How to get hoarder sibling to empty/sell elder’s home?

[Anonymous]

THaNK YOU, everyone, for helping me. I am not sure I would have taken these steps so well without you guys telling me not to put up with this situation.

I needed an outside voice like yours who is not locked in this dysfunctional family.

[Anonymous]

Praying for you, op. This is a horrible situation that you are in and you do not deserve it one bit. Some spiritual people may say, namaste as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THaNK YOU, everyone, for helping me. I am not sure I would have taken these steps so well without you guys telling me not to put up with this situation.

I needed an outside voice like yours who is not locked in this dysfunctional family.

I’m glad some progress had been made. But really, call 1 800 junk, go over there without your sister and just start cleaning massive amounts out letting the 800 junk people throw it in their truck and haul it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a daughter of a hoarder I can tell you that your relative will never ever empty the house.
In fact, he is making it more hoarded as we speak.
Make of it what you will.

+1

Same here.

And expect that when you try to address the hoarding in even a small way, you will be attacked- hoarding is a mental disorder. Tread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a daughter of a hoarder I can tell you that your relative will never ever empty the house.
In fact, he is making it more hoarded as we speak.
Make of it what you will.

+1

Same here.

And expect that when you try to address the hoarding in even a small way, you will be attacked- hoarding is a mental disorder. Tread carefully.

I hear you. I’m not seeing new junk taking up space.

However, hoarder pulls papers and books out of drawers and off shelves and spreads them all over the floor. Maybe that is their way of making the space more hoarded. They didn’t even bother cleaning that up before we had people come in.

It’s crazy we will miss out on $150,000 or so for the home’s sale price because we no longer have the time to spruce up the house due to the hoarder.

This thread is making me brave.

And thank you, PP, I tried to tread carefully and hoarder has already yelled at me. Sadly, I also yelled back, which I do not want to do.

They said I would not “let them” move because I asked them not to move one one certain day last year. There were another 300 days or so that were fine…

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I hear you. I’m not seeing new junk taking up space.

However, hoarder pulls papers and books out of drawers and off shelves and spreads them all over the floor. Maybe that is their way of making the space more hoarded. They didn’t even bother cleaning that up before we had people come in.

It’s crazy we will miss out on $150,000 or so for the home’s sale price because we no longer have the time to spruce up the house due to the hoarder.

This thread is making me brave.

And thank you, PP, I tried to tread carefully and hoarder has already yelled at me. Sadly, I also yelled back, which I do not want to do.

They said I would not “let them” move because I asked them not to move on one certain day last year. There were another 300 days or so that were fine…

OP, I'm trying to understand the situation here. You parents house is the home in question and it is full of stuff, but NOT hoarded, correct?

It is your sibling who is the hoarder? And the issue is just that the sibling is having a hard time letting go of your parents' possessions in your parents' house?

The sibling isn't bringing THEIR stuff into your parents' home, they are just not agreeing to quick removal of your parents' items? The hoarder sibling is going through each room slowly, dragging stuff out and making messes, but is not going to be able to process through everything. They are going to try to take everything out little by little and add to their current hoard in two+ more houses?

So what do you mean by the last comment - you told your sibling not to move on one day? What do you mean, to move? Who is moving? Why would your sibling need your permission to move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a daughter of a hoarder I can tell you that your relative will never ever empty the house.
In fact, he is making it more hoarded as we speak.
Make of it what you will.

+1

Same here.

And expect that when you try to address the hoarding in even a small way, you will be attacked- hoarding is a mental disorder. Tread carefully.

I hear you. I’m not seeing new junk taking up space.

However, hoarder pulls papers and books out of drawers and off shelves and spreads them all over the floor. Maybe that is their way of making the space more hoarded. They didn’t even bother cleaning that up before we had people come in.

It’s crazy we will miss out on $150,000 or so for the home’s sale price because we no longer have the time to spruce up the house due to the hoarder.

This thread is making me brave.

And thank you, PP, I tried to tread carefully and hoarder has already yelled at me. Sadly, I also yelled back, which I do not want to do.

They said I would not “let them” move because I asked them not to move one one certain day last year. There were another 300 days or so that were fine…

OP

Change the locks and full speed ahead. I know it’s exhausting but try to disregard sibling’s manipulation right now. Your mom designated you POA and your responsibility is to her. If there’s anything left specifically designated for sibling, make sure it’s set aside. Junk haul the rest.

