Are you jealous of your friend who has a "better life?" Nanny, big house, great hubby & fancy car?

[Anonymous]

There are people out there who are envious of you too, even if you don't know it. Think of all the WOHMs who would like to trade places.

[Anonymous]

I might be your friend. I have recently had two people say to me that I make it look 'easy'. I have money, a new car, a great nanny. BUT my marriage is in shambles, I'm exhausted, I constantly feel guilty, and my life is a house of cards. But apparently, it seems like I have it all together.

and, honestly, I'm not trying to appear that way. I guess I'm just so in the weeds of it all that I dont even know where to start with my complaints/insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Everybody has troubles.

I started to post some but felt guilty for airing, even anonymously, but for people who make it look easy, rest assured, it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I admit, I do get envious. Particularly since I know a lot of folks who seem to have it all (college friend who is a major hedge fund manager and married to another one, they make like 10-20 million a year!!!, others who are just normal very wealthy). If I focused on it, it would eat at me--especially if I focused on all the people I decided didn't 'deserve' all they had.

but you know what? I look around this city, this world, and realize that I am better off than 98 percent of the folks around me. I have decent health,more or less intact family, roof over my head, job and health insurance, not worried about paying for food, medication or other basics, my kids are good, my family has not been damaged by violence or drugs, I have a pretty good chance of growing old and seeing my kids grow up. These are the kinds of worries that do not even cross the mind of most of my peers, and most of the time I take it for granted. But my older kid just started a school with a high FARMS rate and I meet families who have so much less.

so, when I feel the green eyed monster, I deliberately make myself think about how completely random the world is, and how lucky I am.

[Anonymous]

Comparison is the death the happiness.

Say this every morning when you wake up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this thread made me realize that I wouldn't want any of my friends' lives over mine, which is a nice thought.

We don't have the life any of you are talking about -- we live in a small house, we don't have or want kids. But we have enough money to outsource the lawn-mowing and house-cleaning, and we usually go out to dinner. Basically, we have no stress -- because we planned it that way (no kids, easy jobs, low material expectations). Many (most?) people wouldn't want my life and wouldn't find it enriching or fulfilling enough, but it's perfect for me.

But considering so many of the complaints on this thread stem from kids, I do wonder why nearly everyone chooses to have them. Presumably, they're worth the stress to most people.

I think you are projecting b/c I don't think the complaints expressed here are about kids. They're about not having enough money to have it all -- kids, travel, big house. In fact, tonight I've read a few posts (not just on here) about "i'm fortunate enough to be able to have another baby."

So I get the impression it isn't having kids people are complaining about. It's not having enough money to live the life they want, which includes kids.

And not everyone chooses to have them. I think a lot of people find them worth the effort. This thread is about being jealous about other people having lots of money and a cushy life. I think you were looking for one of the many childless by choice threads.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM mom too but I don't have a weekly cleaning lady, my husband travels, can't take girls weekends, nor do we go out to eat frequently. I am greatful for my life and family but sometimes I can't help myself. My girlfriend doesn't boast in my face but shares info like all friends do. I do my best, usually smile but inside I am so envious.

We grew up together so it would be hard to space our friendship plus she is a good friend. I am just venting. Thanks for letting me get it out!

No one has it all easy. Rich people have problems to, often worse than ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this thread made me realize that I wouldn't want any of my friends' lives over mine, which is a nice thought.

We don't have the life any of you are talking about -- we live in a small house, we don't have or want kids. But we have enough money to outsource the lawn-mowing and house-cleaning, and we usually go out to dinner. Basically, we have no stress -- because we planned it that way (no kids, easy jobs, low material expectations). Many (most?) people wouldn't want my life and wouldn't find it enriching or fulfilling enough, but it's perfect for me.

But considering so many of the complaints on this thread stem from kids, I do wonder why nearly everyone chooses to have them. Presumably, they're worth the stress to most people.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. It seems you go out of your way to emphasize how much you like your life compared to your friends' lives. This thread is about honesty. So you've never wanted something you don't have?

Most of the people I know who say things like you have said above spend an inordinate amount of time picking apart and criticizing their friends' lives in order to tell themselves they like their own lives better. That is why you say it's a "nice thought."

And if you have spent any time comparing your life to your friends' lives, then it means you aren't as satisfied and content as you claim. The truly content and satisfied people I know are the ones who don't compare their lives to their friends' lives at all. They have no need or it doesn't even occur to them to even play those mental games. And of course, they're in the minority.

Personally, no, I don't think I'd want to switch lives entirely with anyone I know, friends, acquaintances and otherwise. But that doesn't mean that I don't envy certain things -- a shorter commute, a bigger financial safety cushion, et cetera. But just because I might envy others for certain things doesn't mean I'd want to switch lives with any of those others or that I don't like my life. I'm just honest.

The question I would ask you, PP, is given you are so content with your life, would you turn it down if you suddenly won a large amount of money that had no strings attached? My guess is no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand this theory at all. Who has the time to wonder about what others have?

And WHY (oh, why) would you wish "bad" or "worse" or "ill" on anyone? At all? Ever?

So what if they DON'T have it worse than you? Or have their own troubles? WTF do you CARE? What if their life is absolutely perfect? What are you going to do about it? Do you think ANYTHING that little old you does to them will have any kind of effect on them? Ever?

