Divorced parents...does it get easier financially?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been separated for almost three months. We are getting a divorce to my husband cheating. My daughter and I moved into an apartment and my soon to be ex moved in with a friend. The separation has been great for my health, but it’s a financial burden. I’ve lived on my own before I had my daughter, but it’s definitely harder this time around. I feel like all of my money goes to rent and I’m stuck living paycheck to paycheck. It’s really frustrating and a part of me feels guilty because I really don’t want to be a disappointment to my daughter because of our living situation. Please tell me it gets easier!

[Anonymous]

I got a new job that paid more shortly after separating. Is that possible for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got a new job that paid more shortly after separating. Is that possible for you?

I’m working on it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a new job that paid more shortly after separating. Is that possible for you?

I’m working on it!

Good. It helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

You need a strict budget. If there's anything you can sell do it. If there's anything you can do on the side to earn some extra cash give it a try. There's really only two thing you can, which are find a higher paying job, and find a cheaper place to live.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you getting child support?

[Anonymous]

This is one of those questions that is hard to generalize. I find that I'm better off now in some ways, particularly the short term. My ex had expensive tastes, so my discretionary spending is a fraction of what it was. I put more in savings now than we did as a couple. But, couple with that, I had to refinance my mortgage to buy him out, so instead of having 10 years left, I have 20 years left and less equity. And of course, I'll have only one retirement account to live on (unless I remarry or something).

But more directly, I think things did feel a lot more settled once we had a mediated agreement done and I knew exactly what to expect for support, etc. Knowing exactly what my income would be really helped me set up a budget and have a longterm plan for savings.

[Anonymous]

I don't get child support and it was really hard at first. I chose to live in a cheap area that most DCUMs would not consider, I don't have a car. However, a year after my divorce I got a big raise. I save money every month and three years after the divorce have more in savings than I did when I was married. I definitely have had to make material sacrifices, but I can also be more fiscally responsible. You can get there!

[Anonymous]

You are paying for life with a single salary instead of two salaries. You will have to pay for housing, regular expenses, college (your half), retirement, on your own. If you get a really well paid job it will be easier. If you get remarried it will be easier. Otherwise no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You are paying for life with a single salary instead of two salaries. You will have to pay for housing, regular expenses, college (your half), retirement, on your own. If you get a really well paid job it will be easier. If you get remarried it will be easier. Otherwise no.

But don't get remarried just to make things financially easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been separated for almost three months. We are getting a divorce to my husband cheating. My daughter and I moved into an apartment and my soon to be ex moved in with a friend. The separation has been great for my health, but it’s a financial burden. I’ve lived on my own before I had my daughter, but it’s definitely harder this time around. I feel like all of my money goes to rent and I’m stuck living paycheck to paycheck. It’s really frustrating and a part of me feels guilty because I really don’t want to be a disappointment to my daughter because of our living situation. Please tell me it gets easier!

Are you getting child support? That's step 1. It won't completely solve the problem, but your ex needs to provide money plus pay for their fair share of childcare expenses.

Then you need a really good budget based on what you have (I like YNAB's system), and not based on what you used to spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t want to be a disappointment to my daughter because of our living situation.

MIL raised my DH as a single mom in small apartments. She's not a disappointment to him. In fact, he admires all the sacrifices she made for him.

[Anonymous]

It only got easier after I remarried. My X pays roughly $1200 a year in CS and even at $100/mo, it’s typically late.

I have to provide for DC’s needs whether or not CS funds are available.

My DH bought my DC a winter coat before we were even engaged because I needed one, too and he knew I wouldn’t —couldn’t accept his gift of a coat for myself when my child didn’t have one that fit. At that point, my X was two months in arears, but had just bought himself a new iPhone.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. Divorce is hard in many ways. I’ve been divorced for 3 years and my ex has never paid child support but I did get him to pay for some specific things for our son. For example, he put him on his health insurance and paid for after school program, which helped me out a lot. I also got a better paying job too. I don’t feel that I’m any worse off financially than I was before the divorce. Have you considered a roommate? Stay encouraged and be aware of other opportunities.