Anyone else's kid graduating college without any social support network?
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Anonymous
| Sounds like it wasn't a good fit for her. Why make her go to graduation? Just have the diploma mailed and she can move on with her life. |
Anonymous
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OP, I’m sorry. I agree she shouldn’t have to go to graduation. Also agree that work has changed, and she should seek community outside the job. I think one of the dating apps (Bumble?) allows you to search for potential friends.
As someone whose DD doesn’t seem to have close friendships at the end of high school, I’m curious if there’s anything you (or other posters with similar kids) would do differently, or advise your DCs to do differently — in school selection, or things they did once there. |
Anonymous
As an aside, they just announced a few hours ago that there will be a big celebration event at the with performances and special guests. “The event, scheduled for Thursday at 8:30 p.m., will include "drone shows, fireworks, surprise performances, the Trojan Marching Band, and a special gift just for the Class of 2024," according to the university, which billed the event as a chance for graduates to "celebrate your accomplishments in a big way and come together as a Trojan Family." https://abc7.com/amp/usc-adjusts-campus-security-amid-protests-ahead-of-commencement/14759811/ OP’s daughter may not be into this new event but dropping here just in case. |
Anonymous
LOL. |
Anonymous
OP here. Yes, sorry that's what we meant by graduation. |
Anonymous
OP here. I've been thinking about that the past few days, but honestly, I don't know. I don't think there's anything we as parents could've done -- no one can stop a pandemic. |
Anonymous
I have a 2020 kid who started college during lockdown. Their observation is that many of the kids who started college in the lockdown dorms in fall 2020. Are much more introverted with smaller social groups than the kids who started college and dorm life in 21 and 22. They were not allowed to do the normal college dorm socializing, even the simple things like leaving their room doors open to meet people, or congregate in halls and common areas. Everyone was masked so they weren't able to read social cues to meet new people, and a lot of kids were stand offish because they did not want a discipline referral or honor code violation for violating those nonsensical covid restrictions put upon them by the universities. They feel that because of this, many kids just kept to themselves, even kids who were normally extroverts, and had a hard time breaking from this habit as things opened up. My kid also said the difference between the dorms their freshman year, and the incoming freshman the following year (21) was stark and jarring, especially the friendly noise and the kids constantly interacting with each other. |
Anonymous
You are not alone. So many 2020 parents that I talk with say the same thing. Their freshman year of college was not what college is supposed to be. |
Anonymous
| OP, in addition to work, encourage your daughter to find volunteer opportunities or meet-ups focused on things she likes. Don’t let her make work her entire existence. Is she going to be in the DC area or in CA? |
Anonymous
| Sorry to hear about your daughter, OP. It’s really challenging to find your people. Sometimes it’s a life-long pursuit. My suggestion would be to have your daughter volunteer in her off hours doing something she’s really passionate about. Helping others while working on soft skills. |
Anonymous
| Hi, hugs to your kid. My DD is going through the same thing at the moment, a couple weeks away from graduation. She also started college alone in her dorm room at a small rural LAC (another controversy within the family, as we thought a smaller college would handle the pandemic better and allow her to stand out as a quieter person whereas she had her heart set on going to our state flagship). She was very cautious re COVID as I was undergoing chemotherapy at the time and adhered to the strict rules of not having people over in your room or going unmasked and it turns out that a lot of people, even people from a friend group she made 2nd-3rd year, were often over at each other's rooms for gatherings. She basically started sophomore year with absolutely no friends but got along with a roommate (though no longer in touch as the roommate took a gap year), and made a small circle of friends 2nd to 3rd year through her major and EC. She was originally not planning on going abroad bc she wanted to stay and solidify friendships on campus after COVID but half of her friends left during various points in junior year. It was pretty unorthodox and maybe disruptive but she got the opportunity to go abroad her senior year in a program that aligned well her major (and loved the experience, doesn't regret it one bit). What she does regret is returning to campus for her senior spring, as the friend group she had had become fragmented while she was gone due to housing drama and what's disappointing is that now they mostly associate with their apartment roommates and haven't really let DD back in (which was not the case when those friends went abroad last year). Yeah, so she's ending on a bit of a disappointing note - it's also hard when friends move on, even when you incorporated them back into your life and friend group when they returned from abroad. She's definitely come out of her shell and is more of an ambivert, but it was hard to rebound in her last semester when most of her friends weren't there for her but she also had limited time to develop new friendships. Given the lack of interaction on campus, she doesn't really see them keeping in touch after graduation (which would have still potentially been an issue even with closer friendships, as we didn't think about the fact that a midwestern college with a lot of geographic diversity would have a lot of graduates return to their home state - this would have been different at our state flagship, which draws a lot of in-state students and a lot of grads also stick around the area). Sorry if this was not helpful and not the same situation, but it was nice to get it off of my chest and also see that my DD isn't the only one struggling with the prospect of graduating without a strong support system from college. Wishing your DC all the best! |
Anonymous
| As parents, we are basically each in touch with exactly one person from our undergrad institution and don't see them often, as we moved away from the region. We made most of our friends through grad school, work, and now the neighborhood/meeting parents through our children's activities. |
Anonymous
| There is a difference between falling out of touch with college friends over the course of decades and never making those friends at all. Op, lots of good advice here on helping your daughter strengthen her social skills. |
Anonymous
I guess the point is that it doesn’t matter that much in the long run whether you made lifelong friends in college or not. |
Anonymous
Yes, but if a kid is having difficulty making friends in multiple settings, it’s better to help them work on this skill than making excuses. |