would you rather bring kids up in NYC or the NY burbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need greenery and the concrete jungle is not for me. I do love cities too, just not the concrete jungle
I don’t know if this is a thing, but was told by a former Manhattanite years ago that her kids had asthma, then when they had to relocate for her husband’s work they got better. During the winter time it is really gray, snow turns into ugly gray slush very soon
There is no beauty anywhere

Parts of New York City are gray, but parts look like the wilderness.

The air is bad right now, but that’s because of the trees in Canada, not because the air is generally that bad.

And I agree that the ritzy New York schools are bad for kids, but I think being in or close to the city is good for kids who are a little quirky.

Which parts of NYC look like the wilderness other than a couple spots in Central Park? One of my kids is living there now, and I find the city extremely depressing outside of the park.

[Anonymous]

Born and bred NYer here who attended two of the top private schools. I loved growing up in the City. Yes, it made me sophisticated, haughty and cynical, but I am also so much more realistic about life than my suburban-bred friends, most of whom grew up very sheltered. Diversity doesn't scare me. Homeless people don't scare me. Noise, dirt and traffic don't scare me. FWIW, I went to college in a rural area and now live in the DC burbs. Most people are surprised when they hear I grew up there.

At first I took umbrage at the descriptions of NY kids but, now that I think about it, I pretty much hated everyone in my HS who I think were/are a bunch of entitled aholes. So yeah, NY doesn't produce the best kids. But some of us got out a lot and didn't have psycho striver parents.
My sister lives in Westchester, she went kicking and screaming but admits that it is so much easier to raise kids there.
So, for the most part, I think suburbs win over the city.

One big thing to keep in mind is schools. A lot of people move to the burbs to take advantage of good public schools but end up in private. Also, most of the NY burbs are town-based and the affluent ones are quite sporty and competitive. If you have a kid who doesn't fit the mold, it can be difficult and there are few places to get them out of that situation. In the City, you have a multitude of school options and much more opportunities for your child to find their people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need greenery and the concrete jungle is not for me. I do love cities too, just not the concrete jungle
I don’t know if this is a thing, but was told by a former Manhattanite years ago that her kids had asthma, then when they had to relocate for her husband’s work they got better. During the winter time it is really gray, snow turns into ugly gray slush very soon
There is no beauty anywhere

Parts of New York City are gray, but parts look like the wilderness.

The air is bad right now, but that’s because of the trees in Canada, not because the air is generally that bad.

And I agree that the ritzy New York schools are bad for kids, but I think being in or close to the city is good for kids who are a little quirky.

Which parts of NYC look like the wilderness other than a couple spots in Central Park? One of my kids is living there now, and I find the city extremely depressing outside of the park.

Parts of Brooklyn are very green. I don't know about the 'wilderness' pp was talking about, but if you have money and you want to be in NYC and have greenery you can. It's just that the money you need is on a very different scale than in any other US city.

[Anonymous]

Entirely dependent upon your preferences. You can technically afford either but you’ll feel richer in the suburbs.

Do both spouses work and commute? Another imp factor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need greenery and the concrete jungle is not for me. I do love cities too, just not the concrete jungle
I don’t know if this is a thing, but was told by a former Manhattanite years ago that her kids had asthma, then when they had to relocate for her husband’s work they got better. During the winter time it is really gray, snow turns into ugly gray slush very soon
There is no beauty anywhere

Parts of New York City are gray, but parts look like the wilderness.

The air is bad right now, but that’s because of the trees in Canada, not because the air is generally that bad.

And I agree that the ritzy New York schools are bad for kids, but I think being in or close to the city is good for kids who are a little quirky.

Which parts of NYC look like the wilderness other than a couple spots in Central Park? One of my kids is living there now, and I find the city extremely depressing outside of the park.

I live in NYC and find most suburbs extremely depressing. To each his/her/their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with the NYC kids is that almost all of the kids will be from dual income family where both parents are high achieving and career focused. The kids are accessories and their parents focus on work way more than the kids. They are raised by nannies. Most of my NYC friends actually have 2 nannies. There’s nothing wrong with working hard and being successful, but it seems to be done in a more extreme manner in NYC. The kids end up weird because of it. Also a lot of kids with a weird attitude or outlook because of their parents wealth and career success.

As a NYC parent, I would describe the above as "some" NYC kids, but definitely NOT "almost all". There are many SAHP here and parents with flexible schedules. IMO the families with 2 nannies are the exception, and not the rule. Maybe it's that way at private schools, but definitely not in the public or Catholic and Jewish schools.

[Anonymous]

We both work from home multiple days a week. Suburb has been fantastic.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about the provincialism I see in wealthy kids who grow up in NYC. Kids in suburbs around the country, especially ones focused on education, adopt the idea early on that they’ll eventually leave for education, work, whatever. They may love their hometowns, but they don’t believe their hometown is the center of the world. As a result, they are mentally open to the idea of spreading their wings as young adults.

But wealthy NYC kids grow up absorbing the message that where they live is the best place in the world. And they are so weirdly provincial about it. I’ve met native New Yorkers who won’t go to Milan or Shanghai, for Pete’s sake. There is a proud myopia that exists that’s puzzling, and it would worry me. No amount of city activity can make up for a refusal to engage with the rest of the world.

