He lied

[Anonymous]

I need opinions. I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 yrs. We got engaged in February. We've been slowly transitioning to him moving into my house, it's bigger and better location. From day one he had told me that he owns his house, it's a 2 family house, a tenant upstairs. Well, via a conversation with his mom at dinner last night I found out that he is renting it, doesn't own it, never owned it, has always been the renter. I'm not mad about that, who cares. Tons of people rent. What bothers me is ALL the conversations we've had about him owning his house, how much he owes, how much he could sell it for, how much he gets for rent from the upstairs tenant, how much he could get for renting out his downstairs...so many conversations. Trying to figure out what to do. He would even say he was going to check on a leak the tenant contacted him about. WHERE WAS HE REALLY GOING?? He never once said, "hey, I don't own it".... We're engaged and supposed to get married in 5 months. I feel like this is big. Why lie? What else could he be lying about? Please talk me off the ledge, I'm angry/sad/disappointed. Not sure if what I feel is valid.

[Anonymous]

If he misrepresented this aspect of his financials, you can believe he has money issues.

[Anonymous]

First of all, maybe his Mom doesn't know for whatever reason. Sit down and have a conversation.

If A) his Mom doesn't know - why? Lying to a parent is a red flag, that means they could lie to you too. Ask to see the mortgage statement or even look up online the owner of the house (possible with Fairfax County)

If B) he doesn't own, dump him and run. NO WAY lying about that won't translate into all sorts of other things (credit card debt etc).

[Anonymous]

Postpone the wedding until you have very big conversation. Maybe the lie got the better of him and he kept it up to save face because he was embarrassed, but he does need to come clean now.

I'd be okay with just the lie, but the fact that he fabricated so much round it is the troubling part. You deserve a clear answer.

And maybe counselling before you proceed forward again.

[Anonymous]

So did you have a conversation with him about this?

Or did you just take what mom said and run with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, maybe his Mom doesn't know for whatever reason. Sit down and have a conversation.

If A) his Mom doesn't know - why? Lying to a parent is a red flag, that means they could lie to you too. Ask to see the mortgage statement or even look up online the owner of the house (possible with Fairfax County)

If B) he doesn't own, dump him and run. NO WAY lying about that won't translate into all sorts of other things (credit card debt etc).

His mom knew he was a renter, she even knows his landlord. Seems that I'm the only person he lied about this to. After dinner I looked it up on line and confronted him with the print out. That's when he actually admitted that he lied to me about all of it. We had even talked about selling both our places and using the money to buy a new place. We had MANY conversations where he could have stopped this, vs making up stiff.

[Anonymous]

You cannot marry this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So did you have a conversation with him about this?

Or did you just take what mom said and run with it?

I didn't say anything until we were back at my place alone. I said "who''s Dave and why did your mom ask if he had it rented out when you ended your lease". He admitted to it then.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. How disappointing. I hope you can talk and better u derstnad why he lied. Maybe go see a counselor.

[Anonymous]

This a HUGE red flag

[Anonymous]

That's beyond weird, especially that you two were talking about selling it in the future and he never said anything. I wouldn't marry him, he will lie to you in the future

[Anonymous]

Wow. That to me is a scary amount of deception. How can you trust anything he ever says now or in the future if he builds and sustains such an extensive and unnecessary web of lies? I would definitely postpone the weddng and keep the relationship on probationary status until he maintains a clean record of honesty and openness for a long time. Or just leave now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So did you have a conversation with him about this?

Or did you just take what mom said and run with it?

I didn't say anything until we were back at my place alone. I said "who''s Dave and why did your mom ask if he had it rented out when you ended your lease". He admitted to it then.

Has he ever lied about anything else? College he attended or his job or anything like that? It sounds like he may have very low self esteem and perhaps was intimidated that you own your own place yet he is a renter. I can't tell you what to do, but in my experience this is a very bad sign that does not bode well for a future with him. Very sorry OP, but glad that you are not making excuses for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's beyond weird, especially that you two were talking about selling it in the future and he never said anything. I wouldn't marry him, he will lie to you in the future

He said that he wanted to wait and sell it next spring, but wanted to use some of the profit to pay down student loans. All lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This a HUGE red flag

Red flags cannot get any bigger.