the kids are watching....

[Anonymous]

It’s a funny thing the way things work out. Growing up, my mom was just aweful to her mother, my grandmother. We witness my mothers uncontrollable wrath.
My mom had favorites in her own children and I was not one of them. Actually, it was the opposite. She was nasty and abusive to me. She has gotten older and decided to live near two of my siblings who she adored. In fact, she is obsessed with one of my sisters. Well, after she moved to be around her chosen children, they blew her off. They don’t visit, their kids don’t visit and if they happen to talk to her they treat her like she is stupid. I do not live near them, in fact it is expensive for me to visit. I went and spent time with her. I tried to feel bad for her, but I couldn’t.
However I taught my kids to respect her even though she had little to do with them growing up. They visit her.
My mom made her bed.....
What’s my point...history repeats itself. Every time I read people giving each other advice to cut off their mothers and block their moms from seeing grandkids, their children are watching. And someday you will get old.
It’s very sad. I doubt if parents see the entire dynamic of what is going on. The way your children see you treat your parents is engraved on their brains and hearts.
As for me, I got stuck with a Mom who just needs SOMEONE!!
I also got kids who respect their parents and grandchildren who are the prize that one gets when you teach your children unconditional love.
If nothing else, it’s something to think about.

[Anonymous]

I threw up a little in my mouth. Excuse me while I rinse.

As a child, you are conditioned to love your parents. You have no choice in who your family is. As an adult, you get to choose. As an adult, I choose not to have unhealthy relationships. I couldn't care less if others judge my choice or may a different choice. If my children choose not to have a relationship with me, I would be hurt. Yet, I will respect their choice. I also have a well funded retirement account and do not expect them to take care of me. I did not have children in order to have someone to care for me in my old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I threw up a little in my mouth. Excuse me while I rinse.

As a child, you are conditioned to love your parents. You have no choice in who your family is. As an adult, you get to choose. As an adult, I choose not to have unhealthy relationships. I couldn't care less if others judge my choice or may a different choice. If my children choose not to have a relationship with me, I would be hurt. Yet, I will respect their choice. I also have a well funded retirement account and do not expect them to take care of me. I did not have children in order to have someone to care for me in my old age.

This.

OP, I am very curious why you chose to make this post. I have been fortunate enough to not have to cut off anyone in my family but I have never felt the need to seek a pat on the back for that.

Also Having good children/grandchildren is not a reward for anything you have done. It is simply a reflection on who those people are. The world is full of people who are better people than you that have children and grandchildren with all sorts of issues. I would recommend you check out the book “Far From the Tree.”

[Anonymous]

Unconditional love is a concept that is no longer understood or embraced.
Old people smell and they should be polite, and die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unconditional love is a concept that is no longer understood or embraced.
Old people smell and they should be polite, and die.

Everyone

Everyone smells sometimes. Everyone should be polite. Everyone will die eventually.

What's your point?

[Anonymous]

But she still doesn’t love you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unconditional love is a concept that is no longer understood or embraced.
Old people smell and they should be polite, and die.

Or at the very least use their free time to review comma usage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But she still doesn’t love you

I don’t love her either. Anyway, it’s not about me and it’s not about love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I threw up a little in my mouth. Excuse me while I rinse.

As a child, you are conditioned to love your parents. You have no choice in who your family is. As an adult, you get to choose. As an adult, I choose not to have unhealthy relationships. I couldn't care less if others judge my choice or may a different choice. If my children choose not to have a relationship with me, I would be hurt. Yet, I will respect their choice. I also have a well funded retirement account and do not expect them to take care of me. I did not have children in order to have someone to care for me in my old age.

Where do we start with this one. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

My children don't read DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But she still doesn’t love you

I don’t love her either. Anyway, it’s not about me and it’s not about love.

I have no idea what you're trying to convey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But she still doesn’t love you

I don’t love her either. Anyway, it’s not about me and it’s not about love.

I have no idea what you're trying to convey.

Your kids are watching your behavior. History repeats itself.
Unless your parents sexually abused you, work out your differences. Don’t raise a dysfunctional family. Break the chain of dysfunction.
The point.....your kids are watching....just like you did.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are watching. And what a lot of DCUM posters are teaching their kids is that when a relationship isn’t perfect, walk away.

That is not a lesson I want my kids to internalize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are watching. And what a lot of DCUM posters are teaching their kids is that when a relationship isn’t perfect, walk away.

That is not a lesson I want my kids to internalize.

I want my kids to know that they shouldn't be doormats. My mother was horrible to me and treated me horribly all through adulthood. So because I wasn't sexually abused I should act like that is acceptable and you allow people to treat you like this because they are family? No. I will teach my kids to advocate for themselves. Believe it or not, people don't enjoy cutting off family members-usually there is a damn good reason and it's not typically something people boast about like it was something enjoyable.

OP you sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But she still doesn’t love you

I don’t love her either. Anyway, it’s not about me and it’s not about love.

I have no idea what you're trying to convey.

Your kids are watching your behavior. History repeats itself.
Unless your parents sexually abused you, work out your differences. Don’t raise a dysfunctional family. Break the chain of dysfunction.
The point.....your kids are watching....just like you did.

I still have no idea what the bolded means. Your post doesn't clarify it and is unrelated to it. Having said that, 'sexual abuse' is only one example of dysfunction. "Breaking the chain of dysfunction" doesn't mean you have to 'work out your difference'. You lack life experience if you think people are always willing/able to self-reflect on their behavior and acknowledge fault. My father didn't sexually abuse me but he routinely engaged in toxic behaviors. He was incapable of 'working things out' and my life improved immeasurably when he was no longer in it.

I have no fears about my kids cutting me out of their lives. I'm teaching my kids not to tolerate unhealthy relationships whether that relationship is between relatives or friends. Every relationship is work to maintain but if you're better off without someone than with someone, time to cut them off. While my kids (who are teenagers) may argue and disagree, we have healthy relationships and our lives are better because of them. If, however, one of my kids decided our relationship was more harmful than healthy, I would respect their decision. When they're adults, they get to choose their family.