Someone created a negative site about me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few years ago, I messed up badly at a job. I was young and dumb, and I made mistakes. The employer turned out to be a really vengeful person. She blasted what I did all over the internet and actually wrote a blog post about it. She also included screenshots of some text messages that we exchanged. My name is distinctive and that website is the first result in any google search about me. I have no proof, but I think it is costing me jobs.

What can I do? I have thought about suing her for defamation, but she has proof of everything she says. She also has a lot more money than me and hates me enough to fight it out in court. She refuses to take the website down.

Previous advice to create a site about her is spot on. You need negotiating leverage and that site is it.

People love a comeback story and they'll love your site.

If you don't write persuasively, hire someone on a task website to ghost write for you.

You want people reading your website to have the same reaction that just about everyone on this thread did: the old boss is off her rocker and has gone too far.

You can choose different narratives: the web site can be in the third person (never mind that most people will assume it's you). Or it can be you "telling your story". If the former, you can use a service that will register and maintain the web site anonymously, so she'll never know it's you. This will give you big leverage if she wants it taken down - she may think you have $$ money backing you from one of her other enemies. Let her own paranoia work to your advantage here. If the latter, just tell your story -it sounds persuasive and at least people doing the google search will get both sides.

That's exactly what she should do. Except I wouldn't give details of "her side". More like comments alluding to her odd behavior. "Gee I hope this lady is ok"."I hope she's not stalking her ex employees etc." Keep it vague, anonymous, but when people find OP's site they will also get that one too.

The last thing OP wants to do is contact her, or have any communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many insane suggestions on this thread.

Here's the one you should take: Hire a reputation defender type company to bury it in the Google Results.

Here are the ones you should DEFINITELY ignore:
1. Starting a site about her.
2. Engage with her legally.
3. Change your name (wtf???)
4. Put any communication with her in writing, like an apology letter. No. Someone this psycho will use it against you.

That's the easiest if it will work.
Using her middle name until she get's a job isn't a bad idea.
If the above aren't helpful she could find out about a cease and desist letter.
No communication with psycho.
I like the website idea as long as she remains anonymous. And only if the above don't work.
Most of all she's allowing her too much space in her head.

[Anonymous]

OP says her bad actions INVOLVED HER EMPLOYER'S KIDS.

In what way, OP? Did you knowingly give a peanut to one of her kids with an anaphylactic reaction to nuts? That would be really unforgivable. Leave them unattended, or with your boyfriend? Drive without seatbelts? Forget them somewhere? The baby fell and hit his head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP says her bad actions INVOLVED HER EMPLOYER'S KIDS.

In what way, OP? Did you knowingly give a peanut to one of her kids with an anaphylactic reaction to nuts? That would be really unforgivable. Leave them unattended, or with your boyfriend? Drive without seatbelts? Forget them somewhere? The baby fell and hit his head?

OP, I think you could give some details about what you did without revealing yourself. Did your actions cause harm (physical or emotional)or potential harm to her children?

[Anonymous]

Change your name even if its just slightly different spelling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few years ago, I messed up badly at a job. I was young and dumb, and I made mistakes. The employer turned out to be a really vengeful person. She blasted what I did all over the internet and actually wrote a blog post about it. She also included screenshots of some text messages that we exchanged. My name is distinctive and that website is the first result in any google search about me. I have no proof, but I think it is costing me jobs.

What can I do? I have thought about suing her for defamation, but she has proof of everything she says. She also has a lot more money than me and hates me enough to fight it out in court. She refuses to take the website down.

Previous advice to create a site about her is spot on. You need negotiating leverage and that site is it.

People love a comeback story and they'll love your site.

If you don't write persuasively, hire someone on a task website to ghost write for you.

You want people reading your website to have the same reaction that just about everyone on this thread did: the old boss is off her rocker and has gone too far.

You can choose different narratives: the web site can be in the third person (never mind that most people will assume it's you). Or it can be you "telling your story". If the former, you can use a service that will register and maintain the web site anonymously, so she'll never know it's you. This will give you big leverage if she wants it taken down - she may think you have $$ money backing you from one of her other enemies. Let her own paranoia work to your advantage here. If the latter, just tell your story -it sounds persuasive and at least people doing the google search will get both sides.

