the Geek factor

[Anonymous]

There has been a lot of DCUM discussion recently on the use of merit scholorships, test scores, math, etc to define the top private school programs.

Raises a few questions for me:

1. At those schools with these huger academic numbers, is there a much huger "geek" factor? In other words, would a higher pecentage of the students be labeled a "nerd" at a typical public school.

2. If so, would I be willing to trade off some of the focus on academics in order to give my kid a more balanced experience that includes a significant focus on extra curricular activities like sports?

3. Given that in real life, social skills and the ability to influence others is so important - should I not place a real emphasis on helping my kid be "cool". And does being cool help build confidence that is also so important later in life.

4. Assuming I agree with the above, which privates in the metro DC area would be a good fit for helping my kid be well balanced, confident, and cool?

[Anonymous]

Not to worry ... the privates are lousy with "cool" kids, particularly since the pathway to cooldom is often greased by the affluence needed to wear the necessary trendy clothing, own all the de rigeur toys, and be enrolled in the coolest of extracurriculars. Geeks are really few and far between ... those high test scores are more a symptom of solid education, small class size, access to tutoring the instant it is deemed to be needed, test prep classes, good genetics and role modeling from parents, and so forth.

And in defense of geeks, they are often far more well rounded than given credit ... it's just that their choice of extracurriculars are different than those of other kids. Dungeons and Dragons, violin and tuba lessons, model training, chess, reading classics for pleasure, tramping around the woods graphing bugs .... you get the picture!!! If this picture scares you, then steer clear of TJ, Montgomery Blair, etc.

[Anonymous]

One thing that you do as a parent is help define what your kid is like, and what s/he values. One of the first things I heard from a friend when we started thinking about kids was "I hope my kid is a nerd - they are less likely to get into drugs and waste their time on [whatever the Facebook equivalent was at the time]." If nerds/geeks give you the heebee jeebies, by all means stay clear of them. But I'd encourage OP not to discriminate against nerds/geeks and especially not to pass those views to your kids. The world needs a lot of smart people interested in things other than coolness and the latest trends. I hope my geeky kids will contribute in a positive way.

[Anonymous]

If you have to ask . . . There's no way to teach a child to be "cool." "Cool" tends to come with a certain breezy self confidence that I don't think can be taught. And definitely not by a parent!

[Anonymous]

And we all know that cool also be a pose, a compensation for insecurities!

[Anonymous]

The cool kids in my high school turned out to be losers. The nerds come back to the reunions with good jobs and pretty wives. Tell your kid to hit the books.

[Anonymous]

What do you call the geeky guy playing D&D twenty years later? Boss.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry -- there's almost no chance your kids will turn out to be nerds, LOL!

[Anonymous]

You are showing your age -- geeks are the new cool.

[Anonymous]

According to my kids, "nerds" are cool but geeks are more on the weirder end of the spectrum. They are proud to be "nerds".

[Anonymous]

OP, are your for real, or is this post a joke? Frankly, I teach my children to be themselves and not to care what their classmates think of them...to be self-confident leaders. Haven't you heard that it's "cool" to be smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your for real, or is this post a joke? Frankly, I teach my children to be themselves and not to care what their classmates think of them...to be self-confident leaders. Haven't you heard that it's "cool" to be smart?

A question: how do you balance teaching your kids to be (a) self-confident leaders, and (b) smart in a "cool" way, with what seems to be an obvious contradiction, i.e. your insistence that you're letting them "be themselves". If nothing else, there seems to be obvious parental pressure (from you) for them to succeed as "leaders" (by their classmates' standards).

Or are you pulling our legs, and your own post is a riff on the self-righteous parent who thinks she has all the answers?

[Anonymous]

I think OP's post is a reminder that we all want to control how our children will turn out and part of the development process for us as much as for them is learning that ultimately a lot of things are out of our hands.

From the parent of a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Methinks there are a lot of people on DCUM who were not cool in high school.

[Anonymous]

I think 99.9% of us, OP included, sincerely want to raise well-balanced kids who love academics and are also "cool". The problem, obviously, is how to do this. School environment is one factor, parents are another (and people who say it's 100% school or 100% parents are going against a mass of literature on the subject).

From our experience with private schools, even classes within a school will vary greatly from year to year. Some schools like Bullis do have a reputation for athletics, and this undoubtedly attracts athletic kids. But for the great mass of private schools, the composition of the class itself will be determinative. Schools that are competitive in all senses -- athletic, academic and social -- can be quite stressful, and aren't for every kid.

That said, platitudes like the ones in post 5:32 aren't really helpful, just annoying....