inappropriate discipline at daycare

[Anonymous]

What would you do if you were me?

I picked up my child yesterday, and the teacher told me that he had been very bad that day - he's 2 and he had hit his friends three times. She told me that she was worried that he was going to teach all of the other children this bad behavior, and she asked me what we were doing about it, seeming to insinuate that we were the cause of his badness.

I was baffled that she was so upset by normal toddler behavior and that she didn't have tools for dealing with it - I told her that we tell him "no hitting, gentle touches" and that we put him in time out, but that he doesn't really stay.

The teacher told me that he will stay in time out for her, because she buckles him into his chair.

I plan on addressing this with her today, but do you think that I should tell the director that she's restraining my child as a form of disipline? Am I over-reacting? I don't want to see her fired, but I do want to see her learn how to appropriately discipline children.

I am very happy with this center and have been here for quite some time (second child in the program)
TIA

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but she needs to be fired or attend more training. Restraining children is forbidden. And it also sounds like she has anger issues and needs some training on discipline. If you don't want to see her fired then I suggest that you demand of the center director that this teacher attend a discipline class before she works another day.

You are very sweet to even consider that you might be overreacting but I am telling you that you are NOT! I would be livid!

I'll also tell you as a foster parent that the use of the word "bad" has sent many a biological parent back to parenting classes here in Fairfax County. You simply don't tell kids that they are "bad". That is not okay.

[Anonymous]

I also wanted to add, that at 2 years old redirection to another activity works much better than time out. Explain that hitting hurts, give the attention to the child that he hit with hugs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Thanks --- it just took me a while to process what she told me. I was so taken aback by her confrontational manner and by the sense that she felt that his behavior was bad (she didn't use the word) and abnormal somehow that it took me a while to really understand that she had put him in time out and buckled him into the chair. The more I thought about the how interaction, the madder I got.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you and please come back and let us know how it all works out.

[Anonymous]

Your child should NOT be restrained this way at daycare. It is very inappropriate.

I wouldn't have a problem with them "making" your child stay by repeatedly guiding him to the time out spot when he moves away from it, but certainly not restraining him! He also shouldn't really be in time out for more than like a 1-2 minutes at this age.

I'd talk to the director about this, it seems really wrong to me.

[Anonymous]

Oh I would be furious. You are NOT over-reacting.

[Anonymous]

Check out the legality of use of restraint. I am a preschool special educator, and the use of restraints such as these is forbidden without special consideration and permission from parents.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry that this happened to your DC.

I would find out if they were licensed, and by whom. I would then report them to the appropriate licensing board. It is NEVER ok to restrain a child for punishment. I would also start looking for a new daycare arrangement,and talk to the director of the center to see if she was aware of this method of discipline. If the teacher wasn't suspended or fired, I would pull my child out. If the caregivers and environment are otherwise good, this was truly just an aberration, and the teacher was disciplined, then I might consider leaving my child there.

[Anonymous]

wow - go to the director, and if it isn't handled IMMEDIATELY, go to licensing. This is completely inappropriate - from the use of "bad" to not understanding the developmental issues around hitting, to (most terrible), buckling the child into a seat. Holy crap. In most daycares that would qualify for immediate termination.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely uncalled for. In fact, at NAEYC accredited centers, they aren't even allowed to use a time out, much less restrain a child. Talk to the director immediately.

[Anonymous]

His behavior is bad but restraining him is worse. I would pull my child out of that daycare immediately and threaten to sue if they did not return my deposit in full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow - go to the director, and if it isn't handled IMMEDIATELY, go to licensing. This is completely inappropriate - from the use of "bad" to not understanding the developmental issues around hitting, to (most terrible), buckling the child into a seat. Holy crap. In most daycares that would qualify for immediate termination.

ITA. I also agree with the PP that highlighted NAEYC's requirements to not use time out.

[Anonymous]

If that's the type of discipline she tells you about using, imagine the type she doesn't tell you about. As a previous daycare worker, I knew teachers who used to pinch the kids under their arms bc if it left a mark the parents were unlikely to find it AND it would be hard to explain and so no one would expect a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If that's the type of discipline she tells you about using, imagine the type she doesn't tell you about. As a previous daycare worker, I knew teachers who used to pinch the kids under their arms bc if it left a mark the parents were unlikely to find it AND it would be hard to explain and so no one would expect a teacher.

Oh my God. That is HORRIBLE. No wonder parents don't want to leave their kids with us.