
I think OP sounds like she has control issues. And some immaturity. My advice is for her to get some help so she can be "empowered" enough to realize the difference between discipline and withholding. It's often useful to see the world through the eyes of others; this includes our children, who are human beings we shape in wasy we know and ways we can't possibly imagine. It is true that part of our responsibility is setting boundaries, but if we don't teach our kids compassion we have taught them nothing. They learn by observing us, mostly, which is something easy to forget. |
Can someone please tell me why were are arguing about differing parenting styles again?
We all have our own priorities. Why are we getting into a "mine is better than yours" discussion? I know why I choose the parenting style that I have and I really don't give a flying fuck why someone else choose's theirs. Unless someone else's bad choices fall under the category of "prosecutable", it is none of my damn business. |
Then don't read the thread. |
I posted earlier about the differences between authoritarian and authoritative parenting. Just wanted to add that research suggests children need routines but not necessarily schedules. And I would rather my child not do drugs, have sex, etc. because he knows how to make good choices rather than because he fears his parents' disapproval. |
I had total respect for my parents because I knew there were consequences for my actions. And I didn't want to disappoint them! Children today are given everything they want and demand. OBVIOUSLY this topic has hit home with too many here because everyone is so defensive. I wasn't beaten or abused but sure knew who was boss. |
You sound rather defensive too. |
I agree- you keep asking us about schedules, etc. It is nice to talk to others about these things when you are a new mommy. |
I completely understand the point the Op is making. I wouldn't withhold love notes but saying no and expecting manners is not an eggshell thing. Kids do need to respect their parents. It's amazing how some parents allow their kids to talk to them. If you dont discipline your child will resent that as well. THey want boundaries and they will still no you love them. Anyone can have Op's household and not be a tyrant. The Op has been treated unfairly. If you are consitent on boundaries when their preschoolers it will be molded into them when their older. If anyone thinks that they would rather have an unruly household than a child that is behaved than they don't understand what the child really needs. They desire love, nurturing and yes, discipline. |
Your making a mistake if you don't think No at this age works. Say no, follow through and be consistent. Don't make empty threats. And age 3 will be easier if your stronger now. Be strong parents. |
This is one of the best quotes ever on this site. I think you understand what it is all about. And I guarantee that all the people that disagree completely with what the Op was saying probably have the most unruly households. You will have an easier time because you understand that discipline is important as any other ingredient and to not discipline is actually a terrible way to raise children. THey need it. |
excellent post. Your absolutely right. |
Not defensive at all. Children want their parents to be boss. I totally agree. |
I know OP wrote this a while back and the thread has been going on- but OP- you come from the hard knocks school obviously- and that may work for some things- but not others.. overall, being barked at what to do and no tolerance sends a growing baby/toddler a signal that adults are rulers- yes- so you succeeded! they will eventually succumb that what you ask and stop fightiing.. but they may do that with everything- just thinking their feelings are not valid- that opens ups a HUGE problem for the future- and I guess I personally opt to let them have opinions and I try to help them understand why- rather than have that zero tolerance and they blindly accept an adult's "order" are what they should follow- can even be hitting or (please no) abuse, rape etc... To each their own- but I'd rather give my children a voice but not let them be bratty- so far so good! |
The previous poster completely misses the point completely. It is not the school of hard knocks to expect respect from your children. You can give them a voice at appropriate times but there are non negotiable things such as sleeping in their own room, etc. YOu can expect your kids to do what you ask and never have to raise your voice. Just let them know your serious with a tone. THe Op is exactly right that parents are almost afraid to take a leadership role and understant PP that your kids want a leader in the household. If you think they want to walk all over mom and dad they don't. You make the OP to sound like a monster and she is definately not. She gets it. Children should have an opinion but there are rules that need to be followed and not everything should be an argument with your 2 year old. If you don't understand this PP your in for a longer road ahead. |
I'm the mother-I make the decisions. There might be room for discussion or negotiations-and opinions-but I know best ![]() I love on him all the time-I would never withhold love from my child but I will withhold everything else! The one thing my son can always count on is our love for him. I ignored the head banging and it stopped. It's not hurting me, and he'll learn eventually that it HURTS to bang your head against the stove! I ignore whining-which gets under my skin. Our next door neighbors commented how hard they tried to be their children's friend and parents at the same time-one has sex with his girlfriend in the next room, another loves high school because of the social life, another is at a special school and has been held back 3 times (he's totally normal-hates school). My guess is that they walk all over their parents, and feel they can do whatever they please. The parents didn't give their children structure or guidance. It's always a party over there-the fun house. Not a good idea to have little to no discipline or structure. |