MIL not coming for Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

DH and I rotate who we visit with for holidays, alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year was our turn to visit with my MIL. It's just her, FIL is not in the picture and SIL lives across the country and works this year. She is a 7 hr drive for us, and we have a toddler, a dog and two cats to deal with, so we invited her to our house and offered to pay for half her plane ticket. I came to find out a couple weeks ago that she isn't coming, and since we aren't going to her, she said we will just spend the holiday apart. I was really confused because she normally jumps at the chance to visit. She flew in for 24 hrs to see DD on her bday, for example.

Anyway, now it's come out (through DH) that the reason (or at least a big part of it) is that she doesn't want to come because I'm a vegetarian and it won't be the "same" not to be able to cook a family dinner together for the holiday and I won't "let" her prep the turkey in our kitchen. I'm really offended. I was planning to order one of those precooked turkeys to have, so it's not like they weren't going to have turkey. Why would she assume SHE would be doing the prep? Why couldnt we have the turkey precooked and prep the rest of the meal together? I am vegetarian for moral reasons and I don't mind when people eat meat in the house, but I do object to a raw turkey being prepped all over the kitchen and it having to cook for hours. I don't think that's unreasonable, and I think she's being selfish choosing not to see her family and grand daughter for the holiday. In addition, DH is upset she isn't coming and annoyed at me and says it's my fault. I had no part in this conversation, only told DH I thought we could order a turkey when we discussed hosting. The rest I'm learning after the fact.

[Anonymous]

F her. You're fine.

[Anonymous]

That’s an odd stance you’ve taken - it’s ok to eat turkey so long as it wasn’t prepped “all over” the kitchen, but your MIL has blown it out of proportion. Your poor DH! Two women arguing over such silly things.

[Anonymous]

She's wrong but so are you. You should've let her cook the turkey, and she should've asked. You're both being unreasonable IMO.

[Anonymous]

MIL is completely unreasonable, but I'd be more worried about your DH problem.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a prior poster that you are both wrong. I think you should reach out to your MIL and ask if your solution would be acceptable. If not, then I would let her make the turkey since it seems to be important to her. Life is too short and family is too important to get hung up on little things like this ...

[Anonymous]

Just cook a turkey. I'm a vegetarian too but I deal with it. Not my favorite thing. Use the upside down method so no basting. Just shove some veggies in, herbs, etc. and shove in the oven. Hours later done. Not a huge difference from reheating. Reheating a turkey is gross.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're unreasonable, OP. I don't want a turkey cooked in my kitchen either. No one is saying MIL can't have turkey. DH can go have turkey that MIL cooked in her own space, if he wants.

I don't think MIL is being selfish by not visiting. Everyone makes choices, you have yours and she has hers. DH has his. I wonder what he will choose.

[Anonymous]

It's not selfish of her not to want to come.

[Anonymous]

Wow the drama queen has arise! Sounds like your MIL knows you too well. First you tell the MIL you are not coming to her house for the holiday(breaking the tradition). Second you offer to pay 1/2 of the ticket price to fly her out because...you want her to incur cost to accommodate you. Third you make up these rules about what can and can not be cooked for thanksgiving. Therefore dictating what can and can not be eaten. The MIL decides not to come and now you are offend? LOL You caused this whole thing.

[Anonymous]

You it may have nothing to do with turkey.

Op, your mil jumps at the chance to see your daughter and travels a long time to see her. When you see a radical change in someone's habits, it may be because they're depressed. She may use no turkey as an excuse b/c she doesn't realize she's depressed or doesn't want to admit that.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is trying to be in control and didn’t win. So now she’s “winning” by controlling the fact that she’s not coming. And now your husband is mad at YOU and not seeing that she’s crazy!

I don’t like the mess and prep of cooking a turkey in my house so I don’t cook one. Do people bitch on Easter if the ham came from Honeybaked? No.

Your MIL is pouting because she didn’t get her way. Good riddance. Enjoy the fact that she will be sitting alone and lamenting thoughts of YOU all day on Thursday. She only has herself to blame.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being ridiculous. Let her cook a thanksgiving turkey at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I rotate who we visit with for holidays, alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year was our turn to visit with my MIL. It's just her, FIL is not in the picture and SIL lives across the country and works this year. She is a 7 hr drive for us, and we have a toddler, a dog and two cats to deal with, so we invited her to our house and offered to pay for half her plane ticket. I came to find out a couple weeks ago that she isn't coming, and since we aren't going to her, she said we will just spend the holiday apart. I was really confused because she normally jumps at the chance to visit. She flew in for 24 hrs to see DD on her bday, for example.

Anyway, now it's come out (through DH) that the reason (or at least a big part of it) is that she doesn't want to come because I'm a vegetarian and it won't be the "same" not to be able to cook a family dinner together for the holiday and I won't "let" her prep the turkey in our kitchen. I'm really offended. I was planning to order one of those precooked turkeys to have, so it's not like they weren't going to have turkey. Why would she assume SHE would be doing the prep? Why couldnt we have the turkey precooked and prep the rest of the meal together? I am vegetarian for moral reasons and I don't mind when people eat meat in the house, but I do object to a raw turkey being prepped all over the kitchen and it having to cook for hours. I don't think that's unreasonable, and I think she's being selfish choosing not to see her family and grand daughter for the holiday. In addition, DH is upset she isn't coming and annoyed at me and says it's my fault. I had no part in this conversation, only told DH I thought we could order a turkey when we discussed hosting. The rest I'm learning after the fact.

Why is your DH annoyed at you? Cos you're vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

You both sound like teenage drama queens. And what's up with only paying half of her flight? Either pay all or don't pay... so glad I have a DD.