I can't seem to find other moms who want to go out and have fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't we see this thread before? It was worded almost exactly like this.

I think so. I have total déjà vu.

Yes, there was more than one similar thread a few (several?) months ago.

[Anonymous]

You've already completely exhausted and exasperated me just in reading this thread. That's probably how people feel about you in life, too. You talk too much, you to everyone every thought in your head, you try too hard. Relax.

[Anonymous]

Here you go, OP. There were four threads started on the same subject last summer. If you're not the OP of these previous threads, maybe can at least find some helpful advice in them:

Mom's Night Out Threads
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/405204.page

[Anonymous]

Think back to some of your recent conversations/outings with friends:
- did you get super drunk and make others uncomfortable
- do tell others how to parent or the best methods of parenting
- do you know everything about a subject
- do you actually listen to your friends
- do you complain too much
- do you talk politics and/or religion or any other super sticky subject (vaccines/foods/exercise)

[Anonymous]

First, I am positive that we have read this before. Both before and after OP had the kid. There is no way that there are multiple people on DCUM with this same issue -- and if there are, you both need to find each other and hang out.

I work full time, as does my husband, and frankly, I don't like going out that much. I'd prefer to hang out at home and read, or watch tv or whatever. Maybe I'm too introverted, but the amount of going out that you're talking about seems totally impossible for people older than college-age.

And because I work, I want to spend the time that I have with my kid and my husband. Going out with new potential friends isn't high on that priority list.

But, I've made a lot of friends through my son's preschool. Have you looked into getting your son into a part-day preschool?

[Anonymous]

how about finding friends who aren't moms? my single, childless friends are the best nightlife friends

-single mom who still goes out

[Anonymous]

There's a mom I've met several times, & I can tell she's interested in being friends, but every single time we've met, she's said something that offended me. (For example, I'm an adoptive mom -- she's not -- and the first time we met she started going on about how awful birth moms can be. I'm pretty sure she was saying it thinking I would appreciate it, but it really put me off.)

I don't think you are her, OP, but I think in some way you're probably like her. I think you're so focused on what you think YOU need to do to make friends, that you are not actually paying attention to other people's cues, listening to them, and picking up on whether they are interested in you as a friend or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also wanted to add that I mainly try to make friends with other newcomers to the area, like myself. I find that usually they are more interested in making friends, and have room in their lives for friends, whereas locals usually have strong social circles already.

However, even trying to make friends with newcomers doesn't work for me as much as I'd like. Recently I tried to make friends with 2 moms in a meetup group I'm a member of, who just moved to the area a month ago, and neither were interested (I invited them to the park with my child and they ignored the invitation).

Basically, I invite moms to do things all the time, and most of the time I am ignored. I don't know why this always happens to me. I'm just not someone who seems like a good potential friend I guess. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong to turn people off so many times. I have made a few friends in the last year, so I know it's not because everyone dislikes me, but I need more friends and I have always found it very hard to make friends (after college. It was easy to make friends in college/grad school).

People just seem to take a disliking to me, I guess. It makes me sad. I'm a nice person, a good mom, a good wife, drama free, a good conversationalist, genuinely interested in others, and just enjoy going out and having fun. Would love to make more friends to go out and have fun times together.

Ok, here's my story. I moved here three years ago and am in a similar predicament. I work three days a week but really have not met many people through work. I have tried so damn hard to meet people. I have extended invitations, gone to kid events in the neighborhood, struck up conversations, enrolled in classes etc.. I too, have felt desperate. So here's the good news. Eventually I did meet a couple friends who I clicked with and we have a good friendship. The bad news- one already moved away. I am always trying to look for new people to hang out with. Let me tell you something else. I have lately felt that it may be me vs my neighborhood. And maybe you are wondering that too? I think I can be a weird chick and I'm not white and I'm a little chubby. My neighborhood definitely sees the outer you many times.
Lastly. If you post something on the playgroup section I'll respond and join you in your quest. I live in DC but don't mind driving.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all your comments! My husband and I were discussing this issue recently. He offered another perspective. He agreed that it is important for me to have some adult conversation and socialize with other moms/ladies at least once a week, since many days it's just me and my child (and my child doesn't talk) for 14 hours or more a day, so some days I don't end up talking to another adult all day.

But he was saying that when I want to find other people to join me for a ladies only dinner or brunch on a weeknight or weekend, I'm "competing" with a bunch of other things for their limited free time. Such as them having family/friends in town, them traveling to see family/friends, being on vacation, spending time with neighbors, friends, co-workers, and spending time on hobbies, exercise, and watching TV shows.

He pointed out that other than work (or stay at home parenting), in the evenings or in small periods of free time on the weekends, most people's schedules are packed with these other interests/commitments, especially visiting family/friends and having family/friends in town to visit them.

But he pointed out that we have none of these things which I listed above, which is why our schedules are always wide open, why we never have weekend plans, and we're always searching for people to do things with and things to do on weeknights/weekends. We don't have local family and family is too far away to see more than once or twice a year, we don't really have friends we keep in touch with in our hometowns, we don't have any friends in the neighborhood, we don't have co-worker friends (I stay at home, he isn't friends with any of his co-workers), we don't really have friends that we made before baby (we tried but it's very hard to make friends when you're a married couple without kids new to an area and moved here in your 30s), we don't exercise (my exercise is chasing my toddler around, stroller walks and trips to the park), we don't have hobbies, and we don't watch any TV (one mom I invited out told me she couldn't go because she didn't want to miss her TV shows that night). So he was pointing out how our lifestyle is much, much different than most people's because we are lacking in these other things. He was saying it sucks that neither of us is able to find people to do a ladies night/guys night out, and also that he doesn't think that things will get better for us. I have made a few friends in the past year, which is great and I'm definitely less lonely, but he hasn't made any friends since we moved here. We both need and want more friends.

