Help me make it through the next month and a half

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've all assumed it was a DH, but that is not obvious, is it?

How many women are defendants? How many husbands stand by their wives while they are defendants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should find a therapist. It’s OK not to tell the therapist everything. You could be upfront about it, and tell her what you told us, and still work on things like coping skills and boundaries and stuff.

I went through a similar situation, although mine was sex related (then-husband had an affair, and when his AP tried to break it off, he broke into her house, destroyed her stuff, and then distributed intimate pictures of her on an amateur porn site). I knew I was leaving, but also realized that it was no good for DD if her dad was in prison, so I played along. I had a therapist to help me through it, and then the divorce.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this! Did your XH go to prison after all?

He did not. But he does have it on his record so he cannot change jobs or do anything else that will require a background check. We divorced, and our daughter is in college now, so we have no remaining financial ties.

I don't understand this story. Your ex was not innocent. What did staying married do for this case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice is always the same: pretend you're on a reality tv show, and come the reunion with Andy Cohen, you want to come off well. You don't want to have to struggle to answer why you lost your cool, or why you did or didn't do/say something. You want to come off as the accidental hero that makes other people think "I wish I could keep my composure and be that good an example for my kids!"

This is great advice. Dissociate a little and focus on how you want to see yourself when you look back on this situation in a year or two. That kept me sane post-divorce when ex-H was acting erratic and being unkind.

Thank you to both PPs. I have indeed felt like an actor for the past 2 years, while providing more support to my spouse than they rightly deserve and accepting the brunt of their frustrations with the case against them. I’ve made it this far and the trial is only a few weeks away - I just need a final surge of strength.

You are SO close.

I Know you have it in you to see this through.

It is very admirable that you are putting your children first.

You are a heroine.

(Who is Almost there. )

[Anonymous]

I am an attorney, but don't do criminal law. However, my ex and several close friends do.
Just some contradictory advice to previous posts, which I'm sure your H's attorney will second. If this is any kind of financial crime--embezzlement, tax evasion ,etc.-do NOT dress up or spend time on special make up and hair. Don't wear expensive jewelry. You do not want to come across as wealthy in those circumstances. I don't mean you should wear sweats, but neither do you want a juror to think "I can see where that money went."

[Anonymous]

OP. Spouse is, understandably, increasingly on edge as the trial approaches, and I am walking on eggshells around them because any little thing can and does set them off. I really try not to take their frustrations personally, but am only human. I want so badly to speak up and leave immediately, but know I have to keep holding it in for now - or do I? Should I pretend I need to run out for milk or something and just yell and cry in my car in the supermarket parking lot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've all assumed it was a DH, but that is not obvious, is it?

How many women are defendants? How many husbands stand by their wives while they are defendants?

It could be a lesbian couple.

[Anonymous]

OP. Trial has been taking somewhat longer than anticipated, but should for sure conclude this week. I’m exhausted, and have come to loathe spouse even though I still don’t believe they’re guilty of the specific accusations against them. I feel like I deserve an Oscar for my acting which has truly reached another level these past few weeks. 5 more days… please help me keep my sh*t together, DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Trial has been taking somewhat longer than anticipated, but should for sure conclude this week. I’m exhausted, and have come to loathe spouse even though I still don’t believe they’re guilty of the specific accusations against them. I feel like I deserve an Oscar for my acting which has truly reached another level these past few weeks. 5 more days… please help me keep my sh*t together, DCUM!

You can make it another week, OP! Just focus on life after the trial.

[Anonymous]

Please check back in when the trial is over, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should find a therapist. It’s OK not to tell the therapist everything. You could be upfront about it, and tell her what you told us, and still work on things like coping skills and boundaries and stuff.

I went through a similar situation, although mine was sex related (then-husband had an affair, and when his AP tried to break it off, he broke into her house, destroyed her stuff, and then distributed intimate pictures of her on an amateur porn site). I knew I was leaving, but also realized that it was no good for DD if her dad was in prison, so I played along. I had a therapist to help me through it, and then the divorce.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this! Did your XH go to prison after all?

He did not. But he does have it on his record so he cannot change jobs or do anything else that will require a background check. We divorced, and our daughter is in college now, so we have no remaining financial ties.

I don't understand this story. Your ex was not innocent. What did staying married do for this case?

Made him look stable. How bad could it be if his wife is standing by him?

[Anonymous]

Well, think of what Melania has to go through, OP

Come on, you're nearly there! You can do it!

[Anonymous]

OP. It’s crazy how much the kindness of internet strangers helps me feel better, so thank you! Spouse doesn’t know, but I booked a flight with a prepaid Visa card to the opposite coast for Friday night - don’t know if I’ll actually use it, but it feels good to have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. It’s crazy how much the kindness of internet strangers helps me feel better, so thank you! Spouse doesn’t know, but I booked a flight with a prepaid Visa card to the opposite coast for Friday night - don’t know if I’ll actually use it, but it feels good to have it.

Please use it. You sound like you have been traumatized. Have Stockholm syndrome. Are you sure your spouse is innocent? Not intending to fam flames. It just sounds so awful—what you’re experiencing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. It’s crazy how much the kindness of internet strangers helps me feel better, so thank you! Spouse doesn’t know, but I booked a flight with a prepaid Visa card to the opposite coast for Friday night - don’t know if I’ll actually use it, but it feels good to have it.

A PP here who is Team OP. The idea of a trip is great and gives you something to look forward to (even if you don't do it in the end--check the airline's policy re: canceling or postponing). I know you have a DC--would DC go with you or would spouse balk at both of you suddenly leaving? Not dissing the idea of a trip, but also not sure how DC fits into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. It’s crazy how much the kindness of internet strangers helps me feel better, so thank you! Spouse doesn’t know, but I booked a flight with a prepaid Visa card to the opposite coast for Friday night - don’t know if I’ll actually use it, but it feels good to have it.

A PP here who is Team OP. The idea of a trip is great and gives you something to look forward to (even if you don't do it in the end--check the airline's policy re: canceling or postponing). I know you have a DC--would DC go with you or would spouse balk at both of you suddenly leaving? Not dissing the idea of a trip, but also not sure how DC fits into it.

DC is actually in college on the coast I’d be visiting! Thinking of having a heart-to-heart with DC that weekend, but not sure if it’d be too soon - spouse may need time with DC instead depending on verdict. All I know is that I need to get away after holding down the fort for the past 2 years.