How did you know you were ready for divorce?

[Anonymous]

What was it that finally let you come to terms with the fact that it was over? And, if you had kids, how did you deal with the pain of a joint custody arrangement where you would no longer see them every night? The thought of that seems too painful to bear.

[Anonymous]

I knew because we didn't have sex for five years. Even so, I waited until my youngest was turning 18. He was/is a good dad and I didn't prioritize my own happiness over my kid's life. Worked out just fine, sex is great but not the most important thing if you have kids.

I was lucky there were no deal breaker behaviors going on, not everyone is that lucky. I mean like abuse, addiction, etc. I wouldn't have waited if that were the case.

[Anonymous]

He is a good dad, but he was yelling at me all the time. I couldn’t seem to do anything right and I couldn’t make him happy anymore. I was getting dressed down in public, in front of the kids, you name it. And then my kids were picking up the behavior and my sweet children were suddenly yelling and berating each other and their friends. That’s when I decided no more. We did therapy, he went to anger management classes. But even still, I was done. He blames me entirely. He says if I could only have forgiven him we would be fine.

[Anonymous]

And re the joint custody arrangement, there is a really good thread on that on the Parenting, special concerns board. Hugs to you. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

When I knew I wouldn’t want my precious child living my marriage. I’d want her to leave that awful situation.

[Anonymous]

When I realized that the issue was a mental illness and his actions towards me were abuse and the kids were old enough.

On the bright side, got a PTSD diagnosis and did therapy 4 times a week for 2 years and he is actually a 1/2 decent human being now and not such a horrible dad.

Sometime you have to do something drastic to help a person you love.

[Anonymous]

>What was it that finally let you come to terms with the fact that it was over?

This took a long time because she had fallen in love with someone else but didn’t have the guts the end the marriage. I was too wrapped up in wanting to save the marriage to see how that just wasn’t going to happen. What bought me back to earth was seeing texts that indicated she loved someone else more than she had ever loved me along with her inability to break off the affair.

> And, if you had kids, how did you deal with the pain of a joint custody arrangement where you would no longer see them every night? The thought of that seems too painful to bear.

My youngest was 3 when we split. I didn’t have a choice but this is the hardest, particularly when the kids are crying for there mother.

With hindsight I would say if you’re done then then pull the trigger and leave. Freedom is priceless and I’m grateful because I’ve met someone else.

[Anonymous]

When I was unhappy and knew I couldn’t live that way never being able to trust my spouse ever again (after trying for a year and counseling).

[Anonymous]

When I came home and Bubba was balls deep in my wife...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I realized that the issue was a mental illness and his actions towards me were abuse and the kids were old enough.

On the bright side, got a PTSD diagnosis and did therapy 4 times a week for 2 years and he is actually a 1/2 decent human being now and not such a horrible dad.

Sometime you have to do something drastic to help a person you love.

NP but how did he get the PTSD diagnosis? What was his previous trauma and who diagnosed him, a psychologist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I came home and Bubba was balls deep in my wife...

At your house? Shameful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew because we didn't have sex for five years. Even so, I waited until my youngest was turning 18. He was/is a good dad and I didn't prioritize my own happiness over my kid's life. Worked out just fine, sex is great but not the most important thing if you have kids.

I was lucky there were no deal breaker behaviors going on, not everyone is that lucky. I mean like abuse, addiction, etc. I wouldn't have waited if that were the case.

Are you getting some action now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I came home and Bubba was balls deep in my wife...

At your house? Shameful.

I know, she could have been kind enough to get a hotel room and walked in the front door a little bow legged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew because we didn't have sex for five years. Even so, I waited until my youngest was turning 18. He was/is a good dad and I didn't prioritize my own happiness over my kid's life. Worked out just fine, sex is great but not the most important thing if you have kids.

I was lucky there were no deal breaker behaviors going on, not everyone is that lucky. I mean like abuse, addiction, etc. I wouldn't have waited if that were the case.

Are you getting some action now?

I met another guy about six months after I left, that relationship lasted three years and it was fantastic sex, pretty much daily. It was great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew because we didn't have sex for five years. Even so, I waited until my youngest was turning 18. He was/is a good dad and I didn't prioritize my own happiness over my kid's life. Worked out just fine, sex is great but not the most important thing if you have kids.

I was lucky there were no deal breaker behaviors going on, not everyone is that lucky. I mean like abuse, addiction, etc. I wouldn't have waited if that were the case.

Are you getting some action now?

I met another guy about six months after I left, that relationship lasted three years and it was fantastic sex, pretty much daily. It was great.

Why did that relationship end ? Sounds ideal