How to ask Nanny if she'd be willing to go part time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

So let her go and use daycare. You don’t make enough to comfortably afford a nanny but that’s not her problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your boss came to you and said, we are cutting your hours more than 50% but I’ll try to find you some extra hours to help bridge the difference what would your reaction be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think I’m just going to keep her full time til my due date. Then let her go. I still feel bad she will be sitting around doing nothing all day, but at least I’ll still be working so I can justify the help she will offer me in the afternoon, which I will need.

I still think this reaction is crazy, though. Families grow up. I can’t imagine it’s not a common occurrence for a family to need a nanny to drop down to part time. Meanwhile there must be a lot of stay at home moms (or moms who work part time) with babies not in school yet who would like to have a nanny in the mornings only. I don’t know why that’s so shocking of an idea to propose a type of nanny share where one nanny splits time between two families. But I guess it is. News to me.

It’s news to you that someone who is capable of working full time … would want to get paid for working full-time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your boss came to you and said, we are cutting your hours more than 50% but I’ll try to find you some extra hours to help bridge the difference what would your reaction be?

they can get a other job with the vacant hours, Uber, Uber eats etc. or another part time nanny job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think I’m just going to keep her full time til my due date. Then let her go. I still feel bad she will be sitting around doing nothing all day, but at least I’ll still be working so I can justify the help she will offer me in the afternoon, which I will need.

I still think this reaction is crazy, though. Families grow up. I can’t imagine it’s not a common occurrence for a family to need a nanny to drop down to part time. Meanwhile there must be a lot of stay at home moms (or moms who work part time) with babies not in school yet who would like to have a nanny in the mornings only. I don’t know why that’s so shocking of an idea to propose a type of nanny share where one nanny splits time between two families. But I guess it is. News to me.

I think there is definitely a conversation to be had around how to unwind and change our relationships with Nannies as our families grow and change (especially if you’re not a super rich family who can just keep a nanny indefinitely without truly NEEDING them). I am going through this myself. We’ve had the same nanny for 5 years and I recently lost my job. We can’t afford her but she’s like a second mother to our 5 year old. But also, he’s going to kindergarten in the fall so we all knew changes would be happening. It’s hard to balance all the needs and priorities. We want to respect that our nanny must make a living, and if we can’t pay her for that then she’s got to be free to find other work. At the same time, she’s an essential part of our child’s life and we cannot just end our relationship with her without causing great sorrow to her and our child.

All that being said, the tone of your post just feels very focused on you and yourself and your schedule and your needs. I think that is a red flag to me that you may not be thinking through this in the loving and collaborative way that you should be if you’re keeping your Nanny’s best interest at heart.

OP’s focus on her own needs alone really struck me too. When you hire a nanny you are becoming someone’s employer. You are taking responsibility to be their source of livelihood. I suspect most people wouldn’t want to stick around if their employer suddenly wanted to cut their hours down to part time. I certainly wouldn’t have any goodwill toward my job if that happened.

I get it’s expensive and it’s not for everyone.

Also if you switch to daycare or preschool you have to pay money to hold your spot. There is more demand than supply for childcare, so you really can’t just pay when you need it and not when you don’t for childcare.

I’ve gotten to the point that I just think of it as a line item expense like our mortgage. Even if we go on vacation or our kids get sick and miss days, it’s a sunk cost. No use in fretting over hours used or not used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your boss came to you and said, we are cutting your hours more than 50% but I’ll try to find you some extra hours to help bridge the difference what would your reaction be?

they can get a other job with the vacant hours, Uber, Uber eats etc. or another part time nanny job

Or the nanny can just find a new full time job with another family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your boss came to you and said, we are cutting your hours more than 50% but I’ll try to find you some extra hours to help bridge the difference what would your reaction be?

they can get a other job with the vacant hours, Uber, Uber eats etc. or another part time nanny job

Or the nanny can just find a new full time job with another family

True, but to protect the family they can create a contract with termination clause

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your boss came to you and said, we are cutting your hours more than 50% but I’ll try to find you some extra hours to help bridge the difference what would your reaction be?

they can get a other job with the vacant hours, Uber, Uber eats etc. or another part time nanny job

Or the nanny can just find a new full time job with another family

True, but to protect the family they can create a contract with termination clause

“Protect the family?” Which family?
Protect them from what?

[Anonymous]

Still waiting to hear if OP pays benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still waiting to hear if OP pays benefits.

OF COURSE I DO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your boss came to you and said, we are cutting your hours more than 50% but I’ll try to find you some extra hours to help bridge the difference what would your reaction be?

they can get a other job with the vacant hours, Uber, Uber eats etc. or another part time nanny job

LOL. Why would an employee with in-demand skills take a DoorDash when they could just find another full time job?

OP, you apparently struggle to see anyone’s perspective but your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your boss came to you and said, we are cutting your hours more than 50% but I’ll try to find you some extra hours to help bridge the difference what would your reaction be?

they can get a other job with the vacant hours, Uber, Uber eats etc. or another part time nanny job

Good nannies will find a new job in a heartbeat. Why do they need to waste their time like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I think I’m just going to keep her full time til my due date. Then let her go. I still feel bad she will be sitting around doing nothing all day, but at least I’ll still be working so I can justify the help she will offer me in the afternoon, which I will need.

I still think this reaction is crazy, though. Families grow up. I can’t imagine it’s not a common occurrence for a family to need a nanny to drop down to part time. Meanwhile there must be a lot of stay at home moms (or moms who work part time) with babies not in school yet who would like to have a nanny in the mornings only. I don’t know why that’s so shocking of an idea to propose a type of nanny share where one nanny splits time between two families. But I guess it is. News to me.

It’s news to you that someone who is capable of working full time … would want to get paid for working full-time?

It’s completely different to propose a nanny share. A nanny I know who does this brings the baby from family 2 to do the elementary drop off and pick up for family 1 and then baby stays with them, while she keeps an eye on the older kids. I don’t know what their financial arrangement is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just to clarify, I never expect her to live on part time hours and pay. I would help her find another family who needed mornings and see if she could still come to us in the afternoon.

I hear all the comments about wanting her when the baby is here. But I typically don’t have a nanny even touch the baby the whole time I’m on mat leave. That is my bonding time with the new baby and my responsibility, being off work. The day I go back to work is the day the nanny cares for that baby for the first time. This is what I did with my second.

Part of me hopes I won’t go back to my job after my mat leave. I would love to scale back part time then too. But I just don’t know how I’ll feel then. Another reason I am hesitant to shell out $1000+ a week, even though we do love her.

I just don’t know what to do.

You are going to want the nanny to help with the other kids!

[Anonymous]

I can’t tell if OP is more self-absorbed or lacking in foresight. Either way it is a bad look that won’t end well.