Anyhow, I thought his perspective really made sense and wanted to share, in case anyone else is finding themselves without many friends too.

[Anonymous]

Pick a neighborhood place and email blast, saying, "Happy hour for the ladies! I'll be at _____________ at 7 pm for anyone who wants to come by."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all your comments! My husband and I were discussing this issue recently. He offered another perspective. He agreed that it is important for me to have some adult conversation and socialize with other moms/ladies at least once a week, since many days it's just me and my child (and my child doesn't talk) for 14 hours or more a day, so some days I don't end up talking to another adult all day.

But he was saying that when I want to find other people to join me for a ladies only dinner or brunch on a weeknight or weekend, I'm "competing" with a bunch of other things for their limited free time. Such as them having family/friends in town, them traveling to see family/friends, being on vacation, spending time with neighbors, friends, co-workers, and spending time on hobbies, exercise, and watching TV shows.

He pointed out that other than work (or stay at home parenting), in the evenings or in small periods of free time on the weekends, most people's schedules are packed with these other interests/commitments, especially visiting family/friends and having family/friends in town to visit them.

But he pointed out that we have none of these things which I listed above, which is why our schedules are always wide open, why we never have weekend plans, and we're always searching for people to do things with and things to do on weeknights/weekends. We don't have local family and family is too far away to see more than once or twice a year, we don't really have friends we keep in touch with in our hometowns, we don't have any friends in the neighborhood, we don't have co-worker friends (I stay at home, he isn't friends with any of his co-workers), we don't really have friends that we made before baby (we tried but it's very hard to make friends when you're a married couple without kids new to an area and moved here in your 30s), we don't exercise (my exercise is chasing my toddler around, stroller walks and trips to the park), we don't have hobbies, and we don't watch any TV (one mom I invited out told me she couldn't go because she didn't want to miss her TV shows that night). So he was pointing out how our lifestyle is much, much different than most people's because we are lacking in these other things. He was saying it sucks that neither of us is able to find people to do a ladies night/guys night out, and also that he doesn't think that things will get better for us. I have made a few friends in the past year, which is great and I'm definitely less lonely, but he hasn't made any friends since we moved here. We both need and want more friends.

Anyhow, I thought his perspective really made sense and wanted to share, in case anyone else is finding themselves without many friends too.

What are your interests? Do really just stare at a wall in the evenings? What would make you an interesting friend to others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all your comments! My husband and I were discussing this issue recently. He offered another perspective. He agreed that it is important for me to have some adult conversation and socialize with other moms/ladies at least once a week, since many days it's just me and my child (and my child doesn't talk) for 14 hours or more a day, so some days I don't end up talking to another adult all day.

But he was saying that when I want to find other people to join me for a ladies only dinner or brunch on a weeknight or weekend, I'm "competing" with a bunch of other things for their limited free time. Such as them having family/friends in town, them traveling to see family/friends, being on vacation, spending time with neighbors, friends, co-workers, and spending time on hobbies, exercise, and watching TV shows.

He pointed out that other than work (or stay at home parenting), in the evenings or in small periods of free time on the weekends, most people's schedules are packed with these other interests/commitments, especially visiting family/friends and having family/friends in town to visit them.

But he pointed out that we have none of these things which I listed above, which is why our schedules are always wide open, why we never have weekend plans, and we're always searching for people to do things with and things to do on weeknights/weekends. We don't have local family and family is too far away to see more than once or twice a year, we don't really have friends we keep in touch with in our hometowns, we don't have any friends in the neighborhood, we don't have co-worker friends (I stay at home, he isn't friends with any of his co-workers), we don't really have friends that we made before baby (we tried but it's very hard to make friends when you're a married couple without kids new to an area and moved here in your 30s), we don't exercise (my exercise is chasing my toddler around, stroller walks and trips to the park), we don't have hobbies, and we don't watch any TV (one mom I invited out told me she couldn't go because she didn't want to miss her TV shows that night). So he was pointing out how our lifestyle is much, much different than most people's because we are lacking in these other things. He was saying it sucks that neither of us is able to find people to do a ladies night/guys night out, and also that he doesn't think that things will get better for us. I have made a few friends in the past year, which is great and I'm definitely less lonely, but he hasn't made any friends since we moved here. We both need and want more friends.

Anyhow, I thought his perspective really made sense and wanted to share, in case anyone else is finding themselves without many friends too.

What are your interests? Do really just stare at a wall in the evenings? What would make you an interesting friend to others?

OP here. My interests are (in no particular order): dining out and trying new restaurants, doing fun activities in the area (like hiking, walking, festivals, fairs, day trips, etc.), renovating my house, being outdoors (walking, hiking, going to parks), socializing, and volunteering. Many of these (such as dining out and trying new restaurants, socializing, etc.) are things that I'd love to do with other mom or women friends, but I can't find people to go out with! Others of these interests don't really lend themselves to a social hobby. I used to volunteer a lot pre-baby but never made any friends that way, though I loved the volunteer work I was doing. Now I don't really have time to volunteer since I am with my toddler 24/7. Of course I don't stare at the walls in the evenings. Often after toddler's bedtime (while husband stays home) I go out and run errands, go out for dinner by myself, take a walk in a park, clean the house and do chores, etc.