+1
I’ve seen this too. There’s also so many people who would be much happier elsewhere but their identity is dependent on staying there. Bizarre.

Yes, what is odd about native New Yorkers is that for people whose identity is so tied up in being “the best,” they are often shockingly provincial. It’s a really weird disconnect.

[Anonymous]

+Another vote for suburbs. I grew up MC in a normal place in the south/midwest but went to an elite college with lots of kids from the "top" schools in NYC and was wholly unimpressed. On the whole, they are a very jaded and entitled bunch.

Moved to NYC after college and always swore up and down I would never want to my future kids to grow up there. Even before the current craziness and QOL issues took hold in the pandemic, the amount of noise and concrete was too much for me, let alone a toddler.

Raising my own kids now in the suburbs which certainly aren't without flaws but the access to nature, sports, and strong public school system (no admissions BS that starts in pre-school) was what sealed the deal for us. We can always come in twice a year to go to a museum or see a show.

[Anonymous]

Grew up in Rockland County and loved it! Had a 2 acre yard, learned o drive at 15+ but was close enough to the city that we could enjoy everything it had to offer.

[Anonymous]

It would depend on my ability to privately educate in NYC. 800k is going to put you at the bottom of the income bracket at NYC privates. Most families pulling in millions and some scholarship kids. Nothing wrong with that, but at 800k I doubt you have the network necessary to get your child into top privates unless maybe they already attend a DC private. Despite what people on here will tell you, a DC private won’t help your child get in anymore than a Dallas, LA, Boston etc private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume HHI around $800k. Which would you choose between Manhattan, BK, Northern burbs?

Isn't this why they invented Connecticut ?

Shhhhh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about the provincialism I see in wealthy kids who grow up in NYC. Kids in suburbs around the country, especially ones focused on education, adopt the idea early on that they’ll eventually leave for education, work, whatever. They may love their hometowns, but they don’t believe their hometown is the center of the world. As a result, they are mentally open to the idea of spreading their wings as young adults.

But wealthy NYC kids grow up absorbing the message that where they live is the best place in the world. And they are so weirdly provincial about it. I’ve met native New Yorkers who won’t go to Milan or Shanghai, for Pete’s sake. There is a proud myopia that exists that’s puzzling, and it would worry me. No amount of city activity can make up for a refusal to engage with the rest of the world.

This. It’s like the only other place these kids can function is London and sometimes LA.

Their parents work all the time and they haven’t visited many places in the US. They have visited the Hamptons, maybe went to summer camp in New England and somewhere in Florida. That’s it. They do not understand basic concepts and can’t believe that a place like Dallas, TX has good sushi restaurants and the same clothing stores. They will say things like “Dallas is only chains” without realizing that Pret, Blue Bottle, Sweetgreen, Dish etc are also all chains.

A lot of kids growing up in Manhattan also struggle since their parents are often successful and they can’t ever achieve what their parents did.

My vote is NY suburbs. Give your kids a more normal childhood and spend time enjoying the city now and then. Your kids will be more open minded and more worldly.

op - this is ridiculous.
i wanted advice not wild stereotypes of thousands of human beings. jfc.
my kids have already travelled a ton and i'm sure they will do so throughout life. and they are perfectly nice, the kids higher up in their school are LOVELY. I watched a movie last night with them where kids were bullied in school and they literally were like what IS THIS.
lot of reasons to be conflicted here but believing my kids will be a******* or 'provincial' if they grow up in manhattan is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about the provincialism I see in wealthy kids who grow up in NYC. Kids in suburbs around the country, especially ones focused on education, adopt the idea early on that they’ll eventually leave for education, work, whatever. They may love their hometowns, but they don’t believe their hometown is the center of the world. As a result, they are mentally open to the idea of spreading their wings as young adults.

But wealthy NYC kids grow up absorbing the message that where they live is the best place in the world. And they are so weirdly provincial about it. I’ve met native New Yorkers who won’t go to Milan or Shanghai, for Pete’s sake. There is a proud myopia that exists that’s puzzling, and it would worry me. No amount of city activity can make up for a refusal to engage with the rest of the world.

This. It’s like the only other place these kids can function is London and sometimes LA.

Their parents work all the time and they haven’t visited many places in the US. They have visited the Hamptons, maybe went to summer camp in New England and somewhere in Florida. That’s it. They do not understand basic concepts and can’t believe that a place like Dallas, TX has good sushi restaurants and the same clothing stores. They will say things like “Dallas is only chains” without realizing that Pret, Blue Bottle, Sweetgreen, Dish etc are also all chains.

A lot of kids growing up in Manhattan also struggle since their parents are often successful and they can’t ever achieve what their parents did.

My vote is NY suburbs. Give your kids a more normal childhood and spend time enjoying the city now and then. Your kids will be more open minded and more worldly.

op - this is ridiculous.
i wanted advice not wild stereotypes of thousands of human beings. jfc.
my kids have already travelled a ton and i'm sure they will do so throughout life. and they are perfectly nice, the kids higher up in their school are LOVELY. I watched a movie last night with them where kids were bullied in school and they literally were like what IS THIS.
lot of reasons to be conflicted here but believing my kids will be a******* or 'provincial' if they grow up in manhattan is not one of them.

+1

Well said, OP. Try stating facts about the DMV, and the locals have a tantrum.