Husband is not interested in being an uncle ... ?

[Anonymous]

I have an almost one-year old baby niece who I adore. However, DH couldn't care less about her. He doesn't hold her or hug her when near her. He got mad at me the other day while we were out shopping at Macy's and I put a onesie at the register for her when he was paying. My family is very important to me and I'm very close with them, I see my family probably 2-3 times a week and talk to them often on the phone. When I show him pictures of her he may smile but doesn't really seem to care. DH comes over to my parents house maybe once a week and seems to enjoy himself but he doesn't seem to get nearly as excited as I do ...

I honestly feel embarrassed when i'm holding my niece and DH just kind of looks the other way, he makes excuses for not wanting to hold her. Is there any way to make him more engaged? I feel as if he's coming off as rude to my family.

We don't have kids yet. I've asked him about it and got upset because I felt like he just didn't care about my family. He said he would be more interested in his own children - not other peoples. I don't know if this is acceptable to me or not ...

[Anonymous]

Maybe he just doesn't like kids. I love my own kids but could care less (in general) about other kids. Guys aren't into kids as much as women.

[Anonymous]

Some men aren't into babies. Some men aren't into other people's babies.

Honestly, I think you're spending more time with your family than I would be comfortable with if I were married to you.

[Anonymous]

I feel like he is like most people. Your kids are so much more interesting than other people's kids.

[Anonymous]

That doesn't sound like such a big deal to me. As PP said, some people just aren't into kids.

I had never even held a baby until the doctor handed me my newborn

- signed a lady who never liked kids until she had one of her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men aren't into babies. Some men aren't into other people's babies.

Honestly, I think you're spending more time with your family than I would be comfortable with if I were married to you.

Why is spending time with family an issue?

[Anonymous]

I'd think long and hard before having a child with this man, OP. My father wasn't into spending much time with children before his own but he always was kind and positive when interacting with them. Your DH is critical and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I was uncomfortable around babies until we had some of our own. Didn't know what to do, and didn't want to break them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men aren't into babies. Some men aren't into other people's babies.

Honestly, I think you're spending more time with your family than I would be comfortable with if I were married to you.

Why is spending time with family an issue?

You have a jealous spouse, OP. He will try to isolate you and your children from others. Not a good sign for future happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men aren't into babies. Some men aren't into other people's babies.

Honestly, I think you're spending more time with your family than I would be comfortable with if I were married to you.

Why is spending time with family an issue?

Not the PP but you spend time with your family 2-3 times per week and he already spends time with them weekly. That is a lot. Not everyone wants that level of interaction and I don't get the sense you ever asked him what he is comfortable with. How much does he see his family and how much do you see them? You may have different expectations. I also wouldn't be surprised - speculating here - that once you do have kids, he will want to limit how much your family is involved in your day-to-day lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men aren't into babies. Some men aren't into other people's babies.

Honestly, I think you're spending more time with your family than I would be comfortable with if I were married to you.

Why is spending time with family an issue?

You have a jealous spouse, OP. He will try to isolate you and your children from others. Not a good sign for future happiness.

Someone is projecting

[Anonymous]

This is really weird. You see your family way too much. Why aren't you having your own kids if you want them so much? I have a friend who does this and it's awful. She literally throws her dh on my baby and forces him to change diapers and hold her. She talks all the time about how he needs to "learn".

DH is an amazing dad but had never held a baby before his own. He thinks she's the cutest baby but doesn't like other babies.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you are really high maintenance. Why do you expect your DH to be into someone else's kid and not even from his side of the family? Don't expect him to hold her. Don't show him photos of her if it's going to bother you that he doesn't really care. Don't expect him to "get nearly as excited as [you] do" when visiting YOUR family. Geez, are you for real?!?

I never felt comfortable holding someone else's baby until I had my own. I held my nephew all of twice (we live in different states, though) and a friend's baby once when I was pregnant, those were the only times pre-DD. I think DH told me he never held a baby until DD. I don't think he's held any baby other than DD since.

You really need to learn to respect your DH's boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men aren't into babies. Some men aren't into other people's babies.

Honestly, I think you're spending more time with your family than I would be comfortable with if I were married to you.

Why is spending time with family an issue?

Not the PP but you spend time with your family 2-3 times per week and he already spends time with them weekly. That is a lot. Not everyone wants that level of interaction and I don't get the sense you ever asked him what he is comfortable with. How much does he see his family and how much do you see them? You may have different expectations. I also wouldn't be surprised - speculating here - that once you do have kids, he will want to limit how much your family is involved in your day-to-day lives.

Honestly, I agree. That's a lot of time with your family, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men aren't into babies. Some men aren't into other people's babies.

Honestly, I think you're spending more time with your family than I would be comfortable with if I were married to you.

Why is spending time with family an issue?

NP. Spending time with family is not an issue. The amount that you spend with them is the issue. You are part of a new family, one you are building with you husband. Many people, even people who live near their family of origin often don't see their family more than once/week once they marry. It's fine if your spouse is comfortable with the arrangement, but it seems like he is not. I personally have no problem with my in-laws and get along with them well. But even if we lived nearby, I don't think I'd be spending more than once a week with them. I'd want to do things with my wife without her family around.

Some people are more comfortable with more contact with in-laws. Some with less. It sounds like you are overwhelming your spouse with your family. I'm sorry that this didn't come out before you got married. I can tell you that if you had this type of relationship and we dated, it probably would have been a deal-breaker. I'm quite glad that both of our families live some distance away. It's easier to schedule when we'll see each other than have a constant interaction with either side (my extended family included).

Another issue, regarding your niece, many guys are not much interested in kids until they get to be at least toddler/preschool age. Frankly, under 18 months doesn't appeal to most guys. So, once your niece grows a little, is running around and can handle "play" better, your husband may not warm to her.