a son, and I started saving for college at 14 with babysitting and after school jobs and worked all through college. How my brother has never paid my parents rent or any of their bills or helped with groceries or cleaned their house or done his OWN laundry. If he takes out the trash it's such an exciting moment that it gets talked about. I love my parents. They're good, kind people who work hard. But they gave me an example of how NOT to raise a son. [/quote]
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