[Anonymous]

You are being way too nice. Do they live locally? They have had PLENTY of time to get stuff out. After whatever date you told them, that’s it. And stop caring what they do with the stuff - if they want to keep a bunch of old books and trash in the middle of their living room, let them! It’s not their house, they don’t get to delay the sale.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm noticing you pointing out logic flaws in your sibling's arguments, as if they're trying to have a rational conversation with you. They're not. Stop doing that! They are just yelling out any words they can use to attempt to delay cleaning their hoard. If they could delay cleaning by telling you they were transspecies and identified as a raccoon and you were oppressing them because racoons need trash to nest in, they would do that. Filter out their antics and focus only on completing the sale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay.

Do I tell the hoarder the date for the junk haulers? If not, they will call me multiple times a day to scream at me.

And do I care at all if sibling tracks down the junk haulers to get the stuff back? They might try that.

of course, tell them the date.

No, you do not care what happens post-clean out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
However, hoarder pulls papers and books out of drawers and off shelves and spreads them all over the floor. Maybe that is their way of making the space more hoarded. They didn’t even bother cleaning that up before we had people come in.

Nope. They don't get to do that. Take what YOU want from the house. Get rid of the rest.

Block calls from your mentally ill sibling if need be. I'm really sorry. Hoarding is a mental illness, but you can't let their illness harm you mother financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a daughter of a hoarder I can tell you that your relative will never ever empty the house.
In fact, he is making it more hoarded as we speak.
Make of it what you will.

+1

Same here.

And expect that when you try to address the hoarding in even a small way, you will be attacked- hoarding is a mental disorder. Tread carefully.

I hear you. I’m not seeing new junk taking up space.

However, hoarder pulls papers and books out of drawers and off shelves and spreads them all over the floor. Maybe that is their way of making the space more hoarded. They didn’t even bother cleaning that up before we had people come in.

It’s crazy we will miss out on $150,000 or so for the home’s sale price because we no longer have the time to spruce up the house due to the hoarder.

This thread is making me brave.

And thank you, PP, I tried to tread carefully and hoarder has already yelled at me. Sadly, I also yelled back, which I do not want to do.

They said I would not “let them” move because I asked them not to move one one certain day last year. There were another 300 days or so that were fine…

OP

Change the locks and full speed ahead. I know it’s exhausting but try to disregard sibling’s manipulation right now. Your mom designated you POA and your responsibility is to her. If there’s anything left specifically designated for sibling, make sure it’s set aside. Junk haul the rest.

This. There shouldn’t be the opportunity for your sibling to be there taking tax forms, spreading papers, etc. They should have no access to the house. Get a locksmith out there tomorrow and stop delaying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a daughter of a hoarder I can tell you that your relative will never ever empty the house.
In fact, he is making it more hoarded as we speak.
Make of it what you will.

+1

Same here.

And expect that when you try to address the hoarding in even a small way, you will be attacked- hoarding is a mental disorder. Tread carefully.

I hear you. I’m not seeing new junk taking up space.

However, hoarder pulls papers and books out of drawers and off shelves and spreads them all over the floor. Maybe that is their way of making the space more hoarded. They didn’t even bother cleaning that up before we had people come in.

It’s crazy we will miss out on $150,000 or so for the home’s sale price because we no longer have the time to spruce up the house due to the hoarder.

This thread is making me brave.

And thank you, PP, I tried to tread carefully and hoarder has already yelled at me. Sadly, I also yelled back, which I do not want to do.

They said I would not “let them” move because I asked them not to move one one certain day last year. There were another 300 days or so that were fine…

OP

Change the locks and full speed ahead. I know it’s exhausting but try to disregard sibling’s manipulation right now. Your mom designated you POA and your responsibility is to her. If there’s anything left specifically designated for sibling, make sure it’s set aside. Junk haul the rest.

This. There shouldn’t be the opportunity for your sibling to be there taking tax forms, spreading papers, etc. They should have no access to the house. Get a locksmith out there tomorrow and stop delaying.

I don’t understand why hoarder sibling even factors in to this. Parent who owns house wants it sold. Sibling with POA wants it sold. Change the locks, sell the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Tell them they have until 1/31 and on 2/1 when they haven't done it, call the junk haulers.

I will have to deal with character defamation and screaming and 10 phone calls a day so I care.

OP

OP, do you have POA?

If so, once haulers come you will have to have a locksmith change the locks to prevent access.

The hoarder is seriously mentally ill, do you understand that? We can't control other people. If relatives do not understand she is mentally ill, you can't control them either. Block the number.

If you don't have POA you will need to consult a lawyer.

You need to buck up and do what is needed for the parent with dementia. They will need all the money for their care, not an extra tax bill.

[Anonymous]

OP, get a locksmith out there today.

You need to maximize the sale $ for your elderly parent.

Block the number of your sibling.

She is MENTALLY ILL, you seem not to grasp that.