AITA: summer edition

[Anonymous]

I think with the extra info of having to dip into your savings is important. But I dont think its fair that people are talking about someone sitting on their a$$ all summer and not contributing. No one says that about SAHMs and dont necessarily expect them to pick up jobs when things get tight.

What? I would definitely expect any parent not engaged in child care to pick up paid work if possible if things were tight financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think with the extra info of having to dip into your savings is important. But I dont think its fair that people are talking about someone sitting on their a$$ all summer and not contributing. No one says that about SAHMs and dont necessarily expect them to pick up jobs when things get tight.

What? I would definitely expect any parent not engaged in child care to pick up paid work if possible if things were tight financially.

+1

If a SAHM is taking care of children, that's one thing. If the children are in daycare then that's an altogether different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just a kind note. I notice that you mention over and over you are the “main breadwinner.” You may make more, but your DH is gainfully employed in a legitimate and noble profession. So while I understand the resentment that you may make more money than he does and don’t have time in the summer off, it’s not like he’s sitting on his butt all day unemployed the rest of the year. Maybe he is sensing your “breadwinner” attitude and that is contributing to his response here.

I make almost 2x what my (military) spouse does and it would never occur to me to refer to myself like you do here.

Agreed. She mentions she's already resentful and jealous, so her word choice and tone isn't surprising.

[Anonymous]

I agree that the money is a red herring for being jealous. I would be jealous too, so no judgement there.

But springing this question in May is probably not the right time. Discuss future summers and what that needs to look like as the kids grow and finances change.

Also, summer school doesn't pay that much - not enough to really make a dent in extra savings for the amount of work. Are there other things they can do to contribute more during the summer? Meal planning, house organization projects etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the money is a red herring for being jealous. I would be jealous too, so no judgement there.

But springing this question in May is probably not the right time. Discuss future summers and what that needs to look like as the kids grow and finances change.

Also, summer school doesn't pay that much - not enough to really make a dent in extra savings for the amount of work. Are there other things they can do to contribute more during the summer? Meal planning, house organization projects etc?

Tutoring pays very well.

[Anonymous]

I am also confused by the breadwinner language. Your combined income would not make me think you earn dramatically more than him unless he’s at a private getting paid $40k or something. I also don’t know what your breadwinner mindset is supposed to be. My husband earns more than me and that generally means when one of us has to take a career hit or tell our boss no I have to be the one to do that. That’s pretty much it.

[Anonymous]

I don't think teacher's kids should go to daycare in the summer. Teacher's are very quick to point out that they are NOT paid in the summer which means they do not need childcare. Most teacher's I know do not send their children to daycare in the summer, even if they can afford to.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t think you are TA, but this clearly could have/ should have been discussed more up front. You were both making assumptions about this summer (him about needing some time to decompress and you about the need to pick up some extra jobs).

Do you never talk about budgeting? When the extra expenses hit this year, did you talk about how to rebuild your savings? Now you’ve both put a stake in the ground so it’s harder to get to a neutral place to rationally discuss this. You might want to involve a marriage counselor to help the two of you learn how to better practically communicate on topics like this.

I definitely don’t think he should take the whole summer off given your financial situation, but the way and timing of when you brought this up (with your resentment coming through) isn’t terribly effective. And his defensiveness isn’t either. So work to do on both sides on how to successfully navigate tough conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised by the responses. Summer off is like the singular benefit of being a teacher! Between the stress, pay, extra workload, dealing with other peoples nasty kids, it's a rough job. Getting some time off over summer is literally the only upside!

I think with the extra info of having to dip into your savings is important. But I dont think its fair that people are talking about someone sitting on their a$$ all summer and not contributing. No one says that about SAHMs and dont necessarily expect them to pick up jobs when things get tight.

You can look at reducing expenses, and I like the idea of him spending some extra time with the kids instead of sending them to daycare for a few weeks. Can he take them to visit his mom? You deserve a break, but it's not healthy to begrudge your spouse for wanting to enjoy the only nice thing about their job.

SAHM's watch their kids. This guy is sending his to daycare during his summer off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it’s kind of an a-hole thing to bring up with a teacher in May. It’s a really busy time and he’s probably feeling burnt out and its another demand.

Not saying he shouldn’t contribute more to the household in the summer—he should—but you are also clearly bringing it up out of some resentment that he’s off (“lounging by the pool”).

OP can always make a career change to teaching if she wants the time off in the summer. Then she can hang by the pool too!

Or her DH can tutor for the summer. I pay ours $100/hour cash. For 1 hour. The man QUIT teaching and makes his living this way.

Yeah because that’s a lot more than teachers make plus tutoring one kid is a lot easier than teaching a class of 30.

All the more reason to do it then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised by the responses. Summer off is like the singular benefit of being a teacher! Between the stress, pay, extra workload, dealing with other peoples nasty kids, it's a rough job. Getting some time off over summer is literally the only upside!

I think with the extra info of having to dip into your savings is important. But I dont think its fair that people are talking about someone sitting on their a$$ all summer and not contributing. No one says that about SAHMs and dont necessarily expect them to pick up jobs when things get tight.

You can look at reducing expenses, and I like the idea of him spending some extra time with the kids instead of sending them to daycare for a few weeks. Can he take them to visit his mom? You deserve a break, but it's not healthy to begrudge your spouse for wanting to enjoy the only nice thing about their job.

SAHM's watch their kids. This guy is sending his to daycare during his summer off.

Technically OP is sending her kids to daycare and doesnt want to pull them out... So... ball in her court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is at home this summer, why do your kids need daycare? Have him take care of the kids, book dinner, be a SAHD. I am a middle school math teacher and never have I worked summers.

Pulling them out of daycare (which is discounted slightly for firm employees) would result in us losing our spot. The wait list is astronomical. So we could just not send them and pay for their spot, but that seems like a waste of $$$.

You husband is pretty worthless if you think your kids are better off spending time at a corporate daycare vs with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is at home this summer, why do your kids need daycare? Have him take care of the kids, book dinner, be a SAHD. I am a middle school math teacher and never have I worked summers.

Pulling them out of daycare (which is discounted slightly for firm employees) would result in us losing our spot. The wait list is astronomical. So we could just not send them and pay for their spot, but that seems like a waste of $$$.

You husband is pretty worthless if you think your kids are better off spending time at a corporate daycare vs with him.

NP, but you want them to pay for the spot but the kids just not attend? Eyeroll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your spouse at least willing to get the kids ready before you drive them? When mine were in day care that was a more significant lift than the drive itself.

This. Ideally he would be taking on this kind of labor as well as grocery shopping and planning, meal prepping, etc. I am a (childfree) teacher and also don’t teach summer school- sounds like utter hell especially recent changes in my district where they now do observations and bulletin boards. But I take on more of the household and pet duties when I am off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I hear you! How about you take off until June 21, a nice three week vacation, while I keep working. Then you can lean in to some summer work for the. Ext eight weeks and in the last two weeks of august we take a family vacation.”

What schools get 13 weeks of summer vacation!?