DD is obsessed with boyfriends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually in a group of girls, there is a girl who is less attractive and the boys don’t want like her. Maybe that is why she feels bad and left out. I personally wouldn’t want my teen daughter to date but I could see why she feels left out.

I remember my best friend in high school (girl, and I am a gay man) explaining to me that the “main” girl(s) that make up friend groups choose friends they think are less attractive than themselves, so that they will look better in comparison to their friends.

Not sure how true this is/was.. but I remember her mentioning it multiple times over the years.

It was true for her but certainly not all girls/women. Your hs friend sounds very shallow but there are shallow people out there

It's a zero sum game with male attention as the reward. Certainly it has to do with nothing else.

You can't imagine a girl who wants to achieve academically making sure she surrounds herself with less intelligent people. Once you are past the "look at how super smart I am" ages, intelligent people like to be around like minded friends.

[Anonymous]

Everything she is feeling is pretty normal. I would listen as long as you can tolerate it. Then I'd suggest some other areas of focus that might take her mind off (I mean hobbies here - not academics - either a job, or art, sports, cooking, community service etc). It's amazing how much better we feel when we keep busy + productive...

[Anonymous]

I think it’s sick that so many people on here are talking about how attractive their teens (or other people’s teens) are. OP, it’s normal that your DD has these feelings. What I would not tolerate is her calling you stupid and annoying, but maybe that’s just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty?

I have two boys and they often think most girls are not attractive. Maybe the dating ratio also is in play in high school. 80% of boys want 20% of girls.

What kind of response is this? Stay off this forum. Who cares what your sons think? Do better.

+1 Such a bizarre comment. Her boys might play for the other team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty?

I have two boys and they often think most girls are not attractive. Maybe the dating ratio also is in play in high school. 80% of boys want 20% of girls.

not true. however, the opposite is true (100% of girls want 20% of the boys).

I think both are true. In the case of boys, they only care about boob and butt size if they are straight. Girls judge boys on their bodies and faces too. Sorry if that is crass and cynical, but that is what teens are like. I do not have any advice for OP except to be a good listener, validate her feelings, and reassure her DD that once she is in college, it is easier to find a partner because most people in their 20s are looking at the whole person rather than a few physical traits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually in a group of girls, there is a girl who is less attractive and the boys don’t want like her. Maybe that is why she feels bad and left out. I personally wouldn’t want my teen daughter to date but I could see why she feels left out.

I remember my mom telling me if I wanted a boyfriend to always make sure I was the prettiest in any group of friends I had.

I never talked to my mom about this stuff. I made out with a lot of cute boys in high school.

If Op actually wanted to help her daughter, she could help her look her best. This is the same if she is 16, 30 or 45. If you are not attracting men, you probably are not looking attractive.

Oh please. When I was a teen, I never wore makeup, had horrible hair and wore baggy clothes. I still got a lot of male attention.

OP’s daughter probably isn’t pretty or may be overweight. That is my guess. I don’t disagree that it is easy to get male attention.

I had a nice figure and pretty face. I was very proud of my figure and definitely wore flattering clothes to show it off.

Only a woman who is completely insecure b would say something like this about a teen who is already insecure and down.

The teens are on the forum again. LOL. No adult with kids would write stuff like this.

[Anonymous]

Encourage her to be a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

I really wished my daughters were lesbians - and after the dating nonsense my 16 year old goes through with immature boys, I wish even more ..alas

I get it, OP. Your daughter feels less than her friends. It’s a big self esteem hit to be the one rejected. I do wonder if she can’t find anyone bc she’s going after unattainable types ? Mine does this. She likes the bad boy popular types, unfortunately. She’s rejected several cute but less charismatic boys - and your daughter could be doing the same without even knowing. Can’t really tell her who to like though. I honestly can’t even believe she’s telling you this stuff in the first place lol.

I DO think it’s unlikely all of her friends are dating at 16. I feel like my daughter and her friends are more on the overly “mature” side and not all of them are dating. And the ones that aren’t dating are just as attractive as the ones that are. I think the difference is that these girls are pretty and less forward, lacking confidence, and guys (and girls) like to chase the yes…. “Hot” but more important, confident outgoing types.

There’s nothing you can say or do here. Other than encourage activities and traits in her that boost her confidence. Also - encourage her to make friendships with guys if she doesn’t already. It’s helpful in LIFE to connect with the opposite sex in a non romantic way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really wished my daughters were lesbians - and after the dating nonsense my 16 year old goes through with immature boys, I wish even more ..alas

I get it, OP. Your daughter feels less than her friends. It’s a big self esteem hit to be the one rejected. I do wonder if she can’t find anyone bc she’s going after unattainable types ? Mine does this. She likes the bad boy popular types, unfortunately. She’s rejected several cute but less charismatic boys - and your daughter could be doing the same without even knowing. Can’t really tell her who to like though. I honestly can’t even believe she’s telling you this stuff in the first place lol.

I DO think it’s unlikely all of her friends are dating at 16. I feel like my daughter and her friends are more on the overly “mature” side and not all of them are dating. And the ones that aren’t dating are just as attractive as the ones that are. I think the difference is that these girls are pretty and less forward, lacking confidence, and guys (and girls) like to chase the yes…. “Hot” but more important, confident outgoing types.

There’s nothing you can say or do here. Other than encourage activities and traits in her that boost her confidence. Also - encourage her to make friendships with guys if she doesn’t already. It’s helpful in LIFE to connect with the opposite sex in a non romantic way.

When I was a teenager, I was “hot” and fun. I don’t know if I was dating but I was a flirt and it was an ego boost when boys liked me. I hung out with different types of boys. While the boys always liked me, I did not have as many girlfriends. I sometimes wish I spent more of my time making meaningful relationships with girls than hanging out with the cute boys.