Here is how much they think about you: Not. At. All. Is this the part that bothers you so much?

I thought people here were supposed to be smart. Wow.

I think people like to think other people have it bad or have skeletons or undesirable thing b/c those people are, more than anything else, unfulfilled with their own lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM mom too but I don't have a weekly cleaning lady, my husband travels, can't take girls weekends, nor do we go out to eat frequently. I am greatful for my life and family but sometimes I can't help myself. My girlfriend doesn't boast in my face but shares info like all friends do. I do my best, usually smile but inside I am so envious.

We grew up together so it would be hard to space our friendship plus she is a good friend. I am just venting. Thanks for letting me get it out!

No one has it all easy. Rich people have problems to, often worse than ours.

I'm the "Rich in Love" poster...and keep telling yourself that!!!

Rich people have the same problems middle class people have EXCEPT they have no money problems. It is easier for rich people.

Kid with Autism? Pay for the best therapy school money can buy.
Cancer? Pay for the best treatment with cash. You definitely have a better chance at survival than the poor schmuck with the HMO.
Feeling fat? Pay for a trainer and meal delivery.
AC breaks? No sweat, get FH Fur right out and get a new one!
Husband a cheating Asshole? No problem, divorce him and take half and still never have to work.
Commute? What commute? live close to work and get hours upon hours of your life back each week!

Sure, they get sick, have sick kids and have bad marriages, but all in all, they do NOT have more problems. But whatever makes you feel better and more secure about your position in life. The best remedy for your feelings is to stop HOLDING ONTO HOPE that somehow someone who is has more material wealth than yourself somehow is more miserable because of it.

[Anonymous]

I get envious of those that have help- we have none (and ALL of our friends have help from family so it's hard to compare a trip to grandma's as our vacation to your paid by grandma cruise with a nanny...three times a year). But I try to focus on what we do have. And, my best friend thinks I have the world in my hands and it's not true. I just don't share the 'crap' because no one wants to hear about what keeps me up at night. When you look at us, I have an amazing husband, two kids, the dog, the beautiful home. But, you don't know how we did the labor since we couldn't afford to hire someone. Our furniture looks very nice- almost all of it was purchased used and we have refinished it since we couldn't afford the designer stuff. But, you'd never know it when you walk in. I'm not going to tell you- oh, you love my daughter's bed, I paid $5 for it. I am not ashamed of it (and my best friend knows a lot of this type of thing) but the random mom here doesn't know that. She just sees the overall picture.

I always remember how my sister and I at one point were jealous of one another. She was married with kids, living in a beautiful house and I looked at her saying, she's got her life together. She looked at me and my newly married husband living in an apartment, no worries, traveling, working at jobs that we love and was jealous of the freedom we had with nothing holding us back from just going somewhere on a whim without worrying about kids!

We just went to a wedding- it was spectacular and nicer than our wedding could have ever been. They are dripping with cash while we are hanging by a string. They may have wealth, but we have health. I cried as I saw the mother of the bride walk down the aisle, knowing her last chemo treatment didn't go well. While I'd love to be as financially secure as they are, having my mom hold my kids for the first time and be on the phone when something goes wrong is priceless.

My point...you never know what keeps even your best friend up at night. I'm convinced that no one has it all and those that pretend to are probably not the friends I want.

[Anonymous]

Why does everyone who is better off have to have something bad happening to them. Do you think people in poverty think the same about the middle class. Why should the wealthy feel guilty? What a sick county we live in when success is demonized and not used as a goal to better oneself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Methinks the lady doth protest too much. It seems you go out of your way to emphasize how much you like your life compared to your friends' lives. This thread is about honesty.

Uh, read the thread title again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get jealous. We send our kid to a preschool in a higher end part of town where all the parents have so much more money than us and I get intimidated by them and get kind of embarrassed by where I am in my life and the neighborhood we live in, but the reality is that my family is doing so much better than so many other families out there and i feel fortunate for what we do have. And as a pp stated, it's all relative - you have no idea what's going on in anyone's lives.

Maybe it's an age thing, but the pursuit of money and wealth matters less and less than leaving a positive legacy on earth while you are here - make the world a better place while you are here and the energy it takes being jealous is energy that can be used in so many other positive ways.

I don't get jealous of this because I grew up this way -- faculty brat who attended private school for free b/c my mom taught there. We were by no means poor -- my dad is a doctor -- but we were definitely not as well-off as most of my classmates. No designer clothes, no car at 16, etc. Classmates took vacation in places I'd never heard of and still have never been to (Aruba, etc). It was actually quite a good way to grow up; we had enough that I was never envious, but less than those we were surrounded by, so we could keep perspective. That is pretty much how I feel now when hanging out with people far richer than I. Sure, I wish I had a hell of a lot more money -- but I don't want to do what is needed to obtain it, in terms of insane work hours or professions. We worry about money all the time but it's in a how-do-I-send my kid to college way, or recognition that our standard of living is lower than my parents' at the same age, not in a how-do-I-pay-the-rent way. So we are very fortunate, really, and I am conscious of that every day as I step off metro and see the guys hawking Street Sense, or holding out cups on the street.

I do wonder if the super-rich are really happy. I hope they are. It seems a shame to have so much and still not be happy! More money would make my life easier, but I can't say for sure it would make my life happier. I have what I need; what I don't have I can either get or do without. That's enough.