20:44 here again. Here's a sample of how it might read:

I remember June 13, 2012 like it was yesterday. I was twenty-two, just out of college and ecstatic I had finally landed my first real job. The job, although not much by Washington DC's high-achiever standards, meant a lot to me. It was the culmination of years of holding down multiple minimum wage jobs to work my way through school while completing my major in International Relations at DC State University.

I would start the next Monday as a latte procurement specialist with the firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. The role was my entree into professional life and the career path I had been dreamed of since taking my first "Using Governments to Extract Excess Rents" course sophomore year.
[If you have any documentation, like an offer letter or congrats email, post an image].

Although I was excited, I was also nervous. Tens of thousands of dollars in student debt, a tough job market and several skeptical family members had been weighing on me during the job search. As spring wore on without an offer I made a terrible decision late one night while staring at my computer screen. In order to burnish my application to Dewey and improve my chances, I impulsively altered my experience. Gone was the Solar City gig at Home Depot, replaced by an internship with Meryl Streep's renowned anti-harrassement non-profit that I had never actually had. It was made up. It was also so impressive and above reproach, I have no debt it helped me clinch the job.

So as my first week at Dewey wore on, I was less nervous about the [be very specific here] one made up internship on my resume than whether or not the actual lack of experience would begin to show. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for that to happen.

The story needs to gradually transition to how crazy she is, how poorly she treated you (if true).
Keep the theme the same ("your mistake"), but pepper it with truthful anecdotes about working there.
Then transition to the crazy website website
finish with some nice generalities about young people learning from mistakes and how social media and internet rob todays youth of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not change your name and silly stuff like that. Go to a legal aide, pay a small fee so have a letter sent to her home address. We did that once and they backed off. Make sure it spells out you will seek legal action and damages if she doesn't take the website down.

What she is doing is illegal.

Whether it's illegal or not, you can still send a cease and desist, and say you are going to sue. Anyone can sue - it doesn't mean you will win. And she will really come across as a terrible person if this goes to trial - can you imagine being a powerful person who ruins a person's life because they messed up when they were young? That would not play well. She wouldn't want that in her google results.

I am going to assume here that you did fairly minor messing up stuff and didn't, like, get drunk and kill her dog.

Assuming all this is true - do you know why she is still so angry with you, and determined to ruin your reputation? Did you do something so bad that it could never be forgiven? Might it be worth asking her what you can do to get her to take down the site?

[Anonymous]

Do not act in revenge, you will only compound your youthful errors.

Do talk to a lawyer. What she is doing may not be defamation, but it is possibility tortious interference with potential economic advantage and cyber bullying, possibly also intentional infliction of emotional distress and other torts. No one can tell you for sure via internet, but she may be causing you harm and her behavior is beyond the realm of what a normal former employer would do under the circumstances. That is enough for legal aid to send her a nastygram. Cyber law is brand new and evolving - - new torts arise as people find new ways to weaponize the internet.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you sound like a real piece of work. You lie in order to get a job, mess up badly in the job, make a bunch of trouble when she fires you, the issues involve her children, she's simply reporting the truth to try to warn other people about your character so they don't make the same mistake, and.... you're looking for sympathy from us? Seriously? You know this is a parenting website, right?

It sounds like what she's doing is giving you an honest review, and making it public. She is absolutely allowed to do that. She's actually allowed to do that even WITHOUT proof, if she prefaces the thing saying it's her experience and her opinion and has any reasonable reasons to write what she wrote. But with proof? And now you're seriously thinking about trying to make up some random lies about her to try to coerce her into taking down her TRUTHFUL account of her experience with your services? That will be the next thing on her page about you, and I'm sure employers will love to read about that latest installment in your lack of personal character.

There's nothing you can do. Nothing. Except maybe try to use the experience to be a better person. Maybe one day in a few years when you've genuinely changed, you can write her a heartfelt apology. And maybe she'll take pity on you and take it down. But newsflash: you're a long way from that point, since there's no actual remorse from your side at all and only vile entitlement.

SHM.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like what goes around comes around, OP.

[Anonymous]

Something similar happened to a family member who was stalked by a crazy homeless guy. The web hosting service took it down because it violated their policy. But he put it up on a Google based blog and they wouldn't take it down because it's didn't violate their terms. Google said 'call the police'. The police said 'call Google'.

