When did you know it was time for a divorce?
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Anonymous
| Seriously thinking about divorce after being married for 5 years, 4 of those years being miserable. I keep thinking the grass will not be greener on the other side so I'm scared. Husband is a good enough guy, no cheating, dedicated to raising our son but I'm just miserable. I should probably add that I'm the sole provider (not by choice haha) and have been for awhile now, so I don't know how this whole child support/alimony thing will work. I think he will try to get full custody. Any advice? Also, for people that have been through a divorce, when did you know it was time? Do you regret your decision? |
Anonymous
| Does he do most of the chores in the house? How about with your son? I'm a single mom of one boy and it's hard as hell. Yes, you will have to pay him alimony and most likely child support. |
Anonymous
| When I saw my son watching us fight and realized how terrified he was, and that he had that look on his face almost any time we were both home at the same time. |
Anonymous
Yes, my story is similar - my ex had a terrible temper and the kids were a mess. Three years later, they are much happier. |
Anonymous
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When my health began to deteriorate because of the stress. I lost weight, anxiety, depression, needed operations, got ulcers, etc. -- it all stopped when I had a separation and everyones lives (except his) improved. My child is very young, and 1.5 years out the road out was not nearly difficult as staying in dangerous territory. Only you can discern.
In my reasoning, if I could not be a healthy person, I could give nothing as a healthy parent, or spouse. If he directly affected the environment for that, and after years of being unable to work or improve through counseling, church, unconditional sacrifice, etc - I realized I needed to go. I knew it was time when I became unhealthy - when the fear of my life and wellbeing was greater than the fear of consequences of divorce (good thread, look it up), I amicably ended it (with a narcissist). |
Anonymous
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so you basically want to quit your marriage because you are "miserable" time to work on things, sounds like you are just a spoiled brat who has never had to work for much in life.
I wold love to have a husband who did as much as yours. |
Anonymous
What? Her husband does not have a job. |
Anonymous
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I just had a moment when I realized the marriage was going to end in divorce eventually. Maybe 3 years, maybe 5 years, maybe 10 years, but I just knew it wasn't going to go the distance. And once I came to that realization, and that the other side of the marriage represented "relief" to me, I decided to get the rest of my life started as soon as possible. |
Anonymous
OP here. You can have him. I said he's a good enough guy. He's a SAHD (his choice, not mine...long story) and our son is in preschool now, but for some reason he can't find the time cook/clean/do laundry ever, so when I get home from a long day at work, I have to do all the chores plus take care of our son. I've tried talking to him about this but he gets really defensive and says he's doing the best he can. He says he needs his unwind time, so he meets up with his friends frequently on the weekends leaving me home alone with our son. He's a nice guy or maybe I'm too nice. I don't know. I'm just miserable and very tired. So if that makes me a spoiled brat, then ok. |
Anonymous
| Just something to think about OP. Your husband will likely remarry before you, (men really don't like to be alone after being married), and he sounds like he wants a woman who will provide for him. So imagine having another woman raising your son. especially with your son being so young he would likely form a real bond with his stepmom. that alone would motivate me to try and make a marriage work. |
Anonymous
He sounds like half of the SAHM's on DCUM. Equality is just great, isn't it? |
Anonymous
| OP - imagine having another woman raise yiur son. But, don't live in FEAR of it. I am so tired of people giving advice for others that they have never met to make fear based decisions. You don't know what type of future you will have, unless you work to create it. Positive people generally have positive outcomes, and negative people negative ones. Just something else to think about. |
Anonymous
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to answer your question:
when I realized that the memories she had of us were not of the two of us but of her and her AP. oh, and when I found her in our house with another man's dick inside of her. |
Anonymous
| Easy answer, when my neighbor found my ex in bed with her husband. Things weren't going well between us and it turned out she had been banging this guy for a year. She begged for forgiveness and I'm darn sure it was only because of a pre-nup that would completely change her lifestyle. And it did! Fortunately there were no children involved. I made a much better choice the second time around and have been happily married for 12 years. |
Anonymous
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I knew it was time when my son started full-time school. My husband had been chronically unemployed and became a SAHD by default. My countdown started once our son was in school and husband still couldn't find the time to look for a job. I just lost so much respect for him over the years that he could have gotten a great job right then and I wouldn't wanted to make it work.
Once son was in school I didn't have to worry as much about paying for childcare. |