Perfect guy but he makes less money than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

I get where OP is coming from. I’m not sure what to advise, but money is a practical concern. My DHs income and our lifestyle choices do not give me the flexibility to stay home and I had to come to terms with that. But - he still earns more than I do and I have some flexibility in my career that allows me to be a present parent. This works for us. He doesn’t want to be the default parent. If you want to be the default parent AND the breadwinner, you very well may start resenting him down the line if you can’t come to terms with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Choose the man that will be an amazing father and husband.

OP here. How will I know if he’s a good husband of father without making him one? So many people I know ( and on here) thought their spouses would make a good wife/husband and parent and haven’t. I don’t think I can definitively predict who will be a lifelong good husband and father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: OP is stuck - if she marries BF, she will resent him for the rest of her life becacuse he doens't make enough. If she dumps him and marries someone making $400K and lives a life of material wealth, for the rest of her life, she'll pine for her one true love.

Given that OP is so materialistic, she screwed herself over by falling in love.

OP here. I’m not materialistic. I don’t buy fancy things, I don’t own any brand name clothes, and I don’t care about fancy vacations. I do care about living a comfortable life and giving any future children the opportunities I never had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, how do you typically signal your tradwife interests? Why didn’t he pick up on them?

OP here. I don’t what this is. I don’t do social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

You’re lucky it worked out. It’s not super common for women to get married to a decent guy in their late thirties and go on to have children in their forties. It’s amazing that it worked out for you, but it’s more of an exception to the rule.

OP is at an age where if she wants kids, she needs to be getting serious about having the right infrastructure in place to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

You’re lucky it worked out. It’s not super common for women to get married to a decent guy in their late thirties and go on to have children in their forties. It’s amazing that it worked out for you, but it’s more of an exception to the rule.

OP is at an age where if she wants kids, she needs to be getting serious about having the right infrastructure in place to do that.

OP here. I’m 29 and I froze my eggs last year. I think I should be fine on the baby thing.

[Anonymous]

Just give it some more time and decide if you can get over his lack of earning potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: OP is stuck - if she marries BF, she will resent him for the rest of her life becacuse he doens't make enough. If she dumps him and marries someone making $400K and lives a life of material wealth, for the rest of her life, she'll pine for her one true love.

Given that OP is so materialistic, she screwed herself over by falling in love.

OP here. I’m not materialistic. I don’t buy fancy things, I don’t own any brand name clothes, and I don’t care about fancy vacations. I do care about living a comfortable life and giving any future children the opportunities I never had.

OP I previously replied and I’m very much like you (only my husband and I both grew up very comfortably.) there is nothing wrong with your priorities. You might just be the one bringing in the lions share of the income.

I would sit your boyfriend down and have a talk. I did the same thing with my now DH. In our twenties, he had NO CLUE what raising a family cost. Childcare, activities, clothing, help if your kid has special needs (which one of ours does), housing, home maintenance, day camp… it was a rude awakening for him. While it was a point of contention for a long time, his income has increased significantly. I’m not quitting my job, which as I mentioned previously, was not what I imagined with young kids, but we both compromised. I would be honest with your boyfriend about the life you envision and ask what he envisions. Regardless of what you decide, you want to go into engagement knowing each other and your desires well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Edited

You want to be a stand home mom so yes, you do want a meal ticket.

Accept who you are, dump the good guy, let him find a good girl, and go find you a man who will pay for your life without much in return.

What a cynical outlook! A woman who wants to allow for the possibility of staying home when their children are young is not looking for a meal ticket. The younger generation has been sold a bill of goods that a woman should desire to place her children with another for care 9+ hours per day. Smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edited

You want to be a stand home mom so yes, you do want a meal ticket.

Accept who you are, dump the good guy, let him find a good girl, and go find you a man who will pay for your life without much in return.

What a cynical outlook! A woman who wants to allow for the possibility of staying home when their children are young is not looking for a meal ticket. The younger generation has been sold a bill of goods that a woman should desire to place her children with another for care 9+ hours per day. Smh

Totally agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

Then you will need to work or have him be a SAHD. Your mom chose to stay at home and look at how you suffered. By working and being married to the man of your dreams will reap rewards to your future children.

But you really do want a meal ticket, if you are wanting to retire in the next few years and pop out kids. Just admit it and let this man find a woman that will love all of him.

He’s not the man of her dreams though.

It sounds like you’re weirdly invested in gaslighting her into becoming HIS mealticket. If she stays with this guy she’d be the breadwinner and she’d be the default parent carrying all the stress of pregnancy and the mental load of raising a family.

[Anonymous]

Outsource your job to him when you SAH. It's perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

Then you will need to work or have him be a SAHD. Your mom chose to stay at home and look at how you suffered. By working and being married to the man of your dreams will reap rewards to your future children.

But you really do want a meal ticket, if you are wanting to retire in the next few years and pop out kids. Just admit it and let this man find a woman that will love all of him.

He’s not the man of her dreams though.

It sounds like you’re weirdly invested in gaslighting her into becoming HIS mealticket. If she stays with this guy she’d be the breadwinner and she’d be the default parent carrying all the stress of pregnancy and the mental load of raising a family.

We're all just shooting the breeze here but your friends in real life are not going to take you seriously when you call everything "gaslighting".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Edited

You want to be a stand home mom so yes, you do want a meal ticket.

Accept who you are, dump the good guy, let him find a good girl, and go find you a man who will pay for your life without much in return.

What a cynical outlook! A woman who wants to allow for the possibility of staying home when their children are young is not looking for a meal ticket. The younger generation has been sold a bill of goods that a woman should desire to place her children with another for care 9+ hours per day. Smh

You're trying to sell a bill of goods that every woman deserves a husband who earns more than median income. Smh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

You’re lucky it worked out. It’s not super common for women to get married to a decent guy in their late thirties and go on to have children in their forties. It’s amazing that it worked out for you, but it’s more of an exception to the rule.

OP is at an age where if she wants kids, she needs to be getting serious about having the right infrastructure in place to do that.

OP here. I’m 29 and I froze my eggs last year. I think I should be fine on the baby thing.

ha good luck