Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| As the title states...The kid in question is 12 yo and known for picking vegetables out of his meals for as long as I've known him. He also doesn't like anything other than American food and will make all sorts of remarks about how much he hates vegetables etc. DH said earlier today that "if he doesn't want to eat what we eat, then we can heat up something like a frozen pizza etc." while I disagree. I think that if we've taken the trouble of making a meal, he should be having what we're having and not be catered to. It's not like he's deathly allergic to vegetables. If the kid was just staying for a few days, I would let my husband just deal with it. However, it's two weeks so I will definitely be handling at least half of meal prep/cooking. I like to cook a variety of dishes from various non-American cuisines (FWIW, I'm German). Knowing how outspoken this kid will be about the food that is served, I plan on informing him at the start that his fussy ways won't be tolerated. That said, I wouldn't want him complaining to his parents that we were mean to him. Is my approach considered inappropriate to American parents? |
Anonymous
| What your husband describes isn’t “catering to him,” it’s leaving him alone. If someone fed you something you wouldn’t usually eat, like prime rib with a thick ring of white fat, you wouldn’t eat the fat to be polite, would you? You’d probably eat what you could then have a snack when you got home to feel satiated. Same for him, except he can’t escape to eat his usual fare. |
Anonymous
| What OP describes is totally different from the PP's imagined scenario. The child is old enough to heat up a pizza. Don't do it for him. I personally find American children like him to be spoiled. I can't imagine my Vietnamese parents refusing vegetables in the refugee camp I was born in. Children like that need to have some sense drummed into them! |
Anonymous
| Yeah this is not your battle to fight and very bizarre that you would take this approach as a host. Having some microwaveable pizzas for the kid to heat up himself is fine. It almost seems like you are planning to make foods he won’t like so you have the pleasure of making him eat them... |
Anonymous
It’s actually not imagined, when I was young and living in, of all places, Germany, a host remarked on my rudeness for exactly that situation. It was true then and is true now, that it is ruder to comment on what someone has left on their plate, than for the person to have left it there. |
Anonymous
|
I'd just try to make meals you know he likes (burgers, maybe roasted chicken and potatoes, grilled foods). I would not coerce him to eat anything he doesn't wan't. He (I assume) is visiting you for fun. It's only a week and it's really not up to you to fight that battle.
Make stuff he likes, have some healthy back ups in case he doesn't (yogurt, cheese sticks, pb, nuts). |
Anonymous
| Focus on building a great relationship with him. You are not going to change his eating habits in 2 weeks. He is entering his teen years. You want him to enjoy visiting. Ask him for suggestions on the menu..try to find things that will work for all. |
Anonymous
| Wow, why are hosting? Seriously, he's not even there and your this bent out of shape. Why host if you plan on doing what you want to do without regard to your guests preferences. I'm not suggesting that it's OK to be such a picky eater but you have to take your guests likes into consideration. For example, I love spicy food my IL's can't stand it, they like bland salt and butter food. Pepper is sxotic to them. I don't even like my IL's that much but when they come to visit I cook what I know they will eat. I might make a side dish that has some spice or not but they are my guests and it's on me to be a good host let alone for somebody who is 12. I get the impression that there are other reasons why this kid gets you so worked up. |
Anonymous
|
It sounds like you are planning to “fix” his pickiness while he’s there. Not worth it. Cook meals that he can select what to put on his plate (like ingredients for tacos/burritos, pasta with a few different meats or sauces (meat for that meal can be cooked at the same time as the meat for the taco meal), and you say nothing and he puts together his own plate.
The only thing you have the right in saying is that we don’t tolerate whining about food in this house. You put out food you think he might eat (bread and butter, cut up fruit, some shredded cheese could be his dinner) along with food you will eat and then talk about your day. Nobody has to comment on the phone unless it’s to compliment it. Let this go and you’ll all enjoy the visit much much more! Picky eaters |
Anonymous
|
I don’t understand why it’s such a problem for you if he’s eating the bulk of the meal, but just picking out the vegetables.
You’re German. Cmon, I can go there for two weeks and eat meals in restaurants with pretty much nary a vegetable save for mixed salad and potatoes in sight, and the salad is likely to be overdressed. So use some of your heritage and make some more plain German dishes that he can leave the vegetables off his plate for. It’s really not that hard. Even an American kid is likely to eat spätzle and gravy. At the end of the day, it’s only two weeks. You are an adult, and I trust you can work around it for whatever your six meals are. I think it just bugs you that he’s the step grandson and you’re put out about hosting him at all. Stock some frozen pizzas, cereal and some extra things to make sandwiches. |
Anonymous
Agree. OP, you sound terrible. The fact that you are focusing on this, and that you've gone through the trouble to point out that he is your "step" grandson, indicates that you don't want him there at all. Already plotting how you can make him feel uncomfortable at meals. Wonderful. Just tell our DH you don't want him there. It's kinder in the long run. |
Anonymous
|
Kids often don't like things mixed together so my advice is to keep it simple and SEPARATED. Meat, starch and vegetables each in their own bowl. Everyone takes what they want. Ask the child what he DOES like to eat. Spaghetti, tacos, and go from there. Sauerkraut and bratwurst are probably off the table. I can relate to not really liking German cuisine.
|
Anonymous
|
OP, I agree with everything you said.
That said, this isn't your battle to fight, it's his parents battle and they need to figure it out for themselves. You will do nothing except cause resentment and make it very hard on your husband. Let him enjoy his time with his grandson. |
Anonymous
|
Treat it as you would any other guest--by which I mean, don't go so far as to prepare multiple meals, but do cook things within your normal repotoire/range that you know this guest will like. Stock your pantry with healthful snacks that he can use to supplement--independently--if he doesn't like the meals.
It's not for you to "fix" or overanalyze his food issues. It's for you to provide a nice home and basic meals for his temporary visit. If any problems arise, by all means, step out of the way and let your husband handle this. Don't "inform him" of anything. Set the food out, and don't monitor his portion sizes or his choices. He can eat what he wants, how much he wants, of what is available for a few days. If he complains or asks for alternate meals, that's a different story, but again, STEP OUT OF THE WAY and let his grandfather handle it. Is your husband seriously such an incapable parent/grandparent that he can't handle this without your intervention? If so, reconsider whether you can actually host this child. |
Anonymous
To be fair, he doesn’t seem to be asking for OPs intervention. He has a plan, although she disagrees. She’s inserting herself and her opinions. I’m guessing they share meal prep in general. |