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I feel absolutely horrible! Please tell me what you think
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Anonymous
| We were just at my husband's work picnic at a pavillion (there were about 50 people there) and I saw 2 boys who I hadn't seen before walk up and take ice cream out of the cooler. They happen to be AA which is not an issue at all for me. I just hadn't seen them before and said "this is a private party"-there mom was over on the other side of the pavillion and I just didn't realize they were a part of the party. When I walked by the mom, she said didn't you know those were my sons? I said no I am sorry I didn't. I went over a few minutes later and apologized to the boys and the mother. I feel awful. |
Anonymous
| Take the race test at https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/Study?tid=-1 |
Anonymous
| OP here-I swear I am not racist, I just saw them walking up randomly-I am too embarrassed to tell my husband. |
Anonymous
| The test tests for subconscious beliefs or thoughts that may influence your interaction with people of different races, not that you are racist. |
Anonymous
| but I just feel like a horribly rude, terrible person |
Anonymous
What did the test say? Poor children - must be horribe to grow up dealing with this kind of implicit racism. Not saying you ARE racist |
Anonymous
| the link doesn't work |
Anonymous
| I'm not quick to break out the racist word but I will say that this is why stereotypes are not your friend. You obviously were on your guard a bit more when you noticed they both were black or you wouldn't have even noticed them. I don't agree with it, but this is why a lot of black people walk around with the proverbial chip on their shoulder. I probably wouldn't have jumped to that conclusion if I were that mom (and we don;t know exactly what she was thinking) but I often feel this way when I walk into certain stores and people automatically assume I work there. This happens more than I care to admit. |
Anonymous
| OP here-I need some therapy-someone please tell me if what I did was absolutely awful? Should I tell my husband? I am so embarrassed. |
Anonymous
Try this https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/ and click through to the test (Demonstration, Go to the Demonstration Tests, I wish to proceed, Race IAT) |
Anonymous
I thought you meant they were Administrative Assistants at your husband's job, so does that mean I pass the race test? AA means black? Anyway, OP, I don't think it's the worst example of someone putting their foot in their mouth I have ever witnessed. Tell your husband, though, since it's his job. Just say, "I can't stop feeling like an ass about something I said at your work picnic..." |
Anonymous
| Chalk it up to experience and learn from it. If there's a next time, spend a little more time observing. |
Anonymous
| OK, you put your foot in your mouth - it can't be undone. We all have moments that we wish we could undo. But you do need to tell your DH. The woman could intentionally or unintentially treat him differently and he needs to know why. |
Anonymous
| I don't think the problem is of race. The problem is of you butting you head into something that wasn't your business because I have a feeling you would have said the "it's a private party line" to any kids that you didn't recognize at the party. Remember it was your husband's party so why you thought you should be a party monitor is the problem. I am sure there was someone organizing the party from his work and they should be overseeing this kind of stuff. You were there as a guest and acting in a controlling manner. This is what you need to look at. |
Anonymous
| OP here-interesting I am kind of a control freak...probably had something to do with it. |