is DH unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Is it mean that I teach my DC to deal with disappointments?

So, if your K cries because another kid won a prize and your kid didn't, would you run out and buy your DC a prize? Wow. That's teaching your DC ...oh what's it called... oh I know... the world revolves and caters to what you want.

But this is different. It's more like the time I realized that the function was formal, but I was wearing jeans and felt uncomfortable all day. I'm grown, so I didn't cry, but I sure would have been pissed if I was in that situation because someone else had messed up.

NP. Good analogy. I would like to think that in that scenario if I had called DH at home and been able to give sufficiently specific info on what I wanted he could have made a quick trip to bring me the appropriate outfit and jewelry. I've done something similar for him on many occasions.

If a family member or close friend of mine has an oops moment and forgets something that results in them being/feeling horribly out of place in a situation or otherwise in a bind and I reasonably can make an attempt to fix it without too much inconvenience, I'm likely to do so. This would obviously not apply if it were a child with a pattern of irresponsibility at an age where the responsibility was reasonable to expect, but this was a one time instance of a K kid and his parents all forgetting about a special occasion at school.

I don't think OP's DH was completely out of line because I think there's merit to both taking the forgotten PJs and trying to teach the kid that this was a minor thing not worth causing a fuss or a special trip. But if I were OP's DH with only the details provided in the OP I probably would have brought the PJs to the kid.

My DC feeling uncomfortable or upset because DC is the only one without something is also a teachable moment to DC - there will be many times you won't have what everyone else has, where you are the only one who is wearing brown shoes when everyone else is wearing blue shoes, etc.. It's ok to feel badly about it, but you have to learn to deal with it. You say, "I'm so sorry that we forgot. Next time, let's put it on the calendar. I know you were upset, but sometimes you won't have what all the other kids have."

DC was the only one in his class that didn't get a yearbook (this is ES). I told DC why I didn't give him the money for one. He was very upset. But he learned to deal with it.

Taking 45 min off work to make your DC feel comfortable is not reasonable, IMO. If he soiled his pants or forgot his jacket when it's 30 degrees outside, then yes, I would drive 45min out of my way to make DC more comfortable, but not because he forgot his PJs on PJ day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But there's still you leaving work because you didn't like your husband's decision as parent-on-the-spot. How much faith and trust do you have in your husband as a father?

What? Ridiculous. Husband said he wasn't going to go, does not mean that OP cannot go.

I'm guessing that the conversation went more like this:

Wife: You should bring him the pajamas.
Husband: No, he'll be fine.

Than like this:

Wife: You should bring him the pajamas.
Husband: No, but it's fine if you do.

Not OP, but sometimes, I suspect some of my DH parenting decisions have more to do with his convenience (not waking up at night, sleeping in the AM) than any serious child-rearing philosophy. So he does not really care if I do something as long as he does not have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.

+ 1miilion.

[Anonymous]

I guess what I care more about is that the reason for not bringing the PJs is disingenuous. He didn't refuse to bring them to "toughen up" his son, he didn't bring them because

(a) he things Pajama Day is unimportant (even if it's important to his child) and

(b) he doesn't want to be inconvenienced by something he thinks is unimportant and

(c) it's easier to say no to you than to the school.


Honestly, if the school had called YOUR HUSBAND, he might've actually gone to deliver the PJs. But since they called you, and you were the one to deliver the message, he was better able to say "no." Next time just say, "I'm on my way out for an important meeting. Would you mind calling my husband at home? He might be able to do something about it. Thanks!"

Seriously.

I have told my neighbors to deliver a complaint (about something my husband does) directly to my husband because it's more likely to result in changed behavior coming from them than from me.

[Anonymous]

Oh! I didn't notice that the school called OP, who was at work, rather than DH, who was at home.

That's another problem with the school. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg famously said, "This child has two parents."

[Anonymous]

Your DH was wrong and I would have been pissed too. I can just imagine your 5 year old was probably feeling so sad and left out. Yes life has a lot of hard lessons kids need to learn, but living a hard life does not make anyone a better person, I have countless examples as proof.

[Anonymous]

Well not that anyone cares but:

Your DH should've been nice and just taken the pajamas.

Your son should not have been crying to the point teachers needed to call you to fix it. This was not a huge deal. He sounds a bit spoiled.

You did NOT need to martyr yourself by driving home and doing all this so don't bring that into the argument. You did not need to, it's not like you were delivering an Epi pen to a child having an allergic reaction. If you throw that at your husband he will say what we are which is don't get mad at him because you chose to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.

This is great, sound advice. Please could you be my therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an aside I'd like to share with you all that I HATE THE SPECIAL DRESS-UP DAYS. It's a nightmare to remember, try to find the right clothes, etc.

I do agree with that as a parent. We needto remember those occasions, come up with costumes etc but my kids absolutely love going to school in pjs or a costume so I think it's worth it in the end...just seeing them so excited makes my day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But there's still you leaving work because you didn't like your husband's decision as parent-on-the-spot. How much faith and trust do you have in your husband as a father?

What? Ridiculous. Husband said he wasn't going to go, does not mean that OP cannot go.

I'm guessing that the conversation went more like this:

Wife: You should bring him the pajamas.
Husband: No, he'll be fine.

Than like this:

Wife: You should bring him the pajamas.
Husband: No, but it's fine if you do.

Not OP, but sometimes, I suspect some of my DH parenting decisions have more to do with his convenience (not waking up at night, sleeping in the AM) than any serious child-rearing philosophy. So he does not really care if I do something as long as he does not have to.

You don't say. Sounds JUST a bit like mine. (NP here.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh! I didn't notice that the school called OP, who was at work, rather than DH, who was at home.

That's another problem with the school. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg famously said, "This child has two parents."

Schools call the number that's listed first on the emergency form. I assume that was the mother's number. They were able to reach her so I don't think they needed to contact the next on the list.
See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Why in the heck did the school think this warranted a phone call? Good grief, it's one day.

2) That said, DH really could have done it, unless he had a crazy day of working from home or needed to be there for a repairman. If he can great, if not well, oh well.

3) You leaving work early and driving over an hour home? That was insane. Totally unnecessary...and on top of it it undermined the decision your DH already made. You should have let it go.

4) Since nearly all these involve not delivering the PJs, apologize to DS when he gets home and do something extra nice like have ice cream after dinner.

Done.

This is great, sound advice. Please could you be my therapist?

I will be here on DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh! I didn't notice that the school called OP, who was at work, rather than DH, who was at home.

That's another problem with the school. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg famously said, "This child has two parents."

Another example of people using one topic to make an entirely different point. Even if it's not related. PP, start your own thread about this "problem". OP was probably the primary contact. DH was probably #2. Pretty common...now move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh! I didn't notice that the school called OP, who was at work, rather than DH, who was at home.

That's another problem with the school. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg famously said, "This child has two parents."

Schools call the number that's listed first on the emergency form. I assume that was the mother's number. They were able to reach her so I don't think they needed to contact the next on the list.
See how that works?

I think that it would make sense for the number that's listed first on the emergency form to belong to the parent who is closest to the school, even if that parent is not the mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh! I didn't notice that the school called OP, who was at work, rather than DH, who was at home.

That's another problem with the school. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg famously said, "This child has two parents."

Schools call the number that's listed first on the emergency form. I assume that was the mother's number. They were able to reach her so I don't think they needed to contact the next on the list.
See how that works?

I think that it would make sense for the number that's listed first on the emergency form to belong to the parent who is closest to the school, even if that parent is not the mother.

Yes. OP should change this with the school so next time they call the father, and then when he refuses to do something, she can be upset because 'Nobody TOLD me! I would have done it!'