AITA: summer edition

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, I'd be irritated too. And I can tell you from experience that once resentment starts making its way into the marriage it's really hard to come back from. You start seeing your spouse in a different light, you start wondering what they bring to the table. I hope you're able to get him to step up because this is a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

I could never ever be married to this man. How do you respect him? Find him attractive? I just couldn't. And I know lots of dads who have the more flexible/lower stress job and do great as the primary parent. THAT is respectable and attractive. What your husband is doing is not.

[Anonymous]

I think at a minimum you need to stop getting the kids ready for daycare over summer.

If he wakes up and gets the kids ready, you will take them. But no way in hell would I do kid duty while my lazy sleeps in and gets the day off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is at home this summer, why do your kids need daycare? Have him take care of the kids, book dinner, be a SAHD. I am a middle school math teacher and never have I worked summers.

Pulling them out of daycare (which is discounted slightly for firm employees) would result in us losing our spot. The wait list is astronomical. So we could just not send them and pay for their spot, but that seems like a waste of $$$.

Wow.
I could see the idea of sending them if spouse did have a summer job—but you’re going to staff out raising your kids even in the summertime when one of you is home all day?
I understand the policy that requires you to pay to keep the slot.
I don’t understand sending your kids ti daycare when they could stay in their own home and spend time with the parent who is home. That’s crazy.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP is clearly a man, probably a Fed (they have cheap daycare & long waitlists) and his wife is the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly a man, probably a Fed (they have cheap daycare & long waitlists) and his wife is the teacher.

Seems very unlikely that a wife is going on two solo trips this summer without her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly a man, probably a Fed (they have cheap daycare & long waitlists) and his wife is the teacher.

Seems very unlikely that a wife is going on two solo trips this summer without her kids.

Really?

One trip to see aging parents (or even her own grandmother) + another Girls Trip.

In our social circles, it’s often the wives taking solo trips for leisure (since the dads travel solo for business).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how tight your finances actually are, I'm going to vote YTA. If you really genuinely need the money to put food on the table, this might be different.

The daycare is in your building, so taking them to and from daycare isn't actually significantly more work than your normal commute. This also, significantly, doesn't change whether or not your spouse takes on tutoring hours, you're doing it either way. The makes this feel like resentment more than anything else. Your spouse gets a summer off, and you don't. Resentment is AH behavior and not a fair basis for making demands of a partner.

Sitting on your a$$ expecting your spouse to make the money and handle the childcare is more of an AH behavior.

NP. Why are some here assuming the teacher spouse will be "sitting on [his/her] a$$"? We dont know that. Maybe spouse has plans, just not plans to do as OP insists.

If OP asked the summer job question in the same tone as he/she wrote the initial post--whining to demand the spouse work--then OP ITA and needs to communicate with spouse like a partner, not a boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:seems like typical school teacher behavior. familiar narrative about teachers doing sooo much and being sooo tired and spending all of their time off during the summers pouring their heart and soul into the children and stocking their classrooms with their own money! All nonsense of course, the majority are like this guy. What a catch!

The majority? So you know this, how? Show us the study saying this, based on a reputable source. We'll wait.

Oh, this is just your jaundiced opinion!

Hope you feel this way when your kid's school is understaffed because teachers are leaving due to unsupportive, demanding parents like you. -- Not a teacher but actually know some, which I doubt you do.

[Anonymous]

If he won't work, he better be taking on household things to make your life easier. DH works 3 days a week. DS is in school so during his days off he does household chores and all that. Means a good percentage of our nights and weekends can be spent doing other things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given your added info about dipping into emergency funds during the year, I can see where I, in your shoes, would be a bit upset that DH did not decide, on his own, to take on some tutoring (at a minimum!) to help replenish your rainy day fund. A central office summer job might further burn him out, be too restrictive of his time, and impact the upcoming school. Don't many of us sometimes wish for a 9-month job to reset ourselves during the summer...then again most of us don't teach. As a household team, it should not be all or nothing. Your DH doing nothing all summer to contribute to the household finances, would in my mind make HTA.

Where do you live that the school year is 9 months/summer break is 3 months? In FCPS this past school year, teachers' first day was August 14 and last day for teachers will be June 18. That's 10 months by my count and that is similar to what every teacher/every school district I've heard of is like.

Teachers have 76 days off a year. The DH can work half of those and still have more vacation than every other professional. He needs to stop whining.
104 weekend days
185 school days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your teacher wife can spend the summer tutoring you in the proper use of singular and plural pronouns when describing her. Your post is very hard to read. Really, there is just one of her.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who read the OP as the husband and it was his wife who was the teacher. I wonder if people’s reactions would have been different had they made that assumption. My guess is that’s why OP didn’t reveal the gender.

DP but gender is irrelevant to how I view the situation.

I have female friends who are teachers and they are busy over the summer with their own school aged kids (most of them maybe do 1-2 weeks of camp b/c their kids want to go), but otherwise they are active in taking their kids to do fun stuff, and in down time they catch up on random home projects. I have a friend who has been waiting for summer to do a major home purge/declutter and some other projects.

If a woman teacher without any childcare responsibilities was lounging poolside and taking solo trips all summer while her working DH was taking on all the regular kid/house loads, I would think that person isn’t a very good family team player.

My answer wouldn't change regardless of the gender of the spouses, but I'm curious if people wouldn't come down as hard on a female teacher wanting a break during the summer because of the internalized notion that she must be doing more for her own family during the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly a man, probably a Fed (they have cheap daycare & long waitlists) and his wife is the teacher.

I thought so as well. I love how people are dumping on the husband when it’s clearly the wife/mom that is lounging by the pool all summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly a man, probably a Fed (they have cheap daycare & long waitlists) and his wife is the teacher.

I thought so as well. I love how people are dumping on the husband when it’s clearly the wife/mom that is lounging by the pool all summer.

Oh please. Every female teacher I know, and I know many, have the kids full time in the summer (at pool, swim team, camps, activities, visits to grandparents, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given your added info about dipping into emergency funds during the year, I can see where I, in your shoes, would be a bit upset that DH did not decide, on his own, to take on some tutoring (at a minimum!) to help replenish your rainy day fund. A central office summer job might further burn him out, be too restrictive of his time, and impact the upcoming school. Don't many of us sometimes wish for a 9-month job to reset ourselves during the summer...then again most of us don't teach. As a household team, it should not be all or nothing. Your DH doing nothing all summer to contribute to the household finances, would in my mind make HTA.

Where do you live that the school year is 9 months/summer break is 3 months? In FCPS this past school year, teachers' first day was August 14 and last day for teachers will be June 18. That's 10 months by my count and that is similar to what every teacher/every school district I've heard of is like.

Teachers have 76 days off a year. The DH can work half of those and still have more vacation than every other professional. He needs to stop whining.
104 weekend days
185 school days

Great. That changes exactly nothing of what i said. School is in session 10 months; summer break is 2 months. Annoying when ppl exaggerate. That’s it. Yeah, OP’s DH should get a summer job. I never said he shouldn’t.