Boyfriend doesn’t take me on dates anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live together? And, 200-500 per date at 2x a week? Is that a typo?

That’s just not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Saving money for a financial future? If so he’s a keeper

[Anonymous]

I think we'd all like to go out on lavish dates on a regular basis, but it's not sustainable unless the guy is wealthy. That type of money is best spent elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Saving money for a financial future? If so he’s a keeper

Not if OP is social and this means he never wants to go do anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Plan things like picnics in the park, long walks, happy hour, bike riding, a day at the beach, visiting museums or the zoo, going dancing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Who paid for these lavish dates? I am assuming he did. Did you ever reciprocate and pay for lavish dates? Saying you’ll take him out is not the same as planning and paying for an expensive/ lavish experience.

If he is good to you and does small things on a day to day why do you need lavish dates?

I have been happily married 10+ years and things ebb and flow. Key is communication. We had lavish dates at times but then other times when we were saving for a home or something we did more low key things. I am also not materialistic and find someone making me a bath with candles the same as being surprised with a trip to Paris (both things my husband planned).

How would you feel if he made you your favorite meal and you played a board game? Or you like the crust of pizza so he gives you his crust? I feel if you want something lavish you discuss it together at this point or you pay and plan it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He was not spending $1,000 per date. If I had to guess I would say he spent $200-$500 on the dates depending on the activity, and we would go on them 1-2 times a week. We don’t live in DC, so this is expensive to me.

None of this was requested or needed by me. I would be happy with one inexpensive date every week or two weeks. Say something like a free museum and very casual lunch or breakfast at coffee shop, or going to a movie or something. He just dramatically went from planning lots of fun stuff to doing nothing.

I know he is not broke because he spends plenty on himself. He is not rich either. He’s really sweet to me in general. I just want him to take me out still. I don’t see dating as something that should ever stop, though I do expect it to become less frequent once the relationship has become serious.

That is unsustainable. I live in an expensive area and own a very nice home and I still wouldn’t spend $200-$500 each time 2x a week! Did you ever pay?! Of course he stopped!

Also who cares if he spends money on himself it is his money! I’m sorry but it is 2024, pay your own way! What does he like to do? Plan a fun date for something you know he likes to do that is inexpensive.

Or maybe say each of you plan a date 1x a month or 1x a week and you’re on once and he’s on once so you can each plan something and spend what you’re comfortable with. Go to a free museum, get cheap concert tickets or a sport ticket, go to a farmers market, make dinner together, take an inexpensive class together (pottery, tennis, kickball whatever).

I’ve been married happily for many years and I also took my (now) husband out. I paid and planned things I knew he would like that I might not like. He took me out too. It doesn’t have to be expensive.

Clearly there is a disconnect because he thought or felt he had to spend this insane $ on taking you out/ you liking him. You need to communicate but I would not tell him you want lavish dates back, just that you’d like to both plan some low key outings.

[Anonymous]

Straight up gold digger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Straight up gold digger.

In OP's defense, most women are

[Anonymous]

Why should he decide all such decisions?

Tell him you miss those dates, and does he want to plan more for the future or should you.

If he declines, then leave him. It is a very bad sign if he does but care what you want, especially this early into your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Saving money for a financial future? If so he’s a keeper

Not if OP is social and this means he never wants to go do anything at all.

That's fine. She's a spender and he's a saver. They aren't compatible. And guess who will be back here crying about how they can't afford to buy a house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plan things like picnics in the park, long walks, happy hour, bike riding, a day at the beach, visiting museums or the zoo, going dancing, etc.

This, but I think OP is saying boyfriend just wants to veg out at home. I think the lavish dates part/focus on dollars spent is obscuring the real problem. Many husbands become this way after 15-20 years of marriage, it’s a very bad sign so early into the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:Tough love: He doesn't like you anymore.

He probably liked the chase more than he liked you in the first place? Why is he still around? Inertia, probably.

Yes I think he's trying to get her to break up with him and think it's her idea.

OP here. This is definitely not what’s going on. He’s very happy in the relationship and in love. I think he just thinks he “won” me, so now he thinks we can be couch potatoes for life.

Sounds charming and mature, definitely a keeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plan things like picnics in the park, long walks, happy hour, bike riding, a day at the beach, visiting museums or the zoo, going dancing, etc.

This, but I think OP is saying boyfriend just wants to veg out at home. I think the lavish dates part/focus on dollars spent is obscuring the real problem. Many husbands become this way after 15-20 years of marriage, it’s a very bad sign so early into the relationship.

Yes, boredom and routine kills long term relationships. I recently dated someone who seemed nice, but he could never come up or reciprocate with ANY interesting dates ideas on his own. I planned first 2 dates for us, and he complimented them for being really nice (it was nearly free to him, he spent $50 on each date for drinks and appetizers).
But when we were about to go out on the 5th date he just dropped something very last moment on me (which was again my idea). I got pissed and wrote him a mean message, we broke up. I couldn't take anyone who is like that very early in the relationship, doesn't want explore the world with me, and shifts all mental load of planning dates to the woman. He will be a terrible, selfish and lazy partner IMHO

[Anonymous]

Dh was like this when we were first dating. After the first few months, he took me out less. I asked him about it and he said he couldn’t afford all the expensive dates as he was a grad student. He had depleted his bank account. He took me on a trip and took me on dates for a few months. We eventually got married and he now earns a seven figure income. We go out to dinner with our kids and get a lot of take out and DoorDash.