Yea I am super confused about how non-ultra-rich big families pay for college too. I would actually love a big family myself but I don't see how we can afford more than three in terms of college savings. We are not poor and I am all for sending my kid to a state school--I don't mean private school or out-of-state tuition. I think we could make everything else work but college just doesn't add up. Would love to hear from some of the larger-family posters here how you make it work. |
Very smart post |
so much of what you wrote resonated with me. it’s truly not something that ever gets discussed! I don’t think I’ve ever really met another one of us in person. |
um, no daycare obv. mom stays at home. kids go to catholic school with a steep sibling discount. no activities, vacations, or extras. |
they don’t pay for college - that’s the plan. |
We have four. The article was self promoting and a bit fluffy. At least package in a few retractions Timmy.
College Savings - warfare. We are not funding education we are starting a revolution. It will take $450k at least to fight this cause. How do we do that? $80k by 4th birthday. Then plowing ahead consistently. This is non negotiable. If they don’t use all of the $450k then it becomes an “educational trust” so to speak for their kids - theoretically- in 30+ years. Daycare - again warfare. I see the costs as mere insurance payments in the sea of sanity. You’ll take my child and regulate him for 8HRs!? Here - take the money! Vehicles - my armored division is our minivans. We had 3 at one point. Now down to 2 and a large SUV. But the minivan makes anything possible. Household - we have a gigantic house in a close in neighborhood because we could afford it. Kids all have their own rooms. Yard has a fence. Cleaners come weekly because it feels great to be clean. Lawn care and maintenance and most everything else is all outsourced to open up time for kids. Activities - I don’t understand how people don’t do sports. Or things. Like - what do you do? Sit around all day? The challenge is stacking/splitting up during activities (multiple minivans). But it works. I’m a big proponent of Scouts, of competitive play and of skill development. So we’ll try to keep up the pace and as always, ill let DCUM know how I’m doing. |
+1. To all of this. |
Yep. -eldest daughter in big family https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/15/well/family/birth-order-siblings.html |
If he’s dead wrong on abortion, he is a bad guy by definition |
Which is probably because most parents who have tons of kids aren’t that smart. |
+1 It’s funny to read this pair because my mom was the oldest of 4 and had a mom who had a really successful career, which came at the expense of my mom taking on a heavy load of raising her 3 younger siblings. I imagine it is great for the parents to have a built in babysitter so you can have a fire career and lounge in bed on Saturday mornings while your tween changes diapers. Instead I stopped at 3 because that is the number I can parent in the manner in which I want to parent, which does not rely upon any of them acting as a caregiver to one another. I am very happy with my family and 3 feels like the perfect number for us. Maybe the mom of 5 is “happier” like she claims, but she is also smugger and downplaying the effects of a 12 year old (who was presumably in school M-F) spending their weekend morning taking care of a baby instead of meeting up with friends, heading to a soccer game, relaxing in front of their own cartoons, reading in bed, etc. |
I'm one of four kids raised in a Catholic family from very educated parents. My parents put other parents today in shame. And no, my older siblings did not raise me. We were all close in age.
The difference is that we all worked together. My brothers mowed the lawn and my sisters and I made dinner. We all had chores. Of course this all seems silly now with electronics. I'm so glad I grew up when we did. |
I am from a big family too and feel the same way you do (that I just want to be loved and seen and known and understood bc I never was as a child). I have low self esteem also and never ask for help due to being a kid who needed to be ok and have no needs. |
I have 2 of the same gender close in age and then a large age gap followed by a child of the opposite gender. My older 2 play together and are close due to age/interest similarities. And the baby of the family is so much younger and into her own things that we just don’t get the 2:1 dynamics some posters are talking about. I could see how 3 close together could lead to infighting, but I think 3 with a gap is great. I know several other families with a similar breakdown who are really happy with it. |
Eldest daughter of five kids here chiming in to agree this poster is delusional. I stopped at 2 kids for a reason. I love my parents but they definitely were not able to give me the attention I needed. |