You should contact a lawyer who is up on Internet laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you sound like a real piece of work. You lie in order to get a job, mess up badly in the job, make a bunch of trouble when she fires you, the issues involve her children, she's simply reporting the truth to try to warn other people about your character so they don't make the same mistake, and.... you're looking for sympathy from us? Seriously? You know this is a parenting website, right?

It sounds like what she's doing is giving you an honest review, and making it public. She is absolutely allowed to do that. She's actually allowed to do that even WITHOUT proof, if she prefaces the thing saying it's her experience and her opinion and has any reasonable reasons to write what she wrote. But with proof? And now you're seriously thinking about trying to make up some random lies about her to try to coerce her into taking down her TRUTHFUL account of her experience with your services? That will be the next thing on her page about you, and I'm sure employers will love to read about that latest installment in your lack of personal character.

There's nothing you can do. Nothing. Except maybe try to use the experience to be a better person. Maybe one day in a few years when you've genuinely changed, you can write her a heartfelt apology. And maybe she'll take pity on you and take it down. But newsflash: you're a long way from that point, since there's no actual remorse from your side at all and only vile entitlement.

SHM.

I disagree with this advice. People get sued all the time for internet reviews. People who are passive aggressive and leave 'flaming' reviews to extract a pound of flesh are risking getting sued or WORSE. There have been some incidents in which people have hunted the 'reviewer' down for payback. People should think twice before reaming someone out for revenge, turn about is fair play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you sound like a real piece of work. You lie in order to get a job, mess up badly in the job, make a bunch of trouble when she fires you, the issues involve her children, she's simply reporting the truth to try to warn other people about your character so they don't make the same mistake, and.... you're looking for sympathy from us? Seriously? You know this is a parenting website, right?

It sounds like what she's doing is giving you an honest review, and making it public. She is absolutely allowed to do that. She's actually allowed to do that even WITHOUT proof, if she prefaces the thing saying it's her experience and her opinion and has any reasonable reasons to write what she wrote. But with proof? And now you're seriously thinking about trying to make up some random lies about her to try to coerce her into taking down her TRUTHFUL account of her experience with your services? That will be the next thing on her page about you, and I'm sure employers will love to read about that latest installment in your lack of personal character.

There's nothing you can do. Nothing. Except maybe try to use the experience to be a better person. Maybe one day in a few years when you've genuinely changed, you can write her a heartfelt apology. And maybe she'll take pity on you and take it down. But newsflash: you're a long way from that point, since there's no actual remorse from your side at all and only vile entitlement.

SHM.

+1. I think the blog post suggested above will make you sound self-absorbed and like you lack any insight into how bad your past actions were. We had a former nanny that lied about a bunch of stuff. I didn't post anything online about her, but I sure as heck hope no one else got taken in by her and hired her to watch their kids.

Also, if you are posting a site about her (even if it contains true information) as leverage to try to get her to stop doing something that will benefit you, that could be viewed as blackmail or extortion. For instance, if Ben Affleck's old nanny said that she was going to post a blog post about their affair unless he bought her a big diamond ring, that would be blackmail (even if the blog post was true).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you did then is pretty messed up. You could have been sued. Be happy this is your only problem now.

Don't be a dick. People change. The grudge-holder is the nutcase here. She's gone above and beyond to punish. She's vindictive and nasty. Not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you sound like a real piece of work. You lie in order to get a job, mess up badly in the job, make a bunch of trouble when she fires you, the issues involve her children, she's simply reporting the truth to try to warn other people about your character so they don't make the same mistake, and.... you're looking for sympathy from us? Seriously? You know this is a parenting website, right?

It sounds like what she's doing is giving you an honest review, and making it public. She is absolutely allowed to do that. She's actually allowed to do that even WITHOUT proof, if she prefaces the thing saying it's her experience and her opinion and has any reasonable reasons to write what she wrote. But with proof? And now you're seriously thinking about trying to make up some random lies about her to try to coerce her into taking down her TRUTHFUL account of her experience with your services? That will be the next thing on her page about you, and I'm sure employers will love to read about that latest installment in your lack of personal character.

There's nothing you can do. Nothing. Except maybe try to use the experience to be a better person. Maybe one day in a few years when you've genuinely changed, you can write her a heartfelt apology. And maybe she'll take pity on you and take it down. But newsflash: you're a long way from that point, since there's no actual remorse from your side at all and only vile entitlement.

SHM